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So last night I attend the girliest of girl events: a Mary Kay party. The Mary Kay lady, Kathy, was very friendly, and didn't even blink when she saw me dressed all in shiny black PVC and sporting teal horns. When I told her I was a Mary Kay virgin, she said, "Well, I'll break you in good tonight."
And that she did! She started us off with some extremely thick hand lotion (about the consistency of a cool stick of butter), followed by some gritty exfoliator and a cleansing lotion. After grinding this into my hands for a while, I rinsed them off, and rubbed in a softer hand cream. This left my hands feeling like girly-girl's hands, removing my metal working, kayaking, and kung fu calluses.
Next, we did something similar to our lips. We were given a white masque to apply, and this dried on and felt rather disturbing. Next, we rinsed it off and rubbed in an exfoliant. I must have been a bit too rambunctious in my application, because my lips were left feeling like I'd been fellating a habanero pepper. We followed this up with a lip balm. Personally, I didn't feel much of a difference before and after (aside from the stinging).
Our faces were next, and one of the lotions given to us had the disturbing consistency of ectoplasm or coagulated semen. Blech. I wanted to make bukkake jokes, but held back in case Kathy wouldn't appreciate the joke. She said something odd, at one point: "the pores on the skin are the largest on your body." The enormous skin pits on the backs of my hands and forearms beg to differ!
She also told us that the reason we should wear foundation is to block these enormous pores so that toxins from the polluted air can't enter our bodies.
Hrm. Whenever I block my pores, I end up with a bouquet of blackheads and whiteheads. At least then my face isn't filled with smog, I guess.
So, pore-blocking foundation went on, creating absolutely no difference in my appearance, whatsoever. Then went on the eye makeup in shades of camo green. The colour combination was called Jungle, but was so subtle as to remain almost invisible. The mascara went on wonderfully, though, and made the only discernable visual alteration.
My verdict is the handcare system is great, and the mascara is nice, but the rest of it was pretty pointless.
At the end of it all, I watched an episode of CSI for the first time. It was the season premier, and I thought it was fairly interesting, if overly-glamourized. The triangulating computer software made me guffaw. It's software of the future--today!
At the end, Gary Sinise has a soliloquy about his wife who died on 9/11. He gives a moving speech about how he although he got rid of everything that reminded him of her, he couldn't throw out a beach ball because it was filled with her breath.
I must admit, my heart almost went pit-a-pat. But after a few beats of silence, I destroyed the mood with my paraphrase: "I just couldn't bear to flush the toilet...."
And that she did! She started us off with some extremely thick hand lotion (about the consistency of a cool stick of butter), followed by some gritty exfoliator and a cleansing lotion. After grinding this into my hands for a while, I rinsed them off, and rubbed in a softer hand cream. This left my hands feeling like girly-girl's hands, removing my metal working, kayaking, and kung fu calluses.
Next, we did something similar to our lips. We were given a white masque to apply, and this dried on and felt rather disturbing. Next, we rinsed it off and rubbed in an exfoliant. I must have been a bit too rambunctious in my application, because my lips were left feeling like I'd been fellating a habanero pepper. We followed this up with a lip balm. Personally, I didn't feel much of a difference before and after (aside from the stinging).
Our faces were next, and one of the lotions given to us had the disturbing consistency of ectoplasm or coagulated semen. Blech. I wanted to make bukkake jokes, but held back in case Kathy wouldn't appreciate the joke. She said something odd, at one point: "the pores on the skin are the largest on your body." The enormous skin pits on the backs of my hands and forearms beg to differ!
She also told us that the reason we should wear foundation is to block these enormous pores so that toxins from the polluted air can't enter our bodies.
Hrm. Whenever I block my pores, I end up with a bouquet of blackheads and whiteheads. At least then my face isn't filled with smog, I guess.
So, pore-blocking foundation went on, creating absolutely no difference in my appearance, whatsoever. Then went on the eye makeup in shades of camo green. The colour combination was called Jungle, but was so subtle as to remain almost invisible. The mascara went on wonderfully, though, and made the only discernable visual alteration.
My verdict is the handcare system is great, and the mascara is nice, but the rest of it was pretty pointless.
At the end of it all, I watched an episode of CSI for the first time. It was the season premier, and I thought it was fairly interesting, if overly-glamourized. The triangulating computer software made me guffaw. It's software of the future--today!
At the end, Gary Sinise has a soliloquy about his wife who died on 9/11. He gives a moving speech about how he although he got rid of everything that reminded him of her, he couldn't throw out a beach ball because it was filled with her breath.
I must admit, my heart almost went pit-a-pat. But after a few beats of silence, I destroyed the mood with my paraphrase: "I just couldn't bear to flush the toilet...."
