shanmonster: (Liothu'a)
Hora aderat briligi. Nunc et Slythæia Tova
Plurima gyrabant gymbolitare vabo;
Et Borogovorum mimzebant undique formae,
Momiferique omnes exgrabuêre Rathi.

“Cave, Gaberbocchum moneo tibi, nate cavendum
(Unguibus ille rapit. Dentibus ille necat.)
Et fuge Jubbubbum, quo non infestior ales,
Et Bandersnatcham, quae fremit usque, cave.”

Ille autem gladium vorpalem cepit, et hostem
Manxonium longâ sedulitate petit;
Tum sub tumtummi requiescens arboris umbrâ
Stabat tranquillus, multa animo meditans.

Dum requiescebat meditans uffishia, monstrum
Praesens ecce! oculis cui fera flamma micat,
Ipse Gaberbocchus dumeta per horrida sifflans
Ibat, et horrendum burbuliabat iens!

Ter, quater, atque iterum cito vorpalissimus ensis
Snicsnaccans penitus viscera dissecuit.
Exanimum corpus linquens caput abstulit heros
Quocum galumphat multa, domumque redit.

“Tune Gaberbocchum potuisti, nate, necare?
Bemiscens, puer! ad brachia nostra veni.
Oh! frabiusce dies! iterumque caloque calâque
Laetus eo!” ut chortlet chortla superba senex.

Hora aderat briligi. Nunc et Slythæia Tova
Plurima gyrabant gymbolitare vabo;
Et Borogovorum mimzebant undique formae,
Momiferique omnes exgrabuêre Rathi.

- by Hassard Dodgson (and Lewis Carroll, of course)
shanmonster: (Liothu'a)
I thought I'd make of video of my somewhat irregular Latin practice. I'm not sure why the video quality is so crappy, but ah well.

This is my reading of Catullus's "Ameana puella defututa."

Latin:
Ameana puella defututa
tota milia me decem poposcit,
ista turpiculo puello naso,
decoctoris amica Formiani.
propinqui, quibus est puella curae,
amicos medicosque convocate:
non est sana puella, nec rogare
qualis sit solet aes imaginosum.

English translation:
Ameana, that girl who's exhausted from fucking,
demanded ten thousand from me;
that girl with the utterly repulsive nose,
the whore of the bankrupt from Formiae!
Now you, the girl's relations, you're in charge here.
Call together friends and doctors:
She's not right in her mind and never bothers
to pause before a mirror for reflection.

shanmonster: (Liothu'a)
Est praedulcis esu Mars-Bar.
Nil est cibo tuo, Mars, par.
Tune vis beatum larem?
Habe promptum Martem-Barem.
Captus dono Martis-Baris
Helenam liquisset Paris.
Dum natabunt ponto scari,
Dentur laudes Marti-Bari!

- by Herbert H. Huxley
shanmonster: (Default)
Kinda NSFW )
shanmonster: (Liothu'a)
Today is a two-for-one special:

ad Caluum poetam (XIV)
ad Aurelium (XV)

I'm afraid I stammered a little bit on the first one. Some of those words are serious tongue-twisters. Oy.

Ad Fabullum

Mar. 4th, 2010 02:34 pm
shanmonster: (Liothu'a)
Today I tried reading quickly and while smiling. It was tricky.

XIII. ad Fabullum

Cenabis bene, mi Fabulle, apud me
paucis, si tibi di fauent, diebus,
si tecum attuleris bonam atque magnam
cenam, non sine candida puella
et uino et sale et omnibus cachinnis.
haec si, inquam, attuleris, uenuste noster,
cenabis bene; nam tui Catulli
plenus sacculus est aranearum.
sed contra accipies meros amores
seu quid suauius elegantiusue est:
nam unguentum dabo, quod meae puellae
donarunt Veneres Cupidinesque,
quod tu cum olfacies, deos rogabis,
totum ut te faciant, Fabulle, nasum.

-----------

You will dine well, my Fabullus, at my house
in a few days (if the gods favor you),
and if you bring with you a great and good
dinner, not without a pretty girl
and wine and wit and laughs for all.
I say: if you bring these, our charming one,
you will dine well—for the little purse
of your Catullus is full of cobwebs.
But in return you will receive wondrous love
or something that is more elegant and more delightful:
for I will give you an oil, which the Venuses
and Cupids gave to my girl,
and when you smell it, you will ask the gods
to make you all nose, Fabullus.
shanmonster: (Liothu'a)
Today's reading is ad Furium et Aurelium by Catullus. It's been a while since I've done one of these. I'm feeling rusty, already.

Here's the text and translation, if you care to read along.

