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I just read a review of a movie I think I need to see: The Unholy.
Check out this review:
The devil is roaming around Nawluns disguised as a pasty-face hooker in a cheap negligee so he can rip out the throats of Catholic priests in this slime-demon devil-worship programmer. Archbishop Hal Holbrook decides they need a new guy in the parish to do battle with sex demons, so he sends Ben Cross, of Chariots of Fire fame, to kung-fu a lizard-gut giant caterpillar disguised as a belly dancer. But first he gets flung out of a 17th-story window and wakes up in the hospital without any injuries, but the Pope keeps it out of the newspapers because "His Holiness doesn't like miracles."
This is what convinces the guys in the black smocks that Ben is the man for the job down on Bourbon Street. The basic idea here is that there's this window of time between Good Friday, when the priest snuffs out the candle, and Easter morning, when the priests are totally defenseless because Jesus is in the grave. That's when the slime demons show up dressed like hookers and start playing kissy-face with the priest to see if he'll pull a Jimmy Swaggart or else resist the temptation and fling the Devil back into hell. So far, the Devil is 2 and 0.
Fourteen breasts. Seven dead bodies. One dead dog. Five exploding necks. Two exploding demon heads. Two crucifixions. Grisly intestine-monster with giant licking tongue. Bloodsucking. Nekkid-lady knife plunging. Great Poltergeist ripoff effects. Phone call from Hell. Blood barfing. A 74 on the Vomit Meter. Gratuitous devil worship. Gratuitous bed snakes. Insane asylum Fu. With Trevor Howard, in the last film he made, as the spooky old blind demon expert, Ned Beatty as the weirdbeard police lieutenant, Nicole Fortier as the pasty-face devil woman, Jill Carroll as the innocent young girl who just happened to get involved in devil worship ("Father, please