Caffeine Jitters

[shanmonster]

Too much caffeine. My interior is vibrating like mad. Ack!

I want to share a few print oddities with you. First up is a spam I received. Mary Atoo writes,

hi
Greetings to you in the name of our Lord Jesus christ.Please i really need a bible.this is my main purpose of contacting.hope my humble request will be granted.thank you and God Bless you.this is my address.
MARY OTOO
NAZARETH ASSEMBLY
P.O.BOX1931,
MAMPROBI-ACCRA
GHANA

If this is a 419 scam, I don't get it. Weird.

Next up is an excerpt from an "erotic" tale called Shards down south? I'm down south in Kagome!:

Drawing one hadn out of her shirt, trailing his claws softly over her skin, Inuyasha tore each side of her cloth barrier before he plunged his head inside her craving pussy. He slowly inched into her until he felt her hymen, "This is gonna hurt," Inuyasha cautioned her before bucking into her womb and breaking her woman barrier.

Wow. Such a short excerpt, and so much that is wrong....

And finally, an excerpt from a 1936 booklet called "The Art of Kissing" written by Hugh Morris wherein we learn that short men and tall women are terrible kissers:

It is, therefore, necessary that the man be taller than the woman. The psychological reason for this is that he must always give the impression of being his woman's superior, both mentally and especially physically. The physical reason, with which we are more concerned, is that if he is taller than his woman, he is better able to kiss her. He must be able to sweep her into his strong arms, and tower over her, and look down into her eyes, and cup her chin in his fingers and then, bend over her face and plant his eager, virile lips on her moist, slightly parted, inviting ones. All of this he must do with the vigor of an assertive male. And all of these are impossible when the woman is the taller of the two. For when the situation is reversed, the kiss becomes only a ludicrous banality. The physical mastery is gone but the fact that two lips are touching two other lips. Nothing can be more disappointing.

Comments

[cryduchat.livejournal.com]

Maybe Mary Otoo is reselling her free bibles??? She's selling them to hotels to stock the night stands. Ghana's tourist trade is supposed to be booming ...

Hrm. I appear to be in the wrong biz.

[jm-kaye.livejournal.com]

Personally, I think assertive short guys are really hot.

[elanya.livejournal.com]

I think the main problem with the second excerpt is that someone thought it would be okay to try and write Inuyasha porn :V

[real-bethy.livejournal.com]

Me too! I was thinking, "Damn, where do I get one of those?!"

[miami-pony.livejournal.com]

"Oh thank you for being so kind and generous and taking the time to send me a bible. Since you are the kind of schmuck that would do -that- perhaps you are also enough of a schmuck to send me money that is much needed for etc..."

Definitely 419, and a self-weeding 419 at that.

[real-bethy.livejournal.com]

He plunged his head into her pussy and her hymen was still intact?! Shit. That's one mofo of a "woman barrier".

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

The physical mastery is gone but the fact that two lips are touching two other lips. Nothing can be more disappointing.

Oh, I think old Luce Irigaray and her ilk have a few words to say about THAT.

That said, ooh, mastery. *swoons*

I wonder if the Bible scam would go thus: you send the person a bible. They are all "oh I am so grateful yadda yadda. Now I need to buy many bibles for the children of our poor village. Can you get them for me and use this GIANT BOUNCY CHEQUE to pay for them?"

D/s pr0n? In 1936? Who knew?

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

We learn something new every day. Sounds like Hugh Morris had a big influence on John Norman.

Re: D/s pr0n? In 1936? Who knew?

[f00dave.livejournal.com]

That's just the nature of the times, dude. :-)

But yeah.

[alagbon.livejournal.com]

That's a classic 419, and from what I hear one of the more successful ones; it typically escalates to demanding contributions for building a new church. You could probably have some fun with that person, a la 419 Eater.