XI. ad Furium et Aurelium

FVRI et Aureli comites Catulli,
siue in extremos penetrabit Indos,
litus ut longe resonante Eoa
tunditur unda,
siue in Hyrcanos Arabesue molles,
seu Sagas sagittiferosue Parthos,
siue quae septemgeminus colorat
aequora Nilus,
siue trans altas gradietur Alpes,
Caesaris uisens monimenta magni,
Gallicum Rhenum horribile aequor ulti-
mosque Britannos,
omnia haec, quaecumque feret uoluntas
caelitum, temptare simul parati,
pauca nuntiate meae puellae
non bona dicta.
cum suis uiuat ualeatque moechis,
quos simul complexa tenet trecentos,
nullum amans uere, sed identidem omnium
ilia rumpens;
nec meum respectet, ut ante, amorem,
qui illius culpa cecidit uelut prati
ultimi flos, praetereunte postquam
tactus aratro est.

----------------

Furius and Aurelius, companions of Catullus,
whether he penetrates the furthest of the Indies,
or the shore where the beating of the eastern
waves resonates far and wide,

whether he penetrates into the Hyrcanos or the gentle Arabs,
or the arrow-carrying Parthians,
or the seven fold Nile which
which colors the plains,

whether he will go across the great Alps,
intending to see the great monument to Caesar,
or the Gallic Rhine or the horribly dis-
tant Britain,

you who are prepared to try all these things,
and whatever else the will of the gods will bring,
announce to my girl a few
nasty words.

Let her live and let her flourish with her adulterers,
whom having embraced 300 of them at the same time, she owns and keeps them,
truly loving none of them, but repeatedly breaking the groins of
all of them;

nor, let her no longer look back for my love as before,
which by her fault, has fallen,
just like the farthest flower of the field
has been killed by a passing plow.
shanmonster: (Liothu'a)
Yup. More Latin. ad Varum (X) by Catullus.

Read along!

X. ad Varum

VARVS me meus ad suos amores
uisum duxerat e foro otiosum,
scortillum, ut mihi tum repente uisum est,
non sane illepidum neque inuenustum,
huc ut uenimus, incidere nobis
sermones uarii, in quibus, quid esset
iam Bithynia, quo modo se haberet,
et quonam mihi profuisset aere.
respondi id quod erat, nihil neque ipsis
nec praetoribus esse nec cohorti,
cur quisquam caput unctius referret,
praesertim quibus esset irrumator
praetor, nec faceret pili cohortem.
'at certe tamen,' inquiunt 'quod illic
natum dicitur esse, comparasti
ad lecticam homines.' ego, ut puellae
unum me facerem beatiorem,
'non' inquam 'mihi tam fuit maligne
ut, prouincia quod mala incidisset,
non possem octo homines parare rectos.'
at mi nullus erat nec hic neque illic
fractum qui ueteris pedem grabati
in collo sibi collocare posset.
hic illa, ut decuit cinaediorem,
'quaeso' inquit 'mihi, mi Catulle, paulum
istos commoda: nam uolo ad Serapim
deferri.' 'mane' inquii puellae,
'istud quod modo dixeram me habere,
fugit me ratio: meus sodalis--
Cinna est Gaius-- is sibi parauit.
uerum, utrum illius an mei, quid ad me?
utor tam bene quam mihi pararim.
sed tu insulsa male et molesta uiuis,
per quam non licet esse neglegentem.'
shanmonster: (Liothu'a)
I skipped ahead with my Latin. I guess I was tired of reading the lovey-dovey love poetry. It's time to talk dirty:

Ad Aurelium et Furium.

Hey. What else should I be doing at this time of night?
shanmonster: (Liothu'a)
Here's today's bit of Catullus lovin' courtesy of me: Ad Lesbiam (VII). I'm still talking about kissing. Mmhmm.

Nastier stuff is coming up, eventually.

I got to the gym today. I didn't die. In fact, I did pretty good. Somehow, my legs are still mighty. It is some sort of a miracle, or a gift from the gods. I will offer praise by exercising even more.

Oh yeah. Today is Darwin's birthday. Happy birthday, you crazy controversial dead scientist, you!

Link time.

Dubai court annuls marriage to 'bearded lady': It's one of the oldest tricks in the book, and it's still going strong. Poor bearded lady can't get any lovin', though.

Now, combine that story with this one: Saudi cleric favours one-eye veil: If my memory of Lamarckian principles hold true (see how I cleverly tied this in to Darwin's birthday, sorta?), and if this one-eyed veil thing takes over, Saudi Arabia and the UAE may end up populated with bearded Cyclopean women.

Clockwork Couture: Pretty steampunk clothes. Looking at these is getting my creative juices flowing again.

And speaking of steampunk, check out this awesome wedding cake. Gorgeous!

The Wild Hunt: Makes LARPers look even crazier than they are (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] knightky).

Brain clue may explain why some autistics avoid hugs: "Delays at crucial points during the development of the brain in the womb may explain why people with a condition linked to autism do not like hugs."

