Black Swan

Dec. 21st, 2010 01:47 am
shanmonster: (Dance Monkey Dance!)
... is so good and so fucking creepy I could just swoon.

I was kept off-balance throughout the whole movie. The story is excellent. The acting is excellent. I could do without the shaky camera, but in this instance, it really does make sense.

I need to get the DVD.

Thank you for there being a truly awesome dance movie.
shanmonster: (Dance Monkey Dance!)
I can't say I'm a big fan of dance movies. They're just too girly for me. They are the sexy glam version of action movies. I think they're generally targeted toward audiences who are more likely to watch chick flicks than, ahem, dick flicks (and I mean "Universal Soldier," not "Deep Throat"). Instead of fighting with guns, enemies fight with choreography. Instead of warring over goldmines and government secrets, battles are fought over hot love interests and starring roles in Vegas song and dance shows. The thought that goes into the storyline is typically about as deep as the plot behind a blockbuster action movie, too. The protagonist is usually, but not always, female, and there's pretty much always a steamy sex scene or two sprinkled throughout the film.

Much of the time, the protagonist in a dance movie (at least the few I've seen), is a plucky, take-no-shit kind of young woman from an impoverished background, who, if she's still not in high school, grew up supporting her dance dream by working at some menial non-dance job. In Showgirls she was a hooker. In Drop Dead Gorgeous she put makeup on corpses at a funeral home. In countless others, she's a waitress.

There are always vicious cat fights in dance movies. The lesson here is to watch out for dancers, because they can use those arabesques and pas de deuxes like round house kicks and chain punches, and aren't afraid to. Or they resort to dirty tricks, like spraying Pam on the tips of pointe shoes or some such. In either case, don't mess with a dancer. They'll mess your shit up, yo.

As in action movies, scenes are punctuated with a series of training montages. Instead of showing burly men swinging weapons and getting all greasy while they fix up their trucks, you see women dancing at the barre, eating beans and brown rice, and sweating dramatically, yet femininely, while they plié their way to divahood.

By the end of the movie, the protagonist has vanquished her opponent and proven herself as the best dancer out there. And she gets the guy, too. Or, gets the guy and ditches him, in a sort of catch and release fishing program.

Tonight I watch Black Swan. I'm curious to see if it fits into this theme.

Shiny

Dec. 20th, 2010 01:16 pm
shanmonster: (Liothu'a)
I had a wonderful weekend. I hung out with [livejournal.com profile] knightky and we made fleur de sel toffee, went skating, watched a horrible movie (Mutant, which is amusing if only for its blatant and very silly sexism), and watched Walking Dead. He also retrieved my digital camera from the repair place, and I'm looking forward to getting back into photography. I must first locate the camera cable. Where the hell did it go?

I watched Tron last night, which is a neon-lit turd of a movie. I think it is supposed to have a deep spiritual message of some sort, but it sure as hell doesn't. The first part is a blatant rip-off of the Star Wars franchise. The rest is pseudo-spiritual hoohaw with occasional chase scenes involving uncomfortable-looking rides that fart digital rainbows. Over all, it is very much a movie of style over substance, and it made me wish I were watching The Big Lebowski, instead.

I couldn't help but shake my head that the protagonist's big altruistic kick was to release the mega-corporation's new OS to the public for free on the internet. While that was a laudable act within the movie, I'm amused at the thought of how Disney execs will react to free torrents of their cash cow being all over the intarwebs.

Now it's back to the grind, and so I'm steeling myself for a day of proofreading and an evening of exercise. The night will be wrapped up by a viewing of Black Swan, which looks to be the first good dance movie in forever. I don't know what it is about dance movies, but they are pretty much universally dreadful.
shanmonster: (On the stairs)
Friday night was toga night. I prepared by baking a pie (Pumpkin Pecan Pie Crisp made with almonds instead of pecans. It was delicious) and Chinese tea eggs, which look like this:

[Chinese Tea Eggs]

They were very interesting to make, even if the flavour was a little too subtle for me to justify all the work. Still, I think they're beautiful to look at.

