Kung Fu Makes My Arse Hurt

[shanmonster]

While in the metal studio yesterday, I decided to take a look in the cooler to see if I'd left any yoghourt in there. When I opened the lid, I was mashed in the nose with a pungent fug. At first, I thought something had gone bad and needed to be thrown out. Then I realized everything had gone bad. Apparently, someone had unplugged the cooler, and from the look and smell of things, it had been unplugged for quite some time. The walls were lined with blue-green mould.

Although I could see my yoghourt sitting in the cooler, I chose not to eat it.

Kung fu wore me out, again, but it didn't stop me from running part of the way home, and then walking the last block briskly with my sword balanced atop my head. I guess the couple hundred dragons didn't sap all my strength. The jumping, spinning crescent kicks starting and ending in horse stance just about completely knackered me, though. Holy tough! I need a lot more practice on those. I think I exhibit all the grace of a chicken attempting ballet.

Here's a recent picture of students and instructors from the kwoon. If you can't find me, you're not looking hard enough.

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<p>While in the metal studio yesterday, I decided to take a look in the cooler to see if I'd left any yoghourt in there. When I opened the lid, I was mashed in the nose with a pungent fug. At first, I thought something had gone bad and needed to be thrown out. Then I realized <i>everything</i> had gone bad. Apparently, someone had unplugged the cooler, and from the look and smell of things, it had been unplugged for quite some time. The walls were lined with blue-green mould.</p> <p>Although I could see my yoghourt sitting in the cooler, I chose not to eat it.</p> <p>Kung fu wore me out, again, but it didn't stop me from running part of the way home, and then walking the last block briskly with my sword balanced atop my head. I guess the couple hundred dragons didn't sap all my strength. The jumping, spinning crescent kicks starting and ending in horse stance just about completely knackered me, though. Holy tough! I need a lot more practice on those. I think I exhibit all the grace of a chicken attempting ballet.</p> <p>Here's a recent picture of students and instructors from the kwoon. <lj-cut text="If you can't find me, you're not looking hard enough.">If you can't find me, you're not looking hard enough.</p> <p align=center><img src="http://www.shanmonster.com/2004/kwoon.jpg" width=305 height=218 alt=[They made jokes about my stance]" title="[They made jokes about my stance]"></p> <p>Now I'm hungry and my toe hurts. The first I can remedy easily, but the second is taking a lot more effort. Starting yesterday, I've begun taking three glucosamine sulphate tablets each day. I tried taking them once before, but I was only taking one a day, and I stopped after about two months. This time, I'm going to try to stick with the three times a day thing for at least three months. Then we shall see if this stuff has done me any good.</p> <p><a href="http://www.newliving.com/issues/feb%5f2004/articles/maryjean.html">Mary Jean Traetta</a> swears by the stuff, and take a look at her! Wow. I'm inspired.</p> <p>Ack! I just spilled a bunch of candy-coated fennel seeds into my shorts and my belly button. I wonder if there's such a thing as candy-coated cumin? I think those would taste pretty good, too.</p> <p>And now for some linkage:</p> <a href="http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3682421252"><img src="http://www.shanmonster.com/2004/deerbutt.jpg" border=0 align=right width=235 height=365 alt="[This deer has bad breath]" title="[This deer has bad breath]"></a> <p>Taxidermists have odd senses of humour. Check out this auction for a <a href="http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3682421252">weird mounted whitetail deer rump</a>.</p> <p><a href="http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/040612/photos_od_afp/040612223046_6vsf86zu_photo0">Yet another photo of Rasputin's schlong</a>. Joy.</p> <p>And speaking of oversized willies, take a look at <a href="http://www.derschlangemann.com/">Der Schlangemann</a> (thanks, <user site="livejournal.com" user="firelie">).</p> <p><a href="http://www.zug.com/pranks/tattoo/">The Chinese Tattoo Prank</a>: A mean prank, but not entirely undeserved, IMO (thanks, Dmitrii).</p> <p><a href="http://www.helenavlahos.com/tips_detail.html?id=1">How To Flip Quarters & Dollar Bills On Your Belly</a>: It's an excellent party trick for anyone (and yes, I've done it in performance, before).</p> <p><a href="http://douglas.min.net/essay/">Peter Nguyen and Jeremy Lavine</a> have taken grade school composition to a new high.</p> <p><a href="http://www.vibratorsofdoom.com/">Vibrators of Doom</a>: I didn't look around here, yet. The opening photo is pretty darned creepy.</p> <p><a href="http://www.dogtoyormaritalaid.com/">Dog Toy or Marital Aid?</a>: Don't worry. Your dog is safe with me (thanks, <user site="livejournal.com" user="fiachra">).</p> <p><a href="http://www.thoushalt.net/sound.shtml">Thou Shalt Not</a> are a pretty swanky industrial band, but I think I'm particularly taken with their tongue-in-cheek cover of the Front 242 classic, <a href="http://www.thoushalt.net/ThouShaltNot_Headhunter.mp3">Headhunter</a>.</p> <p><a href="http://www.khaleejtimes.com/DisplayArticle.asp?xfile=data/todaysfeatures/2004/June/todaysfeatures_June28.xml&section=todaysfeatures">Beirut man puts a new spin on belly dance</a>: Because men dance "over there," too.</p> <p><a href="http://www.butoh.net/">Butoh</a>: I first heard of this avant-garde Japanese dance form a couple of years ago, but I've yet to see a performance. I'm really fascinated by it, and would love to study Butoh, but I sincerely doubt there's anyone in the Maritimes who does it. Can you prove me wrong? Please?</p> <p>And speaking about Japanese oddities, over at The Sneeze, <a href="http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000164.html">Steve eats natto</a>. I think he greatly regrets it.</p> <p>And now for a totally offensive comic which left me quite baffled for all of twenty seconds:</p> <p align=center><img src="http://www.shanmonster.com/2004/chickenholes.jpg" width=397 height=433 alt="[Holy chickens]" title="[Holy chickens]"></p></lj-cut>

