The Anxious Writer

[shanmonster]

My essay "The Anxious Writer" has been published by Open Minds Quarterly. Here's the opening paragraph:

I suffer from anxiety. I didn’t know I was an anxious person until I was well into adulthood. It’s my default state. For years, whirling thoughts have been my power generator, but this seems different from most other folks. I’ve always been viewed with suspicion, longsuffering, and irritation by a lot of other people. I’m hyper. I’m outspoken. I’m blunt. I’m loud. I take things too literally. I ask too many questions. I’m kinda...much. And even as a little kid I knew it. I knew I was weird, talked too much, and that the words and noises pouring out of my mouth in a cascade were drowning whatever empathy others might feel for me. I saw faces harden, eyes roll, smiles shrivel into white-lipped aggravation, yet still my words fountained out of me in an attempt to appease, amuse, or elicit something other than hatred or disinterest.

In other news, I am currently taking a horror-writing class and am enjoying it. Once a week for the next month and a bit, I get to learn from a variety of horror authors, and then I get to workshop short stories and excerpts with other authors. I only started last week, and I'm loving it so far.

I recently completed a story called "The Infective" which will be published in the Asylum of Terror Volume 2 anthology next year. It's about pandemic anxiety and is creepy as hell. I began writing about a month ago while healthy, and was diagnosed with my first (and hopefully only) bout of COVID halfway through. I finished it while still sick. It seems apropos.

In another irony, I recently sold an essay called "Hiding in Plain Sight: Life With and Without Masks." It's about my struggles with avoiding getting sick in a world which pretends the pandemic is over. The day it was announced my story had been accepted was the day I tested positive for COVID.

My symptoms were fairly mild, but long-lasting. I was contagious for almost a month, and I spent all that time in solitary confinement, hiding in my room and writing. I am finally testing clear, and my symptoms are almost gone. I am hoping that the disease doesn't have any awful surprises for me further down the road. Several of my friends and family have experienced terrible health issues after contracting this deadly disease. I am very slowly reintroducing exercise. I do not want to increase my chances of developing long COVID. I am at elevated risk of it because of my various medical conditions.

Based on recommendations from other writers and editors, I have started paying closer attention to the masterful dialogue of Elmore Leonard. Based on that, I wrote a new story called "Ethel's Bones" which I'm very happy with. I've begun sending it around to different magazines and expect someone will want to snatch it up. I'm especially proud of its ending. Endings are the hardest part for me, so I get excited when I nail one.

I have entered several novel excerpt contests with my manuscript-in-progress The Everwhen. I'm getting much closer to finishing it. Only about 15,000 more words to go. If all goes well, I'll have my first draft completed before the end of the month. Many thanks to the Waterloo Arts Fund for their support.

I've also applied for the graduate program at The Writers Studio at Simon Fraser University. I was accepted into the program at the beginning of the year but turned it down because I'd won the Yosef Wosk fellowship with the Vancouver Manuscript Intensive. I have also applied for other fellowships, so hopefully at least one of these options will pan out for me.

I have so many things I am writing and want to write, and it is extremely helpful for me to have mentorships and classes. They help keep me motivated so I don't feel like I'm working in a vacuum.

Comments

[valkryor]

That horror writing class sounds like fun.

And for what it's worth, I like that you're kinda much. :)

[the_lucky_nun]

Congratulations on the new story publications! Condolences on the recent bout of Covid. I'm crawling back to the gym to see what I can do - Covid has permanently messed with my balance, though trying out a high-dose famotidine recommended to me seemed to clear up residual inflammation, a reappearance od dyslexia, and brain fog. I hope you continue to recover without further complications.