I got [livejournal.com profile] f00dave to wrap me up in red broadcloth, and then pin it all in place. No, it's not a real toga. My classics graduate self was cringing at the impropriety of a woman wearing a man's garment (for shame! Roman drag!), and also at wearing a rectangle of cloth and calling it a toga. A real toga is much more specific. And it wasn't rectangular in shape. But I digress.

[livejournal.com profile] knightky showed up and started trying to get into his toga: a blue sheet. Much to my great amusement, it was a fitted sheet.

Luckily for him, Dave had more broadcloth: a nice piece of chocolate brown fabric. And so, all togaed up, Amelia, Dave, Kyle, and I went off to the Roman Bloodstone to have our orgy. Ok, so we didn't have an orgy, but Caligula did. That's what we had playing in the background. I was most amused by Steph's reaction to Caligula's blessing of the wedding of Proculus. Oh, poor Proculus. At the very least, Caligula ought to have removed his giant signet ring. Shameful, really.

In honour of the poor doomed sod, here's some deleted footage in which he manages to survive against the odds.



Some day, I will have penis and vagina cakes a la Caligula. Those were very fancy. Especially with the smoke coming out of the vagina. I'm still not sure what that was supposed to be. Perhaps a burning case of syphilis? There were plenty of examples of the ravages of that disease throughout the movie. Oh, Peter O'Toole....

We didn't play any Roman games at the party, I'm afraid, although I did get fed some peeled grapes. I could get used to having a grape-peeling slave, although he'd only be brought out for special occasions, I suppose. Somehow, my toga managed to stay on, despite its precarious nature. I was certain there'd be some accidental nudity, but my false modesty remained intact. After good food, good wine, and good company, I bid all a good night and went home.

The next day, we had testosterone movie night, filled with all sorts of menergy. We watched the most recent Rambo movie, Conan the Barbarian, The Condemned (starring a bunch of WWE wrestlers), and Commando. I'd forgotten just how dreadful Commando is. The acting is lamentable. I slept through most of it, I think, partially because of the copious amounts of white Merlot I imbibed.

Yesterday, I helped my sister move into her new place in London. Then I was peopled out for the rest of the day, and sequestered myself in my sanctum sanctorum, aka the ShanCave.

Today, I went to a cycling class, and in a couple of hours, I'll be pole dancing. I expect to be too sore to move afterwards. Good. I'll do something comparable tomorrow.

How about you? What did you do this weekend?
shanmonster: (Default)
I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be healthy again. Chest cold + asthma + lung infection = hell. Still, I feel better than I did two nights ago, and it doesn't hurt to breathe anymore. I just feel weak and trembly like a newborn foal or something. Neigh.

I watched Chocolate last night. Those people are crazy. I don't know how they didn't all die during the filming. How is it that dozens didn't die with those stunts? Also, autistic martial artist versus palsied martial artist? Really?

So now I eat cheese and work on a story. Not much good for anything else, at the moment. Blargh.

shanmonster: (Tiger claw)
In 2006, I watched 167 movies. In 2007, I watched 157 movies. How many do you suppose I'll see this year? Should I plan for 147 to keep up the trend?

Here's what I've seen so far this year:


  1. Smokin' Aces
  2. The Holy Mountain
  3. The General's Daughter
  4. Hamburger Hill
  5. The Deer Hunter
  6. Pulp Fiction
  7. The Good German
  8. The Prestige
  9. The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone
shanmonster: (Peeking)
I woke up with "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne in my head. Now my inner radio is spewing "Toxic" by Britney Spears. Why? Why? WHY???

Frog-g-g is the 100th movie I've seen this year. The Canterbury Tales is the 46th book I've started. I have listened to countless songs spanning dozens of genres. Why is it the top 40 pabulum that sticks?
shanmonster: (Spasmolytic)
For some seriously fucked up and unkennable reason, one of the first things I did today was go to Google Maps and type in Nicosia. Do it and see what happens. Then get a satellite view and see what happens. Ougadougou isn't much better. And the entire nations of Haiti and Dominican Republic are AWOL. What the hell?

...

And now it's time for a movie review.

[American Cyborg]American Cyborg: Steel Warrior was produced by the same man who did Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (the holy grail of bad movies) and the new Rambo movie. Based on this track record, you might think you're in for an entertaining B-movie ride, but you'd be mistaken. American Cyborg has little to redeem it, even for a hardened bad movie watcher like myself.