Ad Lesbiam

Feb. 11th, 2010 06:19 pm
shanmonster: (Liothu'a)
My voice sounds like shit today, so I whispered some poetry of Catullus into the microphone: Ad Lesbiam.

I'm whispering Latin love poetry to you. The poetry of thousands of kisses. It isn't even the naughty stuff. Not yet.
shanmonster: (Default)
I've decided I quite detest LOLcat-speak. When people use dreadful grammar in everyday speech, it irks me. "I can has" must die. This is my edict.

The cute, fluffy kittens may live.

...

Since movement has made me woozy or caused my nasty headache to throb all the more, I haven't been moving around much this week. I've been sitting on my arse in front of my computer, for the most part. I've worked on some fiction, and am getting caught up on some reading. My Latin has been neglected, partially because it makes my head hurt more. I hope to study some today, though. Maybe I'll study Latin while having a bubble bath. That seems a little decadent, yet productive, hm?

I felt healthier this morning, so I did a bunch of housework. I may have overdone it. I'm all woozy and tired again, already. I might have to grab a nap. But first, I really want to get that laundry put away and finish the dishes. I'll attempt the floors and the bathroom tomorrow, I think. Unless you want to do it for me.

No?

I didn't think so.

I can't wait to get back to the gym and back to dance practice. I'm aiming for a yoga class on Friday. I think I might be up for it, if I don't go overboard. I practiced some glute squeeze drills on the elevator, and realize I've lost precision. Oh no! My bum is no longer precise! Gotta get on that.

My dance DVDs are tempting me, but if I practice along with 'em now, I just might fall down.

I've been downing ridiculous amounts of fluids every day. Orange juice, chicken soup, pomegranate juice, sour Thai soup, tea, coffee, avocado milkshakes, rare beef pho, water.... It all goes down the hatch. It's a wonder I don't slosh when I move.

Something tells me this weekend is going to be a bust. Poo. I'd been looking forward to it.

Links? Sure thing.

Cthulhu in Love Perfume: I wouldn't mind a bottle of this. It's "an amorphous mix of oppressive, piceous ritual incense, macerated kelp, sea salt, sticky dark ocean plants, and . . . mixed chocolates."

What pregnant women won’t tell you. Ever.: If this was all common knowledge, perhaps the earth wouldn't be so over-populated (thanks, Beth).



shanmonster: (Liothu'a)
Lord Byron: "I love the language, that soft bastard Latin, Which melts like kisses from a female mouth."

I want to narrate the entire works of Catullus. I think it will be good speaking practice, as I find the words to be very tricky to say. After that? I dunno. Maybe Ovid.

Today's Catullus excerpt is Fletus Passeris Lesbiae. That's what I sound like with a chest cold and asthma. Kinda hot. Ha.

I'm still sick, but I'm not dead yet.

Here are some links for your enjoyment.

Giger Wedding Cake: I wish this had been my wedding cake (thanks, Kutulu).

Miley Cyrus' little sister the new face of kiddie 'lingerie' line: Yeah.

Man hurt after homemade rocket explodes during party stunt: This looks so much like something one of my friends might do.

Axe Cop: Epic comic strip written by a five-year-old and illustrated by a grown-up (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] chernobylred).

Sic

Feb. 4th, 2010 07:00 pm
shanmonster: (Liothu'a)
I'm still practicing my Latin pretty much every day, though I don't know if I've actually progressed. I am going over the same basic stuff. Over and over. And practicing reading out loud. The other day, I was watching a movie and some very simple ecclesiastical Latin was spoken in a church, and I realized I'd understood all of it without translating it in my head. And I rejoiced.

So here's what I did today. I recorded my sick self reciting Catullus's ad Cornelium. Here's the text, if you'd like to read along (more here).
Cui dono lepidum novum libellum
arida modo pumice expolitum?
Corneli, tibi: namque tu solebas
meas esse aliquid putare nugas.
Iam tum, cum ausus es unus Italorum
omne aevum tribus explicare cartis...
Doctis, Iuppiter, et laboriosis!
Quare habe tibi quidquid hoc libelli—
qualecumque, quod, o patrona virgo,
plus uno maneat perenne saeclo!
Links? Ok.

Australia Bans Small Breasts as “Child Pornography”: Just call me Lolita.

The Ridiculously Cute Side of Winter Science: So cute I died over and over again (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] tailchaser).

Young Blood Reverses Signs of Aging in Old Mice: Erzebet Bathory was right?

Lawmaker wants to ban "Ex-Lax" fish: The fish that makes you poop.

Lil Wayne’s Got Diamond Teeth: If I woke up to seeing him making this face at close range, I would scream. I might even pee.

