The Goose Avenger Fights Back

The goose chronicles continue, and much to my surprise, I am in a very tiny minority in my feelings about the tormenting/relocation of Canada geese. See?

While I haven't donned a goose costume and cape, I have written a letter to the editor:

While I recognize that people are concerned with a crowding problem, I think the means being taken to ameliorate the situation are unfortunate. Harassing the geese, especially while they are moulting and unable to escape, is cruel, and, by the terms of the signs posted around Victoria Park, also punishable by fines and jail terms.

There are ways to cut back on the population which will not stress or torment the geese. In the spring, before the eggs are laid, put the geese on "birth control." Food can be spiked with an agent which will cut back on viable eggs. A similar technique was used to reduce the pigeon population in Fredericton, NB a few years back.

And even if people have no concern for the feelings of our feathery opponents, they may at least be able to appreciate the economics of this suggestion. Limiting the birds' ability to reproduce is a much cheaper option than hiring people and training dogs to harass and relocate hundreds of geese.

....

In other news, I was actually social last night. Generally speaking, I don't go out and mingle. But I went out to a club last night and hung out and chatted with a gaggle (I'm still in goose mode) of people. I enjoyed myself, and had long conversations with people I've not really spoken with before. But I must regret to say I reveled in the largest dose of schadenfreude I've experienced in a long, long time.

One of the guys (I'll call him Bill) I was speaking with is in a tricky situation which sounds simple enough at the onset.

Bill had a one-night stand with a young lady, and now she fears she is pregnant and the baby is his.

Sounds pretty straight-forward, right?

Well, here's where the whack-a-doo stacks on:

She's a lesbian.

Now, lesbians who go around having one-night stands with men don't sound terribly lesbian to me, but rather indiscriminate. So what of the fears that she may have some STD?

No worries, says Bill. She's clean.

And how does he know?

Because her tests came back negative from when she bit the cop.

... Yeah.

But it gets better (or worse, depending). Her girlfriend is also a lesbian.

Her girlfriend is also pregnant.

... by one of the local drag queens.

I'm not sure I could make this shit up.

The Goose Avenger Goes Public

I just got a phone call from the paper. They want to publish my letter next week.

HONK!