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I have wanted many things, but been denied. Each disappointment has worked itself away into dust under other endeavours, given enough time. Family members and close friends have died, and people I had loved treated me like an old snot-rag, but my life continues.
Since graduating from university, I've been wanting to return to school full-time. I apply for grants and scholarships, but aside from a few minor bursaries, I've had no luck. It's been nine years, and I still haven't had the money for that opportunity, but I have been taking part-time courses every year since. At this point, I realize I prefer part-time studies to full-time programmes, because it gives me more time to pursue my other interests.
I desperately wanted to get my Masters degree in either Fine Arts or Folkloric Studies. The Folkloric Studies programs were all far beyond my means. I tried to go to UBC to get my MFA in creative writing, and had saved up some cash and was scouting for apartments, but wasn't accepted. The girl who sat across from me in my graduate creative writing class was accepted, and she went on to be nominated for a Governor General's award in fiction. But my sour grapes have made a nice cooking wine, if nothing else. Although the calibre of her writing is higher than mine, I'll betcha far more people have read my website than shall ever read her book. And although I still write, I find I'm much more interested in memoirs and travel writing than I am fiction or poetry. My love of folklore continues, but is muted. My Fine Arts studies have continued sporadically, culminating in a few gallery shows while I lived in Moncton. I expect I'll do some more shows, eventually, with or without my Fine Arts degree.
For a year and a bit, I struggled at a horrific job, feeling my body and my mind go downhill in the meantime. I was hospitalized because of the job, had to wear a sling for a while, and was so exhausted and depressed that I had no energy left for any sort of exercise, let alone my beloved dance. Finally, I broke free of the job from Gehenna, and forced myself to get back into dance. I tried to study intermediate level dance with a local instructor, but she refused to allow me in her class, knowing that I would be teaching beginner classes soon, and would therefore be competition and "stealing" knowledge from her. I was absolutely crushed by this, but continued in my own studies through video tapes and travelling to workshops. After another year of this, my dance comprehension had surpassed its previous levels. For a while, I was teaching four classes a week, but interest has fallen off again, and it looks like I may need to find another job to pay for everyday living.
I really wanted to go to Turkey to study dance last summer, and that didn't happen. I did the next best thing and travelled to Maine to study with Turkish dancers. While there, I fell in love with a turquoise Pharoanics costume, and saved and saved my money, only to find out it cost a couple hundred dollars (US) more than I had anticipated. The money I saved ended up going toward such trivial things as food and rent. Food and shelter is nothing to sneeze at. Instead of getting the gorgeous turquoise costume, I've worked on making my own costumes. They're not as fancy, but I'm happy with them. I suppose a costume as nice and expensive as the turquoise one would be wasted on bellygrams, anyhow.
Things work out, given time and effort. I've been sewing like mad and buying costuming elements with high resale value in the hopes that dance vending can take the place of another crap job. In the meantime, once f00 finishes his degree, it's definitely my turn to go back to school.
Since graduating from university, I've been wanting to return to school full-time. I apply for grants and scholarships, but aside from a few minor bursaries, I've had no luck. It's been nine years, and I still haven't had the money for that opportunity, but I have been taking part-time courses every year since. At this point, I realize I prefer part-time studies to full-time programmes, because it gives me more time to pursue my other interests.
I desperately wanted to get my Masters degree in either Fine Arts or Folkloric Studies. The Folkloric Studies programs were all far beyond my means. I tried to go to UBC to get my MFA in creative writing, and had saved up some cash and was scouting for apartments, but wasn't accepted. The girl who sat across from me in my graduate creative writing class was accepted, and she went on to be nominated for a Governor General's award in fiction. But my sour grapes have made a nice cooking wine, if nothing else. Although the calibre of her writing is higher than mine, I'll betcha far more people have read my website than shall ever read her book. And although I still write, I find I'm much more interested in memoirs and travel writing than I am fiction or poetry. My love of folklore continues, but is muted. My Fine Arts studies have continued sporadically, culminating in a few gallery shows while I lived in Moncton. I expect I'll do some more shows, eventually, with or without my Fine Arts degree.
For a year and a bit, I struggled at a horrific job, feeling my body and my mind go downhill in the meantime. I was hospitalized because of the job, had to wear a sling for a while, and was so exhausted and depressed that I had no energy left for any sort of exercise, let alone my beloved dance. Finally, I broke free of the job from Gehenna, and forced myself to get back into dance. I tried to study intermediate level dance with a local instructor, but she refused to allow me in her class, knowing that I would be teaching beginner classes soon, and would therefore be competition and "stealing" knowledge from her. I was absolutely crushed by this, but continued in my own studies through video tapes and travelling to workshops. After another year of this, my dance comprehension had surpassed its previous levels. For a while, I was teaching four classes a week, but interest has fallen off again, and it looks like I may need to find another job to pay for everyday living.
I really wanted to go to Turkey to study dance last summer, and that didn't happen. I did the next best thing and travelled to Maine to study with Turkish dancers. While there, I fell in love with a turquoise Pharoanics costume, and saved and saved my money, only to find out it cost a couple hundred dollars (US) more than I had anticipated. The money I saved ended up going toward such trivial things as food and rent. Food and shelter is nothing to sneeze at. Instead of getting the gorgeous turquoise costume, I've worked on making my own costumes. They're not as fancy, but I'm happy with them. I suppose a costume as nice and expensive as the turquoise one would be wasted on bellygrams, anyhow.
Things work out, given time and effort. I've been sewing like mad and buying costuming elements with high resale value in the hopes that dance vending can take the place of another crap job. In the meantime, once f00 finishes his degree, it's definitely my turn to go back to school.
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:)
Date: 2003-05-12 07:02 pm (UTC)From:I'm just wondering how long you took classes before you went out on your own to teach?
Re: :)
Date: 2003-05-12 07:09 pm (UTC)From:Back in Moncton, I was shunted into a teaching position woefully early. My instructor, the only dance teacher for a few hundred miles, was retiring and began grooming me and one or two others to replace her less than a year after I started classes. Although I had come along very quickly as a student, I still don't think I was ready to teach. The classes I teach now are sure as hell better than the first ones I taught, although I'm still sure my students had fun.
Since moving to Fredericton, I tried get into the other teacher's intermediate class here just to get back into the swing of things. The funny thing is, this teacher was one of the students who was trained to instruct by my instructor back in Moncton. When we danced together, we got along very well. It's only since I've moved here that she's suddenly become very jealous. I think it's very sad. I just want to get together and dance with as many different people as I can, to learn, and to have fun. She just seems to see it as a business. I can understand that, though, even if I don't share her philosophy. Ah well.