![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
While on my honeymoon in the Dominican Republic ten years ago, I made the mistake of trusting the resort spokesman and I drank the water. He claimed all the water had been treated and was safe for consumption, but it wasn't very safe for me or for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
f00dave. Both of us were stricken with severe cases of Montezuma's Revenge. We lost pretty much all control of our anuses, and I had great pity for the cleaning ladies. Obviously, we couldn't be the only shame-filled tourists to be shitting the beds every night. Cleaning all those nasty beds is the sort of thing which inspires horror stories and Farrelly Brothers movies.
![[Being Visited By Montezuma]](https://p2.dreamwidth.org/caa49871378f/2919457-125248/www.shanmonster.com/gallery/shan/shan042.jpg "[Being Visited By Montezuma]")
f00 and I took shi(f)ts on the toilet. One of us would sit uncomfortably on the bed reading and doing our best not to soil ourself while the other's rectum vomited. At one point, while I was reading my book, I heard f00 say in a very faint voice, "Shan?"
I got up and rushed over to the bathroom. f00's entire body was white, and his lips a distinct blue. While I stared at him desperately wondering what to do, he tipped over from his perch on the toilet, and his upper body collapsed into the adjacent bathtub. Then, before my horrified gaze, he exploded out both ends.
After the double evacuation, he sat back up, and his colour was back to normal.
Although I didn't experience any double-headers myself, the diarrhea and vomiting were dehibilitating. f00 and I went to the doctor at the resort, and after spending a prepostrous amount of money, ended up with a grocery bag filled with medications. The medicine did the trick, albeit too well, in my case.
Where I once couldn't cough without shitting myself, I could no longer shit at all.
My abdomen swelled up to Venus of Willendorf proportions, and I could only fit into my baggiest cotton shorts. Several times a day, I spent prolonged periods in the bathroom straining fruitlessly. I'm sure my anus must have looked like a blow-up doll's face, but nothing would came out.
Then, while at one of the many delicious resort banquets, I felt another urge to rush to the bathroom. "Wish me luck," I told f00, and ran to the crapper. Once there, I groaned and pushed like I was in labour, and then, at long last, something came out. I'm not sure what it was, but it looked like a wine cork made of meat and gristle. I stared at it in amazement, then went back to my lunch.
A few minutes later, I ran back to the bathroom for an encore performance. This time, I felt something the approximate size, shape, and weight of a bowling ball pass from betwixt my buttocks. The splashback was a veritable tsunami. Yet when I looked down into the bowl, there was nothing there.
To this day, I have no idea if I hallucinated the invisishit, or whether it was just so heavy it somehow smashed down through the plumbing without leaving a sign of its existence.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Note to self:
Date: 2004-05-19 07:49 pm (UTC)From:If/when wedding is on horizon, plan for honeymoon in some nice, safe, western European country.
FYI
Date: 2004-05-19 07:58 pm (UTC)From:Re: FYI
Date: 2004-05-19 08:10 pm (UTC)From:If/when wedding is on horizon, plan for honeymoon in some nice, safe, northern European country.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-19 08:25 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-05-19 09:09 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-05-19 09:11 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-05-19 09:41 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-05-19 10:33 pm (UTC)From:you're pretty great, too. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-05-20 08:22 am (UTC)From:today!
no subject
Date: 2004-05-20 11:12 am (UTC)From:Ow! My ribs!
Date: 2004-05-20 02:46 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-05-20 04:13 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-05-20 06:06 am (UTC)From:xLissa
no subject
Date: 2004-05-22 06:09 pm (UTC)From: