Super Résumé

[shanmonster]

Just as I figured, the job hunting workshop I'm attending is a big ol' waste of time. Now, it's not a waste of time for everyone. A few of the people in my class have just been laid off from thirty-year careers, and have no idea how to write a résumé or look for a job. This workshop is ideal for them. But for about half of the class, it's same-old, same-old.

That being said, I did glean something entertaining out of the day's activities. The class was broken up into groups of three, and each group was to write a résumé for a fictional character. I swear I had nothing to do with my group picking Superman. But I did have a lot to do with the actual writing of the résumé. Here, in all it's unformatted glory, is Superman's résumé. What a dick (bear in mind I was going completely by my faulty memory)!

Superman
_____________________________________________________
c/o Clark Kent, Daily Planet, Metropolis

Objective: To obtain a position as a supervillain/evil genius

Summary of Qualifications

• In-depth knowledge of key players (both heroes and villains) and their whereabouts
• Keen understanding of do-gooder psychology
• Able to work shift work
• Facility with altering laws of nature/physics
• Familiarity with the workings of the criminal mind

Relevant Experience

Superhero Duties

• Reversed the spin of the earth to alter time
• maintained a secret identity to investigate daily goings-on from a layman's perspective
• battled superheroes (eg. Batman, Aquaman) to foil their plans
• adapted to many perilous environments (eg. underwater, vacuum of space, public transportation) in order to complete objectives

Super Powers

• Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound
• Flight
• Super strength
• X-ray vision

Work History

1940 - present
Superhero, self-employed, Metropolis

Education

Graduate, Smallville High School

Interests

• Euthanasia
• Destruction of humanity
• Vivisection
• Extortion
• True crime novels

References available upon request.

Comments

[purrthecat.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Nice example. Thanks for sharing.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. Wanna hire him?

[basksinshadows.livejournal.com]

You forgot "Ice-breath", "Heat-vision" and "Super-speed",dear.

[assmonkeydiary.livejournal.com]

and Invulnerability.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Like I said, I know I missed a bunch. I also didn't post his super-dickishness. Heh....

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Maybe I should freelance as a resume writer. There seems to be a market for just that thing. I used to do it, years ago....