shanmonster: (Zombie ShanMonster)
I can will my mind to make things work in opposition to their nature.

Sometimes I lie in bed with my eyes closed, and it seems my bed is facing the opposite way, or that the room itself has flipped around. Or maybe it's me that's flipped around within my body, and my feet are where my head should be and my head is where my feet should be. I concentrate on this sensation, and I can spin myself around, whirling quickly or slowly until I open my eyes and I am once again lying down exactly as I went to bed, with my head on my pillow and the window on the correct side.

Several years ago, I had a regular modelling gig for an art class. The studio for this class was cold. Not chilly, or tits-a-bit-nipply-breast-get-a-sweater but cold. Something must have been wrong with the heating in the room. We could all see our breath. The artists wore their winter jackets, and some wore fingerless gloves. As for me, I wore not a stitch. I didn't even have a spot heater. So while the artists stood around, rubbing their hands together every now and then to warm them up, I held perfectly still and perspired.

How was this possible? Through concentration. I imagined that the prick of cold against my skin wasn't cold, but the feel of sun on a hot day. I wasn't freezing. I was on the cusp of a sunburn. While I kept this focus up, I didn't feel the cold at all.

Of course, once the poses were over and I had to come back to the real world, the sensation of heat went away, and I bundled myself in blankets and drank hot chocolate to keep warm.

I knew I could do this temperature change thing ever since I was about fourteen years old. Not interested in any of the suggested biology projects given by the teacher, my lab partner and I came up with our own. I'd read somewhere that Tibetan monks could keep themselves toasty warm in the Himalayas in situations where other people would freeze to death. They did this through meditation. So our project was this: could I increase the temperature of my hand measurably just by willing it so?

I would choose whether I wanted to increase my temperature or maintain it, then write this down. My partner did not know if I was trying to increase or maintain my temperature. I held a thermometer in my hand, and my partner recorded the starting temperature. Some time later (ten minutes, I think), the temperature would be recorded again, and my partner would mark down if she thought I'd tried to increase it or keep it the same.

I no longer have any of the records, but I do remember that I was able to consistently increase the temperature in my hand by a few degrees by willing it so.

I considered this to be a useful transferrable skill, and tried to find other ways to apply it. The first way was by stopping my nose bleeds. In my teens, I often had sudden, violent nose bleeds which would gush for a rather long time, and without warning. I always used to squeeze my nose and tip my head back to stop the bleeding. But I wondered what would happen if I willed the nose bleeds to stop. It sure would be nice to have shirts without blood stains.

After a bit of practice (which the frequent nose bleeds accorded me with), I was able to stop the nose bleeds almost immediately after they started.

Once I got out of my teens, the nose bleeds went away, and I no longer had any obvious reason to use my mind over matter skills. I forgot all about the meditation.

But then I got migraines. These weren't normal migraines, with pain. They were made of flashing lights, confusion, hallucination, and partial blindness. For a few years, I relied on varying degrees of medication to get them under control. The side effects, however, grew worse than the problem itself, and after a bit of arguing with my doctor, I finally got myself weaned off the pills. I thought of my almost-forgotten trick of mind over matter....

It was difficult to concentrate on the blindness and confusion disappearing, when the strobe lights and confusion attempted to thwart concentration on anything at all. But I kept working on it, and eventually, the blind spots would shrink. Each morning, before I got up or opened my eyes, I'd concentrate on making the blindness and confusion shrink and shrink. I couldn't do it all at once. I had to choose a "corner," and start from there. When I was on break at work, I'd sit in a quiet area and concentrate more. And I'd do it again at night.

It didn't work perfectly. It didn't work consistently. But it did work better than the medications had, and it didn't have any side effects.

Now, I don't believe that this technique will work on everything. Not at all. It doesn't seem to help me very much with menstrual cramps, for example. However, I believe we have more control over our own physiology than we might suspect. It's not automatic, though, or at least not for me. It requires a huge amount of undisrupted concentration.

As for now, I use it while doing physical training. I find it makes a big difference to not listen to music and to not watch the tv, but to listen and feel for what my muscles are doing, and to concentrate my attention there. How about you? Do you do something similar?

EDIT: If you've never attempted this, here's the simplest experiment I can think of using the same principles. Imagine your nose is itchy. Keep imagining how itchy it is. Eventually, your nose will be itchy. I used to use this in figure modelling, too. No, not to make parts itchy, and not even to make parts stop being itchy. I've never been able to completely remove and itch through concentration alone. But I can move it. Let's say I'm holding a pose with one hand on my butt, and the other away from my body. I get itchy on my belly. It's driving me bonkers, but I don't want to break the pose, so I will the itch to keep sliding along my belly, wrap around my waist, and then creep down my butt to where my hand already is and can scratch without breaking the pose.

Glitter

Oct. 14th, 2010 09:51 am
shanmonster: (Tiger claw)
This is weird, but after over a decade, I can't deny it anymore. My migraine hallucinations are always worse in a lit bathroom. Particularly when I'm standing over a bathroom counter, and especially when I'm leaning a bit, like when I'm looking in the mirror more closely, or spitting in the sink.

If I've been sitting in a dim room, the flickering lights may be all but gone. But once I'm in the lit bathroom, the intensity goes waaaaaaaay up, and the flickering becomes strobe-like.

Why the bathroom? I just don't get it. It might have something to do with all the white in there, and the bright lights. Holy crap, that's weird.

I am currently on day eleven of a new glitter migraine. I believe it was brought on by the asthma attack I had caused by a fog machine at the Dangerous Liaisons play. I sure hope it goes away. This is the first longterm migraine I've had in about four years.

*yawn*

Oct. 28th, 2009 12:22 pm
shanmonster: (Default)
Today... Laundry. Making a bunch of creepy masks. Carving a pumpkin. Starting to pack for a weekend of camping.

Links?

Yes.

Speaking Piano: Creeeeeeepy.

Man Charged After Making Coffee Naked: I'm a terminal nudist. I'd be arrested daily.

Chinese 'cat-girl' baffles doctors: Where Savar come from.

'Aura' migraines a stroke risk: This is precisely the kind of migraine I live with. Ugh.

German arm wrestler shows off his single Popeye-esque limb: I'm sure he's heard the vulgar joke I'm thinking.

Succu Dry Sex in a Can: The Hallowe'en fleshlight (thanks, Ted).
shanmonster: (Don't just sing it--bring it!)
The reprieve was short. The headache is back. And now I must go teach a dance class. Argh.

[Pain]
shanmonster: (Default)
I think the headache is gone. If I were superstitious, and if I weren't afraid the sound would bring back the headache, I'd knock on wood.

[Rose]
shanmonster: (Default)
Dear migraine. Go die.

Love,
Me.

shanmonster: (Default)
Ouch. Migraine. Still.

[Ouch]
shanmonster: (Tiger claw)
Migraines can kiss my ass.

[Migraine Shan]

Clear!

Sep. 5th, 2008 09:29 am
shanmonster: (Default)
My tabs are burgeoning, and I have much to do today.

So here you go, and off I go!

Ben Charles Padilla Jr.: How does a Boeing 727 just disappear? It is a mystery, but Ben went missing, too.

Russia's Putin saves TV crew from Siberian tiger: Every nation should be so lucky as to be led by a stud-muffin superhero. Go Putin! You wrassle tigers!

Where to Get Free and Legal Music: Legal download sites. Suck on that, RIAA.

Jinnetic Engineering: Cute short story about the intersection of science and magic (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] zombienought).

Perfect Weapon: "It's a real challenge using the flail, because if you get it wrong, you take yourself out but if you get it right, it can be absolutely devastating."

Local Man Drowns at Columbia Lake: A sad, unremarkable story, but the photo hypnotizes me. It's like a grad photo, only different. Eerie.

Innate immune system targets asthma-linked fungus for destruction: I can has breathing now?

One-Legged Hooker Slain: The world is such a bizarre place (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] warren_ellis).

Can You Dig It Suckers?: "A list of the names of the gangs of London, August 2007 (Updated September 2nd 2008)."

Dolphin speedboat makes a splash: This might make me get over my latent phobia of submarines, just because it looks so damned spiffy.

Roman Empire 'raised HIV threat': Blame Caesar for AIDS?

Elephant cured of drug addiction: "An Asian elephant that became addicted to heroin after being fed bananas spiked with the drug is to return home after undergoing a detox programme." Like I said, the world is bizarre.

