![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
For some seriously fucked up and unkennable reason, one of the first things I did today was go to Google Maps and type in Nicosia. Do it and see what happens. Then get a satellite view and see what happens. Ougadougou isn't much better. And the entire nations of Haiti and Dominican Republic are AWOL. What the hell?
...
And now it's time for a movie review.
![[American Cyborg]](https://p.dreamwidth.org/703acd2afb10/2919457-572344/ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/51H0D6RN6BL._AA240_.jpg "[American Cyborg]")
American Cyborg: Steel Warrior was produced by the same man who did Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (the holy grail of bad movies) and the new Rambo movie. Based on this track record, you might think you're in for an entertaining B-movie ride, but you'd be mistaken. American Cyborg has little to redeem it, even for a hardened bad movie watcher like myself.
The plot is highly derivative of Terminator, Blade Runner, and maybe even Leave the Bronx (I mean Escape 2000). Here's the premise. The computers have taken over the post-apocalyptic world, but instead of killing off all the humans, have somehow sterilized them and are letting them die off. An underground science team finds the only woman in the world with ova, and succeed in making a test tube pregnant with her baby.
The baby's test tube is too small, so the baby must be escorted to the port where it will be transferred into an artificial womb and taken to Europe where it will be used to create a new race of fertile humans. However, a mustachioed Rutger Hauer wannabe is an evil cyborg, and kills everyone in the team except Mom and her baby in a bottle.
There's a whole lot of running through bombed-out Tel Aviv (which is supposed to be somewhere in America), and finally our yummy mummy meets up with a Fabio/Mad Max-looking dude. Before you can say romantic interest, he's saving her butt and his dark secret comes out.
Will the baby make it to Europe? Will the hero's secret be yet another derivative cliche? Will they escape the radioactive, cannibalistic, art historians? Watch this turkey if you feel like it, but be fortified by licit or illicit substances to help your courage along.
The only thing which "saves" this movie are the scenes of the fetus in a giant test tube (ideal for drinking game purposes) and the heroine's cleavage and constantly morphing sunglasses. There are better bad movies to see.
...
And now it's time for a movie review.
American Cyborg: Steel Warrior was produced by the same man who did Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (the holy grail of bad movies) and the new Rambo movie. Based on this track record, you might think you're in for an entertaining B-movie ride, but you'd be mistaken. American Cyborg has little to redeem it, even for a hardened bad movie watcher like myself. The plot is highly derivative of Terminator, Blade Runner, and maybe even Leave the Bronx (I mean Escape 2000). Here's the premise. The computers have taken over the post-apocalyptic world, but instead of killing off all the humans, have somehow sterilized them and are letting them die off. An underground science team finds the only woman in the world with ova, and succeed in making a test tube pregnant with her baby.
The baby's test tube is too small, so the baby must be escorted to the port where it will be transferred into an artificial womb and taken to Europe where it will be used to create a new race of fertile humans. However, a mustachioed Rutger Hauer wannabe is an evil cyborg, and kills everyone in the team except Mom and her baby in a bottle.
There's a whole lot of running through bombed-out Tel Aviv (which is supposed to be somewhere in America), and finally our yummy mummy meets up with a Fabio/Mad Max-looking dude. Before you can say romantic interest, he's saving her butt and his dark secret comes out.
Will the baby make it to Europe? Will the hero's secret be yet another derivative cliche? Will they escape the radioactive, cannibalistic, art historians? Watch this turkey if you feel like it, but be fortified by licit or illicit substances to help your courage along.
The only thing which "saves" this movie are the scenes of the fetus in a giant test tube (ideal for drinking game purposes) and the heroine's cleavage and constantly morphing sunglasses. There are better bad movies to see.