Henrietta Lacks’ ‘Immortal’ Cells: "Journalist Rebecca Skloot’s new book investigates how a poor black tobacco farmer had a groundbreaking impact on modern medicine."

TR Special: The 10 Most Mind-Shatteringly Awful Fan Fiction Fridays of 2009: Wow (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] shbe).

The last abortionist: Fascinating and illuminating article on the only late-term abortionist left in the US.

"Caligula" director to make 3D porn film: "Veteran erotic film director Tinto Brass, best known for his 1979 release 'Caligula,' said Thursday he would produce what he called the world's first-ever 3D pornographic production."

"That's What She Said" Joke Made Every Time Archaeology Professor Refers to Bone: "The first incident occurred in early November. Holding up a digit-sized bone during lecture, Rogers remarked to the class on its durability. 'It's extremely hard,' he noted, 'and so large it doesn't even fit into one hand.' Rogers recalls that he then heard a student cry out, 'That's what she said!' and the classroom dissolved into giggles" (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] elanya).

Big Pussy: SFW.

School Outlaws "Sexual Bending": Also says everyone must have both feet on the floor at all times while dancing. Oy.

Edit: Overheard while Amelia was not exactly sober: "She washed her hair with the essence of spinach in order to be less like a chiapet. But it hurts."
shanmonster: (Default)
I'm getting to the point where I can compose simple Latin sentences, written or spoken, without needing to look anything up. It's a small victory, but one I'm proud of. I continue to practice reading Latin aloud pretty much every day. I still can't read it as quickly as I can English, but it's coming along. I just have to keep practicing, so my comprehension continues to improve. I'm just so darned scattered. Where the heck did my self-discipline go? Maybe it disappeared when my muscles did.

I taught myself poi. I will teach myself Latin. My determination says so.

BACK TO THE GYM! Yes. I miss the structure of my martial arts training and my academic years. Gotta get myself motivated again, especially now that my lungs are mostly recovered from my battle with the cold.

The past week or so has been pretty stressful, and I went for a lengthy power walk with Steph. It calmed her killing rage, and settled my jangled nerves. We marched until we were wobbly and in pain. And then we went out for hot chocolate with Matt at Coffee Culture. It's great to have a coffee place close by that's open late. We chatted for a while, and then, even though my hips were killing me from the walk, I managed to piggy-back Steph for half a block. It was a lot harder to carry her than it should have been. I've become weak, I say. WEAK!

Gotta get back into doing squats and lunges. My badonkadonk is gone, and my big ol' muscle legs have been replaced with skinny little pipe cleaner thingermabobs. I miss my big muscles. Now I'm just a scrawny chick. Boo!

I will use this photo of myself as motivation. I looked like this not too long ago. Check out those biceps! I had some serious guns, a couple of years ago. And I can again. Fuck the bad foot. Fuck the bad lungs. I miss my mightiness. Pole class and weight training, here I come.

[Muscles]

Link time.

Miniature Moss Garden: Maybe I'll try this out this summer. Might be nice to have a little moss garden beside my computer.

I Breastfeed My Dog: So very odd, really.

Experts stunned by swan 'divorce' at Slimbridge wetland: So they don't always mate for life. I'm intrigued by how the ex-lovers do not acknowledge one another despite living in close proximity.

Mom forces son to kill hamster for bad grade: Tough love.

Young Christopher Walken: Made my jaw drop, and then I said "oh" in a little voice. Niiiiiiice.

The Venezuelan ice-cream parlour with 860 different flavours: I think I'd pass on the sardines-in-brandy flavour.
shanmonster: (Liothu'a)
Eruo and an excerpt from the very rude invective poetry of Catullus.

I think I got rid of the bad Italian accent.
shanmonster: (Shh...)
I've been practicing spoken Latin for a while. I'm finally getting to the point where I no longer sound like I'm using a bad Italian accent. Whee!

I also tried my hand at some calligraphy today. I only had a ballpoint pen handy. I must get a good pen set, at some point. I wish there was a stationery shop in downtown Kitchener. Ah well! Although I need to practice my uniformity and spacing, I'm not too displeased at this first attempt, which is based off the Ludovicos font/hand. I do not like the "q" as I find it looks too much like a "g", so I'll probably change it up a bit on my next pass.

The writing is my own composition. I hope it's grammatically sound.

[Latin calligraphy]

Any calligraphers in the house? Critiques? Criticisms?
shanmonster: (Default)
I spent the last hour and a half trying to compose some poetry in Latin. I'm willing to bet it's dog Latin (mutt Latin, at that), because my grasp of the language is tenuous.

But if your grasp is decent, can you scan this and tell me if it makes sense?

Eruo

Miser perturbatio, miser quemadmodum.
Exanimus mihi.
Vindici, transporto meus mucro amor.
Talionis cum meus gladius imbibo meus cruorem.

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