The Red Dress

[shanmonster]

When I was fourteen years old, I picked out and bought my first pretty dress. Now, I'd had dresses before then, of course, but being an established tomboy, was fond of none of them. But since I was a Jehovah's Witness (JW) kid, and JW girls have to wear dresses/skirts to the Kingdom Hall, I decided to pick out something I actually liked. The dress was bright lipstick-red cotton. It was daringly short (it actually showed my kneecaps when I sat down), and had a peekaboo back with lots of horizontal strapping. It was definitely the coolest dress I'd ever owned, and I was proud of it. For the first time, I actually felt pretty in a great dress instead of homely in ugly third-generation hand-me-downs.

I was never a popular kid, even at the Kingdom Hall. So when I wore the dress to the Kingdom Hall, and Marty, one of the boys my age, approached me and said, "That's a really nice dress," I was flattered by the attention. I may have even blushed when I thanked him. But before I could say anything else, he had left to hang out with the "cool" JW kids.

I tried following him over to the group to say hello, but was met with rolling eyes and then by turned backs. I went back to my seat and did my best to ignore the spurning. I still liked my dress, though, and relived the compliment a few times in my own mind.

Some time later, I went to a book study (a JW meeting held in a JW's home) wearing the red dress. By this time, the dress was no longer so brilliantly red, but I still liked it. The meeting was held in the basement of an elder's (ie. a pastor's) home. When the meeting was over, I ascended the stairs and began putting on my coat and boots. My father rushed up the stairs and hissed into my ear, "You're not being fair to young Mark."

Mark was the elder's son. He was about nineteen or twenty years old.

"What do you mean?"

"You're provoking him, standing up here like that. I want you to get rid of that dress. It's too short, and you're standing at the top of the stairs on purpose so he can see up your skirt."

Horrified, I wound the fabric tight around my legs. "I didn't do it on purpose," I said.

When I got home, I threw the red dress in the garbage.

(Photo from loxosceles.org)

Comments

[synisterchyck.livejournal.com]

Of course it was always the women's fault for encouraging impure thoughts.

And I all to well remember the cliques that formed the elder's kids and the pioneer's kids.

My dad was disfellowshiped/put on public reproof numerous times so I was marked as bad association (it spoils useful habits you know) so I wasn't very well accepted. Plus the fact that I had trouble being a "sheep" and tended to think for myself (Beware of Independent Thinkinig!) So I ended up hanging out with another girl who's dad was the same.

She and I are both out now.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

It is a rather standard tale of JW girldom, isn't it? Hoorah for being out of there.

[synisterchyck.livejournal.com]

Of course the first thing I did was hack all my skirts short and throw away all dresses that were hideously "modest"

*grin*

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

I don't think I got my first short dress until my second year of university, and then it was a little black velvet dress. I still have it, although I'm pretty sure it wouldn't fit.

Oh gee. That's just messed up!

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

And now you taunt thousands of anonymous people with photos of yourself in exotic dance costumes! Wonderful! There is a poetic justice.

Re: Oh gee. That's just messed up!

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Indeed!

[ambitious-wench.livejournal.com]

What a stunning story, Shan. And the image is gorgeous.

*hugs*
Edie

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

I like the picture, too. I don't know who the model is, but the photo seems appropriate. And my dress was that same colour, too.

[romantorres.livejournal.com]

First, I'm sorry about that whole JW thing. I had nothing to do with it, of course, but I'd have spared you if I could.

Second, that is genuinely one of the saddest personal things I've read. I actually felt an ache. Sympathy in the etymological sense as well as the common one.

This one is very pretty, and you make it look wonderful. :)

[f00dave.livejournal.com]

That's not Shan; I think she needs to be a bit more careful in the future when posting photos of dancers that look somewhat like her!

[romantorres.livejournal.com]

Hm.

Oops.

Well ... *shrugs* ... it's the thought that counts.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

And I didn't mean to mislead with the picture. That is not me. It's from the site I link to, afterwards. But my dress was that same colour.

[goth-hobbit.livejournal.com]

(Note: the following is not meant as a criticism of anyone reading or writing in this journal.)
The more I know about practicing JWs, the gladder I am that my exposure to them has been so minimal.

I remember performing in a school talent show in 7th grade. I sang a Linda Ronstadt song, danced, and wore a fairly innocuous floral print skirt and sleeveless top. Starting the following Monday, a girl in my class (who I had no idea was a JW until then) started following me around, accusing me of trying to get the boys to stare at my legs, and calling me a whore.

I think I wore jeans and baggy sweatshirts to school for the rest of the year. I had no idea, at that age, of how to deal with her invective.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

That's pretty nasty. I never had JW kids telling me I was a whore. Mostly, they just ignored me.

I think United Pentecostal Church (UPC) kids are just as messed up as JWs in their own ways. I went to school with a lot of them, and they reminded me of a different flavour of fucked up. Now, I was called a whore by UPC kids, even while wearing my dowdy hand-me-downs. This was because I sometimes wore jewellery and had short hair.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

When it comes right down to it, I'm glad I had such an interesting childhood. Things might not have been good, but they were rarely boring.