False Modesty

[shanmonster]

In what order do you strip?

When I'm at home, I shuck my clothing in any which way. I really don't care. Clothes just go flying off me, and if I'm feeling like a seneschal for f00's sake, I might even make sure my soiled laundry makes its way into the hamper. However, if I'm taking my clothes off for a modelling session, I'm much more particular.

I've said it before: I feel more naked half-clothed than when I'm completely nude. If I'm sitting there with a shirt on, but no pants, or even vice versa, I feel thoroughly exposed. So when I'm shucking my raiment in the name of art, there are a few awkward moments where I think, "Don't look at me! I'm naked!" My school-aged nightmares of showing up naked to class are realized. I am naked, and I am in a classroom.

I used to get in and out of my clothing in a seperate room. I'd show up to the art class in my street clothes, disappear into a nearby alcove, and reappear starkers. In some fucked-up logic, it seemed to me that I wouldn't appear to be the same person, and that dressing and undressing was the shame-inducing part of modelling.

But when I modelled for a cartoonist and he needed me to take off a dress for part of his animation, I could no longer deny the ridiculousness of this delusion. That very same day, I stopped dressing and undressing in a seperate room.

I'm still waiting for the day when being half-bared doesn't feel more bare-assed than being stark, raving, naked.