In other bizarre news, my megrim has once again reared its sparkly, evil head. I've been living in strobe land since Saturday, and have felt weak and disassociated from reality for that long, too. Here's hoping the megrim fairy leaves me the fuck alone, STAT!
shanmonster: (Default)
It's been quite a while since I've acted on a serious whim. I've gotta get on that.

My whims are the product of my creative mind. Am I stultifying? Lord, I hope not.

No running for me, today. Walking through squelchy field, forest, and stream will be more than enough of a workout. My ailment has left me thoroughly scattered. My vision has holes. It's leaking out of me. The music I listen to plucks at my skin painlessly like the nibblings of tiny fish. I feel like my consciousness has turned into itty bitty particles that are seeping out of my head and raining down on my surroundings like volcanic ash. And that makes me rather weak and dizzy, I must say.

Who needs drugs when you have a brain like mine?
shanmonster: (Sigh....)
My exhaustion of this week has coalesced into a flu or the plague. I feel woozy, disassociated, megrim-ish, and stoned. Ugh. Just in time for the Ministry show tomorrow, of course.

In celebration, I'd like to share with you some information I received from the Morbid Fact du Jour mailing list. Enjoy!
This may sound weird but there is morbidity in Buddhism. Buddhism is known for the practice of meditation, most popular is Zen meditation. But most people do not know that there is a meditation called “corpse meditation” or Asubha. This type of meditation is rarely practiced now because there are few charnel grounds, where corpses of varying degrees of decomposition can be meditated upon, nowadays because of
the difficulty of finding appropriate corpse (unless you meditate in a morgue). Corpse meditation is used to make the meditator realize that our physical bodies are made up of impurities, and that everything is
impermanent. This is also used to make the meditator not cling to the human body.

There have been many instances, mentioned in the Buddhist Canon (the Tipitaka/Tripitaka), when the Buddha recommended this kind of meditation to his disciples, especially to those who are overcome with lust and are obsessed with the body. And there have been many instances where people became enlightened or became Arhats by
meditating upon a corpse.

There is an instance when the Buddha had the decomposing body of a courtesan auctioned to the woman’s former clients. It served as a lesson to his disciples that the human body is impermanent and disgusting and not worth clinging to.

In any case, it was the body of a dead person, carried by mourning relatives to the cremation grounds, which was one of the “Four Signs” that made the Buddha renounce his princely life and seek enlightenment.

Anyway, corpse meditation is divided into ten categories (depending on the state of the corpse). I will mention the original Pali (language used by the Buddha and Theravada monks) word and the corresponding
English translation. The descriptions are taken from chapter VI of “Vissudhimagga” (The Path of Purification) by Bhadantâcariya Buddhaghosa, a 5th century monk.

1. Uddhumâtaka – the bloated: it is bloated because bloated by gradual dilation and swelling after the close of life, as a bellows is with wind.
2. Vinîlaka – the livid: this is a term for a corpse that is reddish-colored in places where flesh is prominent, whitish-colored in places where pus has collected, but mostly blue-black, as if draped with blue-
black cloth in the blue-black places.
3. Vipubbaka – the festering: what is trickling with pus in broken places is festering.
4. Vicchiddaka – the cut up: what has been opened up by cutting it in two is called cut up…. The cut up is found on a battle field or in a robbers’ forest or on a charnel ground where kings have robbers cut up
or in the jungle in a place where men are torn up by lions and tigers.
5. Vikkhâyitaka – the gnawed what has been chewed here and there in various ways by dogs, jackals, etc. is what is gnawed.
6. Vikkhittaka – the scattered: This is a term for a corpse that is strewn here and there in this way: ‘Here a hand, there a foot, there the head’.
7. Hatavikkhittaka – the hacked and scattered: this is a term for a corpse scattered in the way just described after it has been hacked with a knife in a crow’s-foot pattern on every limb.
8. Hitaka – the bleeding: it sprinkles, scatters blood, and it trickles here and there…. The bleeding is found at the time when blood is trickling from the opening of the wounds received on battle fields, etc., or from the openings of burst boils and abscesses when the hand and feet have been cut off.
9. Pulapaka – the worm-infested: this is a term for a corpse full of maggots… when at the end of two or three days a mass of maggots oozes out from the corpse’s nine orifices, and the mass lies there like a
heap of paddy or boiled rice as big as the body, whether the body is that of a dog, a jackal, a human being, an ox, a buffalo, an elephant, a horse, a python, or what you will.
10. Atthika – a skeleton: this is a term for both a single bone and a framework of bones.

Detailed instructions are described in that same book. The author has also warned not to go to the corpse, especially the bloated corpse, immediately, because the meditator might be attracted to the body, and
thus perform necrophilia instead of meditation. The meditator is also prohibited to touch and handle the corpse and body parts as it can remove the disgust for the human body.

There is a nice verse at the end:

This filthy body stinks outright
Like ordure, like a privy’s site;
This body men that have insight
Condemn, is object of a fool’s delight.

A tumor where nine holes abide
Wrapped in a coat of clammy hide
And trickling filth in every side,
Polluting the air with stenches far and wide.

If it perchance should come about
That what is inside it came out,
Surely a man would need a knout
With which to put the crows and dogs to rout.

I have heard of a Western monk who tried to do the corpse meditation. He didn’t last long.

It is said that this is one of the most difficult meditation practice. Aside from the danger from wild dogs, wolves other animals and men, there is a risk of having hallucinations during the meditation. The meditator would also have to deal with the stench from the corpses, and the swarm of flies and insects. For these reasons, too, that corpse meditation is rarely practiced.

I would like to suggest this kind of meditation for morbid lovers, but I’m telling you of the risks involved. If you want to try this, seek a teacher first. The teacher will know if you are ready for that kind of
meditation.


And now I'm off to trudge around the woods for a few hours.
shanmonster: (Tiger claw)
Beyond making for a good yarn, I really don't care about your past. I care about who you are now.

....

I'd been craving martinis for almost two weeks, and on Wednesday, I decided to do something about that. So I got all dressed up and went to the Ren and ordered myself a chocolatini. Cheryl, the barkeep and my good twin, made me one, but not the normal variety. Instead, it was a milky white, and tasted delicious in a sweet and somewhat salty sort of way. I call it Easter Bunny Cum. I told her this, and she laughed. She also gave me an articulated finger claw thingermabob. What are those things called? I don't really know. But it is over the top, shiny, and pokey.

I wandered back to the DJ booth to stash my jacket and saw a man standing there expectantly. "Are you the DJ?" he asked.

"No," I said. I pointed to [livejournal.com profile] schwartzung. "He is."

"I want to make a request," he said. "But I gotta say, you look very nice." He extended his hand to shake mine and introduced himself.

I thanked him for the compliment and went on my merry way.

The thing is, three or four more times that evening, the guy re-introduced himself to me, and each time the compliments became more fulsome.

Finally, when I was sitting by myself on a couch, I saw him making a beeline towards me. "Oh dear," I thought to myself, because it was all getting a bit uncomfortable.

"Hi!" he said, proffering his hand. Once again, I shook his hand, and once again, he introduced himself. "Say, um, do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend?"

"No!" I said, rather disingenuously. A beat passed. "I have a husband."

And the poor guy said, "Oh," turned, and left the club.

Oh dear.

I hate playing the trump card. It always feels so cheap.

The night took a bizarre turn a bit later when a woman sat across from me and made rude sniping comments to me, which I ignored. Later on, I found she was trying to stir up some drama by telling on of my friends that I was trying to steal that friend's boyfriend away. Give me a fucking break. Why on earth would a thirty-something woman try to pull off such high school antics? That's just sad. It is also the first time someone has tried to create drama about me in a decade or so. My friend didn't believe it for a second, of course, and called her on it. Sheesh.

Stephen Thrasher did a great job. Their music is eminently danceable, and Reanie's stage presence and Stephen's singing have greatly improved since the last time I saw them. Great job, guys! You rocked the casbah....

I was gifted with two more martinis that night, so my cravings have been sated. Martinis, however, leave me in bizarre territory. Although I don't have a flirtatious bone in my body, when I drink a martini, something miraculous happens, and I am transformed into some sort of a flirt monster. Not wanting to do something outrageous, I turned to my buddy Carrie and said, "You're safe!" and hugged the shit out of her. I find it interesting how different drinks have completely different effects on me. Good thing I didn't have absinthe, or I might have started a bar fight.

When Cheryl kicked us out, the party gravitated to my place. [livejournal.com profile] schwartzung and Ian (from Hamilton) returned with me and subjected me to cruel abuse (and a tasty omelette), playing video after horrid video of what have to be some of the worst singers in the history of the world. It hurt so much I was in tears, rolling on the floor, banging my head on things. And yes, you should expect a post linking to some of these videos, because such aural assault should not be suffered by me alone. You'll listen to it, and you will suck it up, thank me, and ask for more.

My night finally ended around 10:30 in the morning, by which point my migraine hallucinations had expanded to new proportions. At night, when I'm in the darkness and am somewhat tired, I see halos around items, particularly around vertical straight edges. It is something of an echo effect, so if I'm looking at a pole, for instance, I will see multiple images of that pole, moving off into the distance and gradually fading. By 10:30 in the morning, I was seeing these in the daylight for the first time. I was also confusing my chinchillas with cats, so it was a good thing I got some sleep.

I had to get up three hours later for an appointment with a lung specialist. When he checked my lung capacity, he gave me some excellent news. On my current medication dose, my lungs register as those of a normal, healthy person. He also confirmed my suspicion that my feelings of strength, stamina, and general invincibility earlier this month were indeed what I ought to feel like when my lungs are at 100% efficiency. Huzzah!

After hearing this good news, I went back home and crashed.

I'm feeling well-rested today. Are you?

[James, Kris, and I]
shanmonster: (Spasmolytic)
I've got to get back into the swing of writing. I've also got to get myself a new ink cartridge for the printer, because I figure I've got a dozen or so pages' worth left, and hundreds of pages to print.

For the past while, I've been making like a vampire and going to bed whenever the sun comes up. I'll go to bed earlier tonight, because I have kung fu in the morning. But as it currently stands, I've only been out of bed for two hours, now, so my early evening dance class feels like a morning one.

Two years ago, this bizarre sleep schedule would have left me with longterm migraines. Now, migraines are few and far between. I believe I've only had two or three in the past two years, and they've been very minor. Awesome.

Now, before I take off to teach veilwork to my newbie class, here are a couple of links.

Shake That Bear: NSFW. This is the sort of porn video that really makes me feel very, very well-adjusted in a I-want-to-shoot-them sort of way (thanks again, [livejournal.com profile] warrenellis).

What's This Right Here?: This left me with giggle bursts for about ten minutes after watching it (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] f00dave).
shanmonster: (Peeking)
I feel high. I feel drunk. I feel spacey. And it's all due to a migraine fugue and an altered sleep schedule. I have no doubt my brain shall reset sometime this week, but in the meantime, I'm on one hell of a ride.

I LARPed last night. No regular game afterwards, but no matter. I ended up talking until 3:30 in the morning, and coming home during my favourite time of day. 4 am is the best time. I have the city pretty much to myself. It's just me, a sleeping city, and wide-awake nature. The rabbits often come out at night, and they'll sit stock-still in lawns, staring at me and chewing cud.

When I got home, I sat at my computer for a minute to unwind before going to bed, and the phone rang. It was a drunk. I told him he had the wrong number, and he slurred out an apology before hanging up. He didn't call back.

...

Link dump time.

Steampunk Monitor Mod: Someone turned a flatscreen monitor into a thing of beauty.

American Brothers Gored in Bull Run: They're ok, but you wouldn't necessarily guess it from the photo. OUCH (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] gha5t)!

A Gate-Crasher's Change of Heart: Maybe the best way to give a mugger a change of heart is to give him a nice glass of Chateau Malescot St-Exupéry.

Stroszek - Dancing Chicken: The bizarre and famous ending of Werner Herzog's 1977 feature film. Someone said this is the last thing Ian Curtis watched before killing himself. Is this true?

Crane Shot: Serendipitous confabulation of technology and heavenly bodies (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] f00dave).

Oh. I need a nap, asap. The sleep deprivation is catcing up with me, big-time.

Work It

May. 2nd, 2007 10:05 am
shanmonster: (Spasmolytic)

Work


I need to find a part-time day job as my dance education expenses cost more than I'm making doing the actual dance.

I teach on Mondays at noon and again at 6, so Mondays are generally pooched. I take a dance class on Wednesdays at 5, and am often out of town on weekends for dance workshops/performances. Weekday mornings would be great, and preferably in the downtown Kitchener area. Either that or something I can do from home with my own set hours. Up to 10 hours per week would be ideal. Any ideas?

