Vicarious

[shanmonster]

Jonathan Carroll recently wrote the following:

Life scars us. It is inevitable.We learn to live with those scars, or they kill us long before we actually die. Small scars, large, scars as long and deep as the ocean—they define us; they become a part of our life map. A friend of mine recently lost a child and asked what she should do now that it was gone. I said it seems to me that the best thing to do now is to live for both of you. Show your lost child what life is all about and carry them on your soul like someone giving a child a piggyback ride. Show her everything you can that *you* love about life and maybe even more, if that’s possible. They still live inside you, so let them see life through your eyes. The more involved in life you are, the more they will see. The more you retreat from life, you will be depriving them of a beautiful view. Maybe that means some big things must be changed in your life. Things that scare you, things you don’t WANT to change. But you must if you are to move forward and allow your spirit child to enjoy the wonders of your life. now lived for two.

This immediately got my mind working in a similar, but off-kilter direction.

I have never lost a child. But I have fictional personalities and characters alive within me. I don't mean in a Sibyl or Tyler Durden sort of way, but created through my writing and role-playing. So perhaps I live my life bigger to share it with these alter-egos. In effect, am I living vicariously through myself?