The plot is highly derivative of Terminator, Blade Runner, and maybe even Leave the Bronx (I mean Escape 2000). Here's the premise. The computers have taken over the post-apocalyptic world, but instead of killing off all the humans, have somehow sterilized them and are letting them die off. An underground science team finds the only woman in the world with ova, and succeed in making a test tube pregnant with her baby.

The baby's test tube is too small, so the baby must be escorted to the port where it will be transferred into an artificial womb and taken to Europe where it will be used to create a new race of fertile humans. However, a mustachioed Rutger Hauer wannabe is an evil cyborg, and kills everyone in the team except Mom and her baby in a bottle.

There's a whole lot of running through bombed-out Tel Aviv (which is supposed to be somewhere in America), and finally our yummy mummy meets up with a Fabio/Mad Max-looking dude. Before you can say romantic interest, he's saving her butt and his dark secret comes out.

Will the baby make it to Europe? Will the hero's secret be yet another derivative cliche? Will they escape the radioactive, cannibalistic, art historians? Watch this turkey if you feel like it, but be fortified by licit or illicit substances to help your courage along.

The only thing which "saves" this movie are the scenes of the fetus in a giant test tube (ideal for drinking game purposes) and the heroine's cleavage and constantly morphing sunglasses. There are better bad movies to see.

Got Life?

May. 3rd, 2007 09:34 am
shanmonster: (Don't just sing it--bring it!)
According to a meme I stumbled across, "supposedly if you've seen over 85 movies, you have no life." Read more... )

That being said, so far this year,

  • I have seen fifty movies
  • and am working on my 27th book.
  • I've taken numerous dance workshops (hmm. I ought to make a tally list for those, too)
  • have completed two dance costumes
  • performed several times at various venues in Ontario and Quebec
  • given a few dozen students the basics of belly dance
  • baked several batches of cookies
  • learned the rudiments of bicycle mechanics
  • attended numerous dance performances in a variety of styles
  • helped several people with postural issues
  • started taking pole dancing classes
  • did chin-ups
  • developed a couple of new vegetarian soup recipes
  • got so I can navigate downtown Toronto without ever looking at a map
  • started taking ATS classes
  • have begun educating myself on as many different dance styles as possible on a daily basis
  • lost my Rocky Horror Show cherry
  • started taking ballet classes
  • initiated proceedings to begin paper-making again
  • attended a munch where I ate vanilla cake
  • as an 800-year-old vampire, facilitated a coup to take over the city of Hamilton
  • radically increased my hip flexibility
  • discovered a couple of excellent restaurants
  • attended a Baha'i celebration
  • attended academic presentations on zombies and dance (not at the same time)
  • learned to enjoy beer

I have no life.
shanmonster: (Peeking)
Books are dangerous, and ought not to get into the wrong hands. That's why the following list has been challenged so many times between 1990-2000: lest minds be opened and foreign concepts be introduced to hungry minds.

I am 41% corrupt, and would like to increase that to 100% (Well, maybe not 100%. I think I can live without reading the Goosebump series).

Don't let it happen to you. )
shanmonster: (Default)
- I went to the dentist yesterday. My jaw still aches when I open my mouth very wide.

- I went to see Grindhouse last night. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a movie so bloody much. Normally, car chases bore the hell out of me. But the chase scene in Deathproof literally had me on the edge of my seat. The stunts are in-fucking-sane! The nostalgia factor had me going, bigtime, too. I remember going to the movies in the 70s and early 80s. This movie brought it all back, and hard. And as for the trailers, well, I sure damned hope Machete, Don't, Hobo With a Shotgun, and Werewolf Women of the SS get made. I'm not so keen on Thanksgiving. Bleah. Being a huge bad movie buff, I think I was catching a lot of references that most audience members miss. That being said, I know bloody well I was missing plenty, too. How about that Ilsa the Wicked Warden reference? How about Udo Kier? How about boobies and head explodies in the trailers? The only thing missing was an ad about popcorn, liquorice all-sorts, and other tasty treats. What next? A return to the drive-in?

- I went to Recycle Cycles and, with the help of a few volunteer bike mechanics, got my bicycle in decent condition again. I helped replace an axle, ball bearings, and did a lot of filthy, filthy work.