My skill set is varied: customer service, online/library research, animal handling, website design, ad/promo copy writing, basic goldsmithing, theatre/dance/music reviewing, voice talent, retail, modelling, heavy lifting, botanic illustration, food/beverage preparation, etc. I'm a Jane of all trades, really.

-----

Dance


[ArBee]Dance-wise, I'm still in the process of expanding my horizons. I've been learning a lot through my Danse du Jour series, but want to learn more. What am I missing? Do you have any recommendations? I've been trying to find good examples of other dance forms (eg. contact dance, square dance, jazz, contemporary, etc.) and could use some help. Do you know of excellent, inspiring, or just plain thought-provoking video clips I could share? Tell me! As long as it has some element which makes it stand out (even for negative reasons), I want to see it.

Today I finally begin regular ATS instruction. I'm really looking forward to this. And right after I finish my ATS class, I trundle over to my pole dancing class. In a weird sort of way, I can see how the two could potentially fuse together. Imagine, if you will, group improvised pole dancing. Hmm....

I'm looking forward to Rachel Brice's new instruction video: Bellydance Arms and Posture.

-----

Music


There's a possibility I may be going stateside this weekend with [livejournal.com profile] miami_pony to see Jonathan Coulton in Rochester, NY. Do you know if I need to have a passport to go to the USA from Canada? I lack that particular piece of identification. I have my provincial ID, OHIP card, and birth certificate. Is that enough?

Edit: According to this site, I do not need a passport to enter the US by land or by sea. A birth certificate and photo ID will do. If I were flying in, however, a passport is necessary. Odd.

-----

Megrim


I didn't get to wing chun last night as I was suddenly stricken with intense exhaustion. I think it's related to the migraine aura which has been taunting me with elusive sparkles for the past week or so. The exhaustion hit me around 3pm, and only worsened when I went to yoga with [livejournal.com profile] snowy_kathryn. My brain grew heavy in my head, and my eyes became as Atlas holding aloft the heavens. My eyelids were forced lower and lower under this perceived weight, and my hearing narrowed to a thin, low whistle. During the warrior series, I felt myself browning out several times, and only through careful breathing and easing up on the depth of my stance was I able to avoid crashing down onto the floor in a swoon. The eagle asana was pretty darned abortive. I simply could not stand on one foot. I've never welcomed savasana as much as I did last night. I staggered home afterwards, collapsed on the couch, and blearily watched Borat.

I feel normal today.

-----

Links


Iran ban on 'Western' hairstyles: The fashion police exist for real.

Male Scientist Writes of Life as Female Scientist: I can't help but draw a parallel to Tiresias.

Topsy, Electrocuted by Edison: The Rasputin of the pachyderm kingdom finally met her demise thanks to the showboating of agenda-ridden inventors.

Getting Off . . .: Just another story about just another apotemnophile.

Man cuts off penis in restaurant: You just can't take some people anywhere.

LSD as Therapy? Write about It, Get Barred from US: "Nobel Peace prize winners, some of the great scientists and writers in the world have experimented with LSD in their time. We know people are being pulled out of lines and racially profiled as part of the war against terrorism. But this is a different kind of travesty, banning someone because they used a substance in another country thirty years ago."

How to Smoke All You Want: Cigarettes are good for you (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] gha5t).

You Haven't Seen Crazy Until You've Seen America's Black Hitler: "Dig 'em up and kill 'em again."

Turtle Sex: Turtle slash wok (thanks [livejournal.com profile] seraph_x).
shanmonster: (On the stairs)
Crap. I think I might be getting another migraine. What the hell?

I dance tonight, with or without my vision and concentration. Here's hoping it's with my breath, because last night I had another minor bout with asthma which left me weak and trembly throughout wing chun (but not so weak and trembly that I couldn't go into a bridge arch and do a bunch of pushups. Woo!).

I'm off to lunch, soon, and then to Toronto.

I'll be wearing a brand-new costume tonight.

I'm considering becoming superstitious, so I can cross my fingers and have everything go well tonight. Everything's packed. All I have to do is go....
shanmonster: (Default)
I can't quite see properly to read, and this time, I'm not sure if it's a migraine artifact or just a floater. Either way, there's a little dark spot floating in just the wrong spot. How annoying. I must remember to take my multivitamins daily. I've noticed a definite drop-off in migraine hallucinations since I've started dosing myself with vitamin B12 on a regular basis. When I forget to take the vitamins for a couple of days, the spots and confusion come floating back.

Ballet didn't kick my ass as hard last night as it did last week. My calves aren't rock-solid ache-monsters. Can they already be acclimatising themselves to the exercise? Hmmm.... Before I did ballet, I went to the gym and did an abs and back class. Mostly, it was pretty easy, but there was this one Pilates-derived ab exercise that left me a trembling boomerang-shaped ShanMonster. Gotta remember that one.

And now I'm off to the gym to pump iron. Ta ta!

Shiftuck

Nov. 7th, 2006 12:20 pm
shanmonster: (Da Vinci ShanMonster)
For the past week, my migraine aura has been growing. Two days ago, it reached distraction state. This means that once again, while I'm talking with someone, I'll be occasionally shooting quick glimpses off to my upper right. This makes the person I'm talking to also look off in that direction, not see anything, and assume I'm batfuck.

They're right, in a sense. Who but a batfuck person will see their own personal strobe light show, complete with sunlight reflecting off a rippling pond, when no one else can? I feel a light pressure on the top of my head and on my right eye. It doesn't hurt at all. It's just a small, ghostly weight.

A few minutes ago, my brain started to become foggy again, too. This is not good. I've held this aspect of my migraines off for about a year and a half. Why is it returning now?

I'll betcha those couple of times I woke up with a sense of foreboding were triggered by the swelling of this migraine. Here's hoping I don't once again cross the threshold into longterm blindness and stupor again.
shanmonster: (Spasmolytic)
[livejournal.com profile] f00dave wants me to write a collection of my synaesthetic thoughts. It will be a tricky project for me, as my sensory associations are too obvious to me (like writing, I have a nose. My skin is on top of my muscles). But now that I know this doesn't happen for other people, I ought to invest a bit more thought into it.

Here are a few quick examples:

When my leg muscles are sore, sometimes they feel like they need to puke. Literally.

When I close my eyes, I don't see black. I see coloured static which coalesces into all sorts of shapes and movements. It's like my own personal cartoon show.

When I pay attention to the actual words people are saying, I see black text scrolling simultaneously with the words. Maybe that's why I've always been good at spelling. I see words when I hear them.

When I eat fresh pineapple, it makes me move my head back and my chest forward in a bizarre attempt to escape the flavour, even though I like it. I also see yellow fluid sluicing down into an invisible goblet.

Sometimes when I laugh, it's shaped like a big black wedge (like the end of one of those big pink erasers).

Now, I know these things aren't real. For instance, I don't see a literal black wedge with my laughter, but it springs unbidden in my mind, in a different fashion than if I were to intentionally imagine things to associate with sounds. And it's not like if I heard a horse whinny that I'd suddenly picture a horse. No, that makes too much logical sense. Instead, I might see a flash of yellow, simultaneous with the sound.

I suspect it's all related to my perpetual migraine status aura, but couldn't tell you for sure....
shanmonster: (Spasmolytic)
I'm too punky for my job. I'm wearing blue camo pants, my black and red ultraviolent KMFDM Hau Ruck tshirt, a black and blue studded leather choker [livejournal.com profile] f00dave made for me, and I'm doing it all legally, since I've cashed in one of my many casual day coupons.

I can likely wear jeans for the rest of my career here, if I so choose. How dreadfully thrilling!

Beh. In other news, I have the spins again today and my right eye keeps twitching. Sometimes, migraines are like being drunk, high, and on a fair ride.

Yesterday, I had one of my usual annoying, not-so-intelligent, callers on the line, and I was uncharacteristically curt and rude with her. She wasn't being nasty--just dumb--but she picked up that I was peeved with her. I guess it's a good thing I'm going, otherwise I'm afraid this behaviour can only escalate. The worst part is that I don't feel bad about it, although I know I should.

Also, does anyone know when they want to stay at a hotel today? I'm getting a disproportionate amount of customers who want to book, but have no idea what dates they want to book for. Is it so difficult to figure out which hotel you want to stay at, and which nights you want before you call in? Apparently so.

My favourite calls of this variety include this sort of transaction:

Me: Which hotel in which city, please?

Silly Customer (SC): It doesn't matter.

Me: We have over thirty hotels across the country. Are you sure you don't want to narrow it down to a province, at the very least?

SC: Oh.

Oh indeed.

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