I'm an Olympian

My kwoon's first annual "kung fu olympics" were today. Competition was fierce, and I didn't get a medal. My high-speed fook fu punches were abysmal, as was my high-speed sup bat sou. Both were downright embarassing. I'd rather do it slow and right than fast and sloppy, though, and that's not just sour grapes!

I also participated in a couple of strength competitions, and they were jokes, too. I did tiger claws while holding heavy weights. I'm not sure how heavy the weights were, but I was only able to bring my hands up three or four times before one of the weights slid from my grasp and thumped to the ground. The slipping hurt, because those things are hard even on fairly tough skin, and my hands are just too damned girly. I also did a bridge hand competition, where I held my arms out straight in front of me with a fifty-pound weight balanced across them, then pulled my hands in close to my chest before shooting them straight out in front of me again. I may be in pretty good shape, but I just don't have the physical strength to do this exercise. Holding my hands out straight in front of me with that big weight riding on them is not something I can do.

I did much better in the other events:

• Sliding front kick: Measurements are taken from starting position to the heel of front foot. I managed 13' 9.75". Actually, that was my second try, which didn't count for the competition. My first attempt was 11' 6". Had they gone with my second kick, I would have placed second. Alas, my first kick was the one which counted. A few months ago, I managed just over fifteen feet. I should have been able to match that today, but I had just gotten out of a car after a two-hour ride with no heat aimed at my feet. My poor toes were blocks of ice, and I didn't have much time to warm or limber up. So I guess I can't complain.
• Strongest roundhouse kick: Not bad. There was no real way to measure this. The goal was to knock over a bottom-weighted heavy bag as many times as possible in five tries. I sent it wobbling, but not nearly enough to make it overturn. I was complemented on my kicking by several black sashes. The only competitors who could knock it over were real powerhouses who weighed in excess of 200 pounds. The winner knocked it down 5/5 tries. Wow.
• Lunge: Participants stand with feet together behind a line, then lunge into an arrow stance. Measurements are taken from the heel of the front foot to the line. I managed just shy of eight feet. I can't remember the exact measurements.
• Dragons/minute: 69. This garnered me third place. Dragons are my favourite!
• Front kicks/minute (kicking with lead leg, bringing kick parallel to the ground): 83. I tied for second place with two other people, which meant I had to go into a tie-breaker: front kicks/30 seconds.
• Front kicks/30 seconds: 50. I was beaten by one measly kick, so I ended up with fourth place. Damn!
• High kick: 6' 6". This disappoints me, but I really haven't been training for high kicks in about a year. I think the winner got 8' 6", but I'm not sure about that.
• Longest horse stance: Wasn't timed. We did it simultaneously with cups balanced on our quads. I finished third or fourth. I don't remember which.

With training, I can beat all of my scores. At next year's event, I intend on doing just that.

Other events included high-speed fook fu, eagle claw (strength drill of catching cinder block between finger tips), and a power pushup (a single pushup held in place with chin touching the floor and chest resting on a styrofoam cup). The latter competition was cancelled because we were way overtime.

If you're looking for an excellent workout, I recommend the kicks/minute drill. My legs are still wobbly from it. The dragons were a piece of cake in comparison.

Placing in four events was awfully nice. I didn't expect to place in any.