Adventures in Unemployment Land

[shanmonster]

I've had some pretty crazy things happen to me over the years while in pursuit of jobs, ranging from depressing to surreal. My very first job interview was for a gallery attendant position at an exhibition centre. I brought my Mom along with me, and she thoughtfully fielded most of the questions for me. The interviewer had a strange expression on her face the whole time. I didn't think anything of it, but was surprised when I didn't get the job.

My interview skills have since improved, but that hasn't stopped me from having some really bad luck.

A small literary press was hiring a copy editor and reader. This was my idea of a dream job, and I very carefully wrote the perfect cover letter and affixed a résumé detailing all my editing and writing experience, as well as my membership with the Writers' Federation of New Brunswick, my university degree specializing in creative and expository writing, my writing scholarships, my list of publications, etcetera. I took care with my appearance and diction, then hand delivered the documentation to the secretary. Then, once every week and a half, I came back to the publishing house to see if they had any questions about my résumé.

They always said, "No, everything's fine."

The last time I showed up, I was told, "We've already hired for the position. We contacted all applicants a week ago."

After a few questions, we both learned my résumé had been lost and I had never even been considered for the position.

And then there was the time that I interviewed for a position at a fitness centre and was told I had the job, if I wanted it. I said, "Sure! I just have to give my current employer notice, and I'll be here in a week" (my current employer already knew I'd be leaving, and was fine with it).

"Excellent," she said. "I'll see you Monday."

So I tendered my resignation, and the following Monday showed up for training. The woman at the counter was confused. "You're here for training? But we have no positions."

"I was told I was hired and to show up today."

"Well, there's some sort of mistake, because we already hired someone else for the position."

"But I already handed in my resignation and now I have no job at all...." I realized I was whining, so shut up. The woman stared at me implacably, and I left, despondant as fuck. Luckily for me, my current employer had no problems with keeping me on a few weeks longer.

It wasn't all doom and gloom, though. I have had fun with the job hunting procedure on occasion, like the time I applied for a job at Mall Wart and the time I applied at a whorehouse. You've got to have some fun with job hunting. If you don't, it'll eat into your psyche like a pure bleach bath on your best silk lingerie.

One of the most bizarre experiences I had was when I applied for an editorial position with the UNB student handbook. I was interviewed by a panel comprised of student union representatives. They were rushed and rude throughout the interview, and when it was over, they literally knocked me over in their rush to get out the door. Later on, I received my PFO (Please Fuck Off) letter from them. It was riddled with typographical and grammatical errors. I sent them a thank you letter for their consideration, then asked them to consider me for a copy editor position, affixing their PFO which was positively dripping with corrections in red ink.

The devil made me do it.

Comments

[ltmurnau.livejournal.com]

Good for you on the last one. Friggin' ignorant students.

I haven't had any really weird experiences, though for one job my first duty was to write rejection letters to all the people who didn't get the job.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

That's a crappy job! Wow.

[ltmurnau.livejournal.com]

I didn't stay there long. I did my best on the letters, though, and actually got a call from one of the people thanking me (though she didn't know it was me) for writing such a considerate rejection letter. Well, I had a large personal collection of good and bad examples to work from....

[superbrad.livejournal.com]

And the lesson learned from all that: always get it in writing. :)