Comments

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid I know no more about the essayists than do you. If you find anything out, please share, though!

Natto

[zydee.livejournal.com]

I lived in Japan a few months (yeah, teaching English, yay me) and this was served to me the last night I was there. I refused to eat it on the grounds that anything that stank that bad couldn't taste good. My kind hostess understood but said I had to at least say I'd seen it. It was in a styrofoam box. You ate it lukewarm with a fork. It really does look just that way, but NOTHING could prepare you for the sticky slimy coating or the rancid stench. Leave a pot of beans on the countertop for a week or two, covered. Remove the lid. That's what it smells like. You buy it for almost nothing at the grocery stores, in stacks of 3 styrofoam boxes held together with tape. Inside are rancid, bile-spewing beans covered in Alien spit. It's a clear, slippery goo that sticks to EVERYTHING, just like that crap in Ghostbusters.

My Evil Ex, bless him, tried to eat it, after telling her "you first" to verify that this was indeed something you ate and not, as I was thoroughly convinced, some ingenious new sort of plant fertilizer, but he got one bite in before he had to quit. My hostess, a lovely Japanese college student, told me this is a food you only love if you grew up with it; seems it's about like peanut butter to them. They grow up on it as kids, and learn to LIKE it. True--look in any grocery cart and you'd see the boxes there. Everybody eats it.

The punchline: They are absolutely grossed out by peanut butter.

While there, I looked for it. Couldn't find it. Finally asked and got a "You've got to be kidding" sort of reaction. I did see some tubs of stuff, like margarine tubs, with what I thought MIGHT be peanut butter, but given that it had chickens, cows, and pigs dancing around the edges, figured I'd better not take the chance (I couldn't read Japanese).

With the caveat that I did eat Japanese-style, not making the mistake many Westerners do of trying to eat as if they were still in Chicago or wherever (MAN that's expensive and really you don't want to try; their idea of the simplest Western foods were too ghastly to relate--I'd rather eat natto), I was still broker than a churchmouse while there, so Mom's care packages of peanut butter saved my life probably. I offered some to my friend, and she politely declined with "perhaps later."

Cas

[firelie.livejournal.com]

Actually, the little pile inside looked kinda like baked beans. It also smelled kinda like baked beans. If they were baked in the filthy heat of Satan's asshole.

rofl.