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I'd hoped I was getting better, but I think this plague has taken a grotesque turn. My ears make crackling sounds when I swallow, and my nose is producing weirdly-coloured sculptural art.

Before I restart my struggling browser, here are a few links for your enjoyment:

The "Donald Duck as prior art" case: "There is a famous story (among patent attorneys, at least) about a Donald Duck story being used as prior art against a patent. This concerned an invention in which sunken ships can be raised by pumping buoyant bodies into them, which eventually will provide sufficient upward lift to bring the ship back to the surface. In a 1949 Donald Duck story, titled The Sunken Yacht a ship is raised by stuffing it full of ping-pong balls. But whether the story was actually used by a patent office to refuse the patent application remains unclear." Also contains the interesting sentence, "The total cost to save the ship was $345,000, saving the insurance company most of the $2 insured value of the ship." I think they needed a better insurance plan (thanks, gha5t)....

Speed Bandits: Denmark's innovative way of preventing drivers from speeding. NSFW.

Scientists not done with whale carcass yet: "They plan to attach 3 tons of metal railroad wheels to the corpse and sink it off the coast of San Juan Island." They want to study its decomposition. As for myself, I'm wondering about what effect all this rusting metal will have on the rotting whale and the resulting feeding frenzy of fish (thanks, Benoit).

Naked Lunch: Talking Realcore with Sergio Messina: NSFW. Interview with the Margaret Mead of alt.sex. Contains a goofy photo of a corduroy fetishist.

Ostankino Tower Above the Clouds: Some neat photographs of a very tall building (thanks, gha5t).

Now I'm going to restart my browser....

DiRT Ball

Because real_bethy claims never to have read any hardcore pornography penned by yours truly, I'd like to once again present Daisy Chain. Maybe I should write another. It's been over three years since I last penned porn.

Oops. I just terrified the chinchillas with one of my coughs. Sorry, little guys.

Oh yes, and real_bethy penned Ode To The Shanmonster's Ass. I'm not sure what to say, aside from I hope she will sing it to me. No one's ever written a song about my arse before.

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I didn't know white tigers are all mentally retarded, bred in some sort of oppositional eugenics plan. But how is this any different than the inbreeding used in any purebred animal program (eg. Himalayan cats, Irish Setter dogs) which also results in critters having limited mental faculties but fancy physical features?

Family trees are where it's at. Power to genetic diversity! I never liked family stumps.

....

When I was in high school, I detested math class (aside from trigonometry and geometric proofs). I especially hated DiRT triangles (Distance = Rate * Time, and all its permutations). This is because although the formula is so very simple, the problems rarely are. Extra variables are always thrown in, like wind drag, two trains driving together at different speeds with pitstops in Poughscoupie, rainstorms at the meeting point, etcetera. I'm detail oriented, so I was always distracted by the fact that one train may have to stop to clear the tracks of a dead cow or something, throwing the DiRT triangle equation into disarray.

But now I've just discovered that a friggin' DiRT triangle has saved the day (thanks, gha5t). This garners a little bit of respect, albeit most grudgingly.

Now, let's see if I can sew that dance belt of mine together today, shall we?