Are My Testicle Ascending?

Today is my first testosterone-free day. I've been on testosterone supplements for quite some time as a result of hormonal fuckage due to my stint on birth control pills over a decade ago. Did you know that taking the Pill can relieve you of your libido? Well, it's true. And that's why I was put on Andriol.

I can't say I noticed a real difference, aside from the shrinking of my bank account. Steroids aren't cheap. I didn't grow giant muscles, facial hair, or a penis, and my voice didn't deepen. But I didn't wear pink. Now that I'm off the things, will I turn into some sort of ultra-femme? If I start getting weepy, craving chick flicks, and start comparison shopping for lipstick, then I'll know something creepy is afoot. I'm not a very girly girl. I've always been a serious tomboy.

My regular training has begun to pay off. Although my weight remains the same (around 145, give or take a couple pounds), my waistline is tightening up once again. To my great delight, my waistbands no longer make me muffin. And do you know what? I have biglegs. Like bigleg athletes have (think speed skaters, etc.). Now, if I can only get my arms and shoulders to match, I'll be all set. I guess I'll just have to up my weights again....

Maybe now I can pass the drug test and become an Olympic athlete. Ha!

In other news, I wanted to go to a contact improv workshop today, but my hip is sore and gronky for some unknown reason. I'd best let it rest. I'll have to catch the next class, instead. D'oh!

Lesbian Inuit Fairy Tale of Doom

Ok, I think this one is the most depressing of the bunch:

The Woman Who Married Her Son's Wife

Once there lived an old woman who desired her son's pretty young wife. This son was a hunter who often would be gone for many days at a time. Once, while he was gone, the old woman sat down and made herself a penis out of sealbone and skins. She fastened this penis to her waist and showed it to her daughter-in-law, who exclaimed: "How nice..." Then they slept together. Soon the old woman was going out to hunt in a big skin kayak, just like her son. And when she came back, she would take off her clothes and move her breasts up and down, saying: "Sleep with me, my dear little wife, sleep with me...."

It happened that the son returned from his hunting and saw his mother's seals lying in front of the house. "Whose seals are these?" he asked his wife.

"None of your business," she replied.

Being suspicious of her, he dug a hole behind their house and hid there. He figured that some hunter was claiming his wife in his absence. Soon, however, he saw his mother paddling home in her kayak with a big hooded seal. Mother and son never caught anything but big hooded seals. The old woman reached land and took off her clothes, then moved her breasts up and down, saying: "My sweet little wife, kindly delouse me...."

The son was not pleased by his mother's behaviour. He came out of hiding and struck the old woman so hard that he killed her. "Now," he said to his wife, "you must come away with me because our home place has a curse on it."

The wife began to quiver and shake all over. "You've killed my dear husband," she cried. And would not stop crying.

Music Matters

I have a craving to do some audio collage/cut-ups, and would like a bit of free, easy-to-figure-out software good for mixing/creating/sampling audio tracks. Any suggestions?

Oh yes, check out My Sexy Pony (NSFW). I love the stud pony. "I am a Parisian War Pony." Ha! Verily, he is the Fabio of pony boys. I wonder if Harlequin does a line of romances based on pony players?

If I had a sugar daddy, he'd buy me pole-dancing lessons.