- I'm going to try to order in some new eyeglasses today. I've picked out a set of frames. Here's hoping they'll work with my prescription.

- Kurt Vonnegut died. Although I've yet to read all his books, I'm always especially unhappy when a great writer dies. It means no more books by them. Damn.

- [livejournal.com profile] miami_pony came to visit. Yay!

- I'm going to take a tribal fusion workshop with Rosanna in Toronto on Saturday. Rosanna is an awesome dancer, and I'm looking forward to it.

- For the first time, I got dizzy at pole dancing class. I hope this doesn't continue.

- My website, rather, its server, is still dead.

- I'm going to visit [livejournal.com profile] redlyra next weekend, see a live production of Rocky Horror Picture Show, and attend the Sunday session of the International Belly Dance Conference. I hope to see [livejournal.com profile] changingwomon there, too, because I miss her severely!
shanmonster: (Default)
To continue a new tradition, here are the movies I've watched in 2007. Think I'll beat last year's tally of 167?


  1. An Evening With Kevin Smith 2 - Evening Harder
  2. Bon Cop, Bad Cop
  3. Shake It Up!: Exotic Bellydance Performances
  4. Nosferatu
  5. Chain of Souls (Dear god... What a piece of shite....)
  6. The Greater Wrong of the Right
  7. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
  8. Mean Girls
  9. Clerks 2
  10. Modern Vampires
  11. The Covenant
  12. Gargoyle - Wings of Darkness
  13. The 40-Year-Old Virgin
  14. Pan's Labyrinth
  15. Cirque du Soleil - Solstrom
  16. Street Trash
  17. Count Yorga, Vampire
  18. Van Helsing
  19. Night of a Thousand Cats
  20. Idiocracy
  21. The Legend of Diablo
  22. Superman Returns
  23. Cannibal! The Musical
  24. Vampires vs. Zombies
  25. Body Melt
  26. Ballistic - Ecks vs. Sever
  27. Oz - The Complete First Season
  28. The Illusionist
  29. Jackass Number Two
  30. Oz: The Complete Second Season
  31. Beastmaster
  32. Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny
  33. 300
  34. Nude for Satan
  35. Stranger Than Fiction
  36. The Fearless Vampire Killers, or Pardon Me but Your Teeth Are in My Neck
  37. Victor/Victoria
  38. Oz - The Complete Third Season
  39. The Magnificent Seven
  40. Hercules
  41. Grindhouse
  42. The Art of Belly Dance
  43. Ravenous
  44. Megalodon
  45. Oz - The Complete Fourth Season
  46. Blade II
  47. The Greatest American Hero - Season One
  48. Mark of the Vampire
  49. MST3K: The Giant Spider Invasion
  50. Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed
  51. Spider-Man 3
  52. Beautiful Boxer
  53. Blade
  54. Dungeons and Dragons
  55. Eragon
  56. Witchboard
  57. Hot Fuzz
  58. Oz - The Complete Fifth Season
  59. Girl Slaves of Morgana Le Fay
  60. Carnivale - The Complete First Season
  61. Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection: Vol. 10
  62. Super Size Me
  63. Oz - The Complete Sixth Season
  64. Decoys - The Second Seduction
  65. Dracula
  66. American Cyborg: Steel Warrior
  67. Spice World
  68. Frailty
  69. Hologram Man
  70. The Prisoner - Disk 1
  71. Ghost Rider
  72. Hannibal Rising
  73. The Gods Must Be Crazy
  74. The Gamers
  75. Classic Cabaret Floorwork with Anaheed
  76. Ratatouille
  77. Rome - The Complete Second Season
  78. Blood and Donuts
  79. Dog Soldiers
  80. Alien Species
  81. Altered States
  82. Heroes - Season One
  83. The Brotherhood III - Young Demons
  84. Zero Kelvin
  85. Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story
  86. Midnight Mass
  87. Snakes on a Train
  88. The Prophecy
  89. The Prophecy II
  90. Caligula
  91. Cronos
  92. The Bourne Ultimatum
  93. Children of Men
  94. Night at the Museum
  95. Stardust
  96. Pathfinder
  97. Casino Royale
  98. Aftershock
  99. Brick
  100. Frog-g-g
  101. Starship Troopers
  102. Meat for Satan's Icebox
  103. Wise Guys vs. Zombies
  104. The Eternal: Kiss of the Mummy
  105. Python
  106. Shaun of the Dead
  107. Zombie Night
  108. Undead
  109. The Road to Wellville
  110. Apocalypse Now Redux
  111. Superbad
  112. Aliens
  113. Blades of Glory
  114. The Delta Force
  115. Knocked Up
  116. Miami Vice
  117. The Number 23
  118. The Host
  119. Dracula 3000
  120. Steel Frontier
  121. The Thirst
  122. Perfume: The Story of a Murderer
  123. Metal: A Headbanger's Journey
  124. Cleopatra Jones
  125. The Haunting
  126. The Black Hole
  127. 28 Weeks Later
  128. Orgazmo
  129. Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic
  130. Blood and Chocolate
  131. Commando
  132. An Evening with Kevin Smith
  133. The Little Shop of Horrors
  134. Boiling Point
  135. Saw
  136. Hellbound
  137. Robo Vampire
  138. Beowulf
  139. 1408
  140. Halloween: Resurrection
  141. Team America: World Police
  142. Full Metal Jacket
  143. Balls of Fury
  144. Fargo
  145. The Punisher
  146. The Fifth Element
  147. Predator
  148. Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
  149. Unforgiven
  150. Sweeney Todd
  151. Pirates
  152. The Exorcist
  153. Crash
  154. 30 Days of Night
  155. Dante's Peak
  156. The Day After Tomorrow
  157. Category 6: Day of Destruction
shanmonster: (Don't just sing it--bring it!)
Oh dear. Where do I begin?

