I Don't Want to Sleep in a Box

[shanmonster]

I'm attending a dance workshop this weekend with Lala Hakim in Saint John. I just called the YMCA hostel to book accomodations, and discovered they close a year ago. Oops. I tried calling the other hostel in town, and got to leave a message on an answering machine. Do you know of a super-cheap place two people can stay (snowy_kathryn and I) for two nights in Saint John? If I can't find a spot, I may have to commute every day of the weekend, and that will mean very, very little sleep, and very little sleep does evil, painful things to my brain.

I went down to the casemates this morning for a meeting about the store I'll be running. Next week, we clean, paint, and decorate the store. It's awfully grubby right now, but we shall dress it up and make it look pretty. I'm still having a serious difficulty with getting people to sell their crafts in the shop, though, and I still don't get that. I mean, it's a craft school. The students are all learning how to make crafts, presumably so they can make at least a bit of a living doing so. You'd think they'd be jumping for the chance to get their stuff out there, and for the chance to begin making names for themselves, but you'd be thinking wrongly.

Now, before I finish figuring out my inventory for the weekend's dance workshop, I'll share another bunch of links with you. Enjoy!

The Writing Group: This tale of a writers' get-together gone screwy reminds me of two of my writing teachers from UNB: Bill Gaston and Kent Thompson. Kent was doing a reading at the BBQ Barn, a steak and burgers restaurant. He asked Bill to assist him. While Kent read his short story about a relationship gone sour (I think!), Bill was to sporadically curse and read hardcore pornography over top of the narration. This sort of avant-garde material was probably not the best choice for the BBQ Barn with its staid, elderly customers.

Hard lessons from poetry class: Speech is free unless it's critical: American students must not write anything critical of the president. Period.

Bad Advice on Cover Letters: Yes, make up journals where you've been published, and make up a few awards you've won. Lying is always a good tactic, especially when a Google search is just a click away. After all, writers are supposed to make things up, right?

Sex and Psychological Operations: A fascinating article on pornographic wartime propaganda.

Eyelid Piercing: I was ok with the article until I got to the part where the guy fell and ripped his lid-ring out. Then I went "Eeeeeeeeee!" and hopped around in my chair (thanks, Warren Ellis).

Student drinks lab chemical on a dare: If medical attention weren't supplied, we might have had a new Darwin Award winner (thanks, balthcat).

Milkmen: Fathers Who Breastfeed: I think I may have linked to this quite a while ago, but I enjoyed reading it again (thanks, zombienought).

Don't use this story: I think this article inadvertently got stuck with this title because it's too nauseous to be read over the air. "A hospital allegedly mailed the remains of a miscarried fetus back to the family in a cardboard box." Classy.

Twenty years later, dead or alive, will Andy Kaufman return? He must still be alive. He has a blog. Nevertheless, Snopes says it's a hoax.

How to Use a Vagina: "This is the vagina of a 'modern woman.' Note the way the ovaries are flexing like a body builder, mocking you. Fortunately, as can plainly be seen, the canal is ribbed for your enjoyment." Also includes the reciprocal "How to Use a Penis," of course.

Spring Dangers, From The Cottage Hearth, April 1876: "The thickest flannel of mid-winter should be worn by all, without any change to a thinner material, until the middle of May." Hmm. There were some points a week or two ago when the temperature was hovering around thirty degrees Celsius. That's hardly flannel weather (I included this link because Neil Gaiman thought it may have circuitously come from me)!

And lastly, here are some very interesting eBay auctions (mostly courtesy of snowy_kathryn):

• Collection Rare POSTCARDS Surrealism with a small "s": A steal at just $49,750.00!
• old VOODOO witch doctor CHEST w/ DOLL santeria occult: This chest is filled with the most interesting things!
• ADULT BABY WET & MESS IN DIAPERS HYPNOSIS CD: "Your goal is to wet and mess your diapers just like a baby. You wet and mess your pants, bed or diapers automatically, naturally and without control when wearing diapers. You are a helpless bed wetter and messer when wearing diapers. This will only happen when you are wearing diapers."

Comments

[sorceror.livejournal.com]

Actually, the poetry story may be an urban legend (http://www.livejournal.com/users/ladycoyote/19895.html?#cutid1).

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

I sure hope so!

[o-lucky-man.livejournal.com]

Cool links as always. :D

I don't think that's Andy Kaufman--if Andy had faked his death he would have come back in a much more clever and original way, at least that's my opinion. That blog doesn't sound like him at all--it's not clever or weird or sweet or psycho like most of Andy's characters. Just bland. Pretty decent as far as hoaxes go, though.

And I came across that site with the bad cover letter advice a few months ago. I thought most of it sounded nutso--glad I didn't follow any of his advice!

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Maybe Andy was making a meta-hoax. Maybe he wanted someone to fake being him faking his own death twenty years later. Does that sound more like him?

[o-lucky-man.livejournal.com]

hmmm, maybe you're Andy Kaufman...

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Well, I did once seriously consider becoming a professional wrestler, so that's a possibility!

[o-lucky-man.livejournal.com]

That's interesting! What changed your mind?

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

I didn't change my mind. Not really.

What happened is that I was looking for a job to replace my horrific stint as a grocery store cashier. I saw a job listing in the paper requesting wrestlers. So I mailed out a résumé listing my physical qualifications.

I figured I could have a belly dancing gimmick.

On Christmas morning, I got a phone call from the organizer. I thought this was a spectacularly strange time to call, but whatever, right?

Anyhow, he was very eager to have me, but I'd have to take wrestling lessons.

Unfortunately, because he hadn't received a creation grant, that meant I'd have to shell out money to train, and I had no money at all.

I told him to keep me in mind for when he could afford to pay, and he said he would.

I didn't ever hear back from him, but I do know a guy who did (and maybe still does) wrestle with him on the Maritime circuit.