Distress

Yesterday, some sort of special celebration was going on in the tourist district. The play soldiers--all the guys in red coats and all the pipers in kilts and big furry hats--were out in force. A troupe marched in perfect formation. They must have even been breathing in sync. These guys had obviously been drilling for a long time to get everything so tight.

Part of the big hoo-ha was having the troupe standing at attention presenting arms while two soldiers did their stuff with flags on temporary flagstaves. These two marched up to the first staff where the flag was already attached to the rope in some sort of cylindrical roll. While the piper played, the flag was hoisted aloft and unfurled. I wasn't paying too close attention at this point, but noted the flag had a few provincial coats of arms on it. Then the two soldiers marched smartly over to the other staff and hoisted the other flag.

This time, my attention was definitely caught. It was the Canadian flag, and it was flapping gaily in the breeze downsideup. I couldn't help myself. I burst into laughter. I looked more closely at the coats of arms flag, and lo and behold, it too was upsidedown. I felt badly for the poor guys who'd obviously trained so hard only to turn their Kodak moment into farce. But it was quite a silly sight!

And now for something completely different.

Doctors grow new jaw in man's back: This story reminds me a little bit of the mouse with the human ear on its back. The next story I'd like to see is a man growing tails on his arm for for war-amp rodents. I'm sure if I look hard enough, I'd be able to find Japanese illustrations of such a thing, only they'd be fetishized.

Razor Blade Soap: Wow (thanks, freakwoman)!

Berlin bear's break-out bid fails: They really could have continued with the alliterative title by replacing "fails" with "botches." Ah well. This story appears to be one bear's training attempt for the triathlon.

A big-nosed red furry shark surfaces: "A new species of 'furry' shark, which hops like a frog rather than swims, has popped up in a German aquarium." Site may require free registration. Just use a fake email address, if you're paranoid. Still, there are no pictures, and that's what I really want to see!

Runaway Hippos Frighten Fishermen to Death: The second paragraph is frickin' hilarious!

Women's Sexual Character Determined by Shape of their Pubic Hair: Very, very silly.

River of Beer Discovered in Germany: I love the Weekly World News (thanks, f00dave.

Bob the Atog: Will only amuse those who play(ed) Magic the Gathering.

Fleet Enema Eneman Beanie: Yes, it's an enema Beanie Baby.

Turkish Man Squirts Milk From Eye 9.2 Feet: Everyone needs to be good at something.

An Invention for Easy Semen Collection from Dromedary Camels, El-Hassanein Camel Dummy: Camel sex just isn't very sexy (thanks, fiachra).

Eeeeeee!!!!

KMFDM are playing in Moncton next month! I simply must find a way to see them! Curse my impoverished state. Curse it!

What a Knob

A German man came into my shop today and found a copy of my dance costuming book. He flipped through it and said, "Ah, that is very interesting. But of course, belly dancers don't wear costumes."

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"I said, belly dancers don't wear costumes."

"Well, if they're not wearing anything, I suspect what you're watching isn't belly dance."

"Of course it is."

I pressed on. "Strippers might dance naked, but not belly dancers."

"Oh, of course they wear clothing, but they only wear their head scarf pulled down around their hips."

"I'm talking about performance level dancers," I said.

"So am I," he answered. "Like in restaurants and hotels, and on river boats in Egypt and Turkey."

This boggled me. "Professional dancers wear expensive costumes. These cost about $500 US or so apiece."

"Anyway, there are no belly dancers outside of Egypt and Turkey."

"That's like saying there are no hockey players outside Canada, or actors outside Hollywood."

"Well, none that I would consider belly dancers."

"There are plenty of internationally-acclaimed Middle Eastern dancers in North America. One--Morocco-- will be coming to Moncton next month, if you care to see for yourself."

He changed the subject again, and before leaving, said something about how people throw little bones at dancers in Egypt and Turkey. I think this guy is totally on smack, but I still can't help but wonder what he was talking about. I'm picturing costumeless dancers being pelted with little animal bones while shimmying on a river boat. Any idea what the heck he was talking about?