First of all, I'm glad I didn't pay money for Shake It Up!: Exotic Bellydance Performances. I saw it at the dance studio where I teach, and since I had some time to kill, I put it in the DVD player.

I suppose I should have guessed from the "Exotic" in the title that this video would pander to all the stereotypes. The video is an Orientalist's wet dream. Let's see what stereotypes are to be found:

Reclining pasha? Check.
Veiled mysterious women leaning up on said pasha? Check.
Hookah pipes and Turkish rugs and King Tut busts? Check, check, and check.
Dancers using those hokey walk-like-an-Egyptian arms? Check.
Dancers making porn faces at the camera while they dance seductively? Check.
Belly dancers as strippers? Nope.

So they missed one. Maybe their next DVD will cover that one.

Some of the performances had me staring with my jaw agape. Although Meleah's floorwork routine starts out interesting enough (if I ignored the faux sultan and seraglio in the background), it soon becomes bizarre, when she gallivants around the room in stirrup pants with some sort of vagina-enhancing metal jewellery. Yikes!

Kaya's performance to "Al Heyla" borders on pornographic with her over-the-top pouting, moues, and silent gasps of pleasure. If she spends half the effort on her isolations as she does her facial gyrations, I bet she'll be a fantastic dancer.

That being said, not everything is bad. Adam Basma's dance company, although not the best I've ever seen, look like they're having a great time, and the feeling is contagious. I'll betcha they're terrific to watch live.

Sohaila's khaleegy dance is cute, and I really love the serenity of her facial expressions. She never looks like she's faking her smiles, and she shows just how good a dance can look in a body-obscuring thobe.

I also really enjoy Sadie's dance. She dances with effortless grace, and although her backbends are extreme, they don't leave me cringing in sympathetic pain. They look very natural for her. She really looks like she knows what she's doing, and she gives us the standout performance on the DVD. I want to find more performances by her, now.
shanmonster: (Default)
Excerpted from pp. 222-223 of The Poisoned Embrace:

From the Free Love bureaux of the Town of Vladimir circa 1920:
From the age of eighteen every young girl is declared state property.

Every young girl who has reached the age of eighteen and who is not married is obliged, under pain of prosecution and severe punishment, to be registered at a bureau of free love.

Men likewise have the right to choose a young girl who has reached the age of eighteen if they are in possession of a certificate confirming that they belong to the proletariat... In the interests of the state men have the right to choose women registered at the bureau even without the assent of the latter. The children who are the fruit of this type of cohabitation become the property of the Revolution.

And this report talks more about free love and the Revolution.

And now for something completely different:

Slim Jeans: I have amused recollections of this commercial. I remember thinking the jeans made people look like astronauts. I think the Sears catalogue sold a variation on the theme.

Average Homeboy Demo: Quite possibly one of the worse demo videos ever made. Hoorah for bathos!

Sex Life of Robots: Probably NSFW. I want to see the whole thing (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] warren_ellis).

The Aphex Face: Backmasking isn't the only thing you should be paranoid of when listening to music. Your tunes may contain subliminal images!

Joseph Sherer, Telephone Doctor: Imagine the scenario. You're sitting at home when a stranger calls on the telephone. He says he's your Mom's doctor, and your Mom has a hereditary bacterial disease, so you should either cut your nipple off with a razor or take off your panties and put something flammable on your pubes. Do you acquiesce? A few women did. What the hell were they thinking?

Goatse debit card: A bit NSFW, in a pumpkiny kind of way.

Giles Revell - Photographer: Nice....

Faking it as a priest in Japan: "With a rise in the popularity of Christian-style weddings in Japan, some Westerners are finding they can make a lucrative living by acting as priests."

Falling Off the Sidewalk: Photograph of an incident on (off?) the moving wooden sidewalk at the 1900 World Fair in Paris.

Dead Jockey Rides to Victory (May 8, 1936): "Ralph Neves' life was cut tragically short at Bay Meadows Racecourse, near San Francisco, California. The 19-year-old jockey was coming into the final stretch of the third race of the day when his horse, Fannikins, tripped. She and her rider crashed through the wooden fence. Fannikins was unharmed, but Neves, who had not only broken his own mount's fall, but had also been trampled by four other horses, was dead. The track physician, assisted by two doctors who had come down from the stands when they saw Neves fall, loaded the body into an ambulance, and the race announcer called for a moment of silence. But the shocked, grieving spectators had underestimated Neves."

[livejournal.com profile] f00dave, [livejournal.com profile] snowy_kathryn, and I just walked back home from seeing Napoleon Dynamite at Safiya and Brock's. On the way back, I flung myself into a mountain of orange-gold leaves and writhed around on my back, flailing my arms and legs in autumnal glee. I was glowered at by a dour woman framed in her kitchen window.

After I finished goofing around, we continued our way home. We passed by a car stopped at an intersection. Two hectoring guys shouted heroic invective from their rolled-down window. "Hey! This is Ontario!" said one.

Then, spying us, one screamed, "Hey! He has two girls!" Pause. "LICK MY BALLS!"

I'm fairly sure I was experiencing a deleted scene from Napoleon Dynamite.
shanmonster: (Spasmolytic)
My cold was briefly better, but seems to have taken a turn for the worse today, with my head even more stuffed up, and waves of nausea overtaking me at random moments. [livejournal.com profile] snowy_kathryn has already succumbed to her own nausea tsunamis several times this morning. Eugh.

So I called in to work to say I'm sick, only to find out that since two other people have called in sick already, I still have to come in.

I don't know about you, but I'd really rather not buy food from someone pale, shakey, coughing, sneezing, and leaking body fluids from their face. Grossmeout. I tried calling in replacements, but doubt anyone can come in. All of the possible replacements are students, and a 3-11 shift really doesn't work well for students during the school week. So I'm doomed.

I'm trying to picture how sick I'd have to be before they actually sent me home from work. Maybe if I had ebola and was actually squirting blood out of my eyes and ears, they'd let me go home. But probably not. Coffee is important business.

An enormous thunderstorm began early this morning, and is still in progress. Around 6 am, I got up to shut all the windows, because the rain was blowing horizontally. I hope it stops raining by the time I go to work. Going to work while sick is bad enough. Biking to work in a thunderstorm while sick is far worse.

Blargh.

In other news, I continue to progress in my Egyptian dance classes. I still need some serious work with my posture (my upper back only feels straight when it has a slight backward tilt, so when I correct it, I feel like I'm folding over forward), but I think the hip whips are starting to click for me. And I also found out that the brothers of one of the other dancers are krumpers. Whoa....

