Are My Testicle Ascending?

[shanmonster]

Today is my first testosterone-free day. I've been on testosterone supplements for quite some time as a result of hormonal fuckage due to my stint on birth control pills over a decade ago. Did you know that taking the Pill can relieve you of your libido? Well, it's true. And that's why I was put on Andriol.

I can't say I noticed a real difference, aside from the shrinking of my bank account. Steroids aren't cheap. I didn't grow giant muscles, facial hair, or a penis, and my voice didn't deepen. But I didn't wear pink. Now that I'm off the things, will I turn into some sort of ultra-femme? If I start getting weepy, craving chick flicks, and start comparison shopping for lipstick, then I'll know something creepy is afoot. I'm not a very girly girl. I've always been a serious tomboy.

My regular training has begun to pay off. Although my weight remains the same (around 145, give or take a couple pounds), my waistline is tightening up once again. To my great delight, my waistbands no longer make me muffin. And do you know what? I have biglegs. Like bigleg athletes have (think speed skaters, etc.). Now, if I can only get my arms and shoulders to match, I'll be all set. I guess I'll just have to up my weights again....

Maybe now I can pass the drug test and become an Olympic athlete. Ha!

In other news, I wanted to go to a contact improv workshop today, but my hip is sore and gronky for some unknown reason. I'd best let it rest. I'll have to catch the next class, instead. D'oh!

Comments

Now I know why you're so cool...

[zombienought.livejournal.com]

How did you apply the testosterone? Was it in gel
form, made from life-giving yams?

I only noticed that AndroGel made me very angry.
Coupled with the amitriptyline, though, I merely
sat in my chair and glared.

Re: Now I know why you're so cool...

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

I took Andriol, which are in capsule forms. It's low-dosage testosterone, and it has to be taken with food, or the body does not absorb it. Apparently, it is used by some weight-lifters for muscle gain, but is not a favourite because of the inconsistency of how much testosterone is absorbed. Also, lifters take much higher doses than I was on. Andriol is considered a very mild 'roid.

Amitriptyline turned me into a zombie for three days. I couldn't get out of bed, couldn't move, and couldn't think. I didn't change my underwear for the entire time I was on it. It got rid of every single bit of will.

I'll never take that shit again.

The only good thing it did for me was give me an understanding of the extent drugs can change a person.

Re: Now I know why you're so cool...

[zombienought.livejournal.com]

I know amitriptyline turned you into a zombie. I think
it's somewhat evident in the fact you've told me that
like three or four times. ;)

And yes, this entire experience of mine has, at the
very least, made me a bit more tolerant of people on
drugs or with debilitating illnesses/injuries.

The AndroGel I took was gel, rubbed on my shoulders and
lower abdomen. I heard it was relatively new, and the
old way was either injections or implants. Ugh.

Re: Now I know why you're so cool...

[zombienought.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I researched mine, because I was not entirely
comfortable with the idea of rubbing stallion semen
all over my body -- at least not without getting paid --
since I knew they keep mares enslaved to make birth
control pills -- incidentally, one of the reasons I
wanted to be infertile, so I would not be forcing my
significant others to take mind-altering drugs derived
from mare's piss. :(

Forgive my overhyphenation.

Re: Now I know why you're so cool...

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Perm solution comes from horse piss, too. That would explain why hair salons smell so horrid.

Re: Now I know why you're so cool...

[zombienought.livejournal.com]

I had no idea. What the fuck made someone try urine
for perm solution?! Were they like, "Hey, it softens
leather; how about hair?!"

I've always kind of liked that horribly chemical
stench of hair salons, although it sometimes gives
me headaches. I lived above a salon for a few months
in Toronto.

Re: Now I know why you're so cool...

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Ack! Forgive my pre-Alzheimer's brain. I never remember who I say things to....

Gel, hmm? I wonder how that compares to capsules?

Re: Now I know why you're so cool...

[zombienought.livejournal.com]

Apparently gel is the new and easiest way to do it.
My friend with no testicles really likes it a lot
more than the injections he used to have to give
himself, and he likes the ability to control the
amount of his dosage for those special vacations
with his partner.

I would assume the thickness or hairiness of one's
skin might affect absorption, but never came across
any information about it. The worst part for me,
however, was having to shower before I touched my
partner, to avoid giving her a beard.

Re: Now I know why you're so cool...

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

The testosterone didn't effect my hirsuteness. I've just been getting steadily hairier all my life. By the time I'm an old lady, I'll likely be a Wookie.

Re: Now I know why you're so cool...

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

And I'm not sure where the testosterone comes from in Andriol. Maybe yams, maybe from the first-born of enslaved horses. I don't know....

[real-bethy.livejournal.com]

Muffin?!

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Yup! When the flesh hangs out over top the pants, like a muffin hangs out over top the cupcake paper. Heh...

[real-bethy.livejournal.com]

Oooh! I've never heard that phrase before!

I think my whole body is a muffin!:)

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

It's a good one, isn't it?

I like muffins....

[duhastbees.livejournal.com]

mmm.

me, too.