Last night, [livejournal.com profile] real_bethy had us watch The Gates of Hell, aka City of the Living Dead. It's an Italian horror flick made by Lucio Fulci. Fulci may be best known for his movie Zombie! in which an eyeball is pierced in slow-motion by a sliver of wood, and in which a zombie battles a great white shark (with predictable results). Personally, I find Fulci's movies confusing, boring (aside from a few key scenes), and just plain bad. The cut scenes are abrupt and often make no sense. The "good" scenes in The Gates of Hell include a drill press to Bob's head, and a teenager puking up all her internal organs. The movie is set in New England, which makes the recurring howler monkey sound effects entertaining. And when the dead all awaken, the sound effect is of crinkling cellophane layered over howler monkeys, which makes a lot of sense when you think about it.

Or not.

So Sleepy

Aug. 31st, 2006 09:01 pm
shanmonster: (Is that CLEAVAGE???)
Decontextualized quotations of the evening:

"Don't stowel nap my pussy."

"I'm going to whip that cat into shape. She'll be the Linda Hamilton of pussies."

I just finished watching Date Movie and The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement. Both sucked.

[livejournal.com profile] f00dave is supposed to arrive sometime this evening, but I don't think he'll get here until the morning. Here's hoping he's having a straightforward, uneventful drive....

And the links:

Muslim Athletic Wear Covers Skin Without Cramping Style: I think it looks like a Mobius design. All it needs is a big, curling hat.

Best Thing: What is the best thing?

Blurb: Free book publishing software (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] angramainyu).
shanmonster: (Spasmolytic)
[livejournal.com profile] snowy_kathryn did the video for both.

Exeunt Fang: Fang attacks the mail.

Sideways Bikini: I swear I didn't know she was making a video. From the crazy angle, I don't know that she did, either.

And now for some photos.

Here's what we looked like for the pirate event! )
shanmonster: (Elbow smash dance move!)
I am terribly disappointed with Pirates of the Caribbean. After its King Kong intro, it was naught but an extended seafood-flavoured boat chase. It bears more than a slight resemblance to King Solomon's Mines, and that was a real clunker, too. I caught myself--more than once--wondering how much longer the movie was going to be, and that's never a good sign. I wanted them all to die so I could go home.

The Creole chickie, however, is fabulous.

Now I'm getting ready to go to Toronto for the Dark Side show. I'm looking forward to seeing [livejournal.com profile] oceanfiretribal. I haven't seen her in far too long. Here's hoping I can find somewhere to crash, because there's a chance the show won't get out until after the last bus leaves. Crikey.

Toronto people? Anyone?
shanmonster: (Spasmolytic)
I went back and did a second t'ai chi chu'an class tonight, and afterwards, met with [livejournal.com profile] lindalicious and [livejournal.com profile] gha5t. Together with [livejournal.com profile] f00dave and [livejournal.com profile] superbrad, we went back to my place so I could get changed for The Omen.

Somehow, I made it through two martial arts classes without getting hurt (and we did do hitting/kicking/etc.), but I was not able to make it from one side of the driveway to the other without injury.

I decided to skip along, and somehow, my foot slipped and 138 pounds of ShanMonster came crashing down on my right ankle. I heard three or four popcorn sounds, and the next thing I know, I'm hopping on my left foot, hollering and hooting, and grabbing for something--anything--to grab onto so I can understand what the fuck has just happened to my erstwhile healthy ankle.

For a moment, I was sure I'd broken it. But after a few moments, I tested my weight on it, and it was ok. More moments passed, and I could twist and rotate my foot. Phew! Not broken.

The rest of the night was spent limping, and sitting at the theatre was hard, because either my foot was on the floor with the weight of the leg above it bearing down, or my leg was crossed over the other one, with all the weight of my size ten tootsie hauling down across my ankle. At least it's not swollen. That's a good sign.

Oh, and the movie? Ok, but not great. It had the requisite cheap scares liberally sprinkled throughout.

Admittedly, the cemetary scene made me do the funky chicken in my seat. That's pretty inexcusable, since I'm familiar with the original and was well aware of the remakes penchant for gratuitous scare shots. If you've seen the original, there's no real need of seeing this one. It was pretty much a by the numbers remake.

Also, having Rosemary's baby's mother play the satanic nanny is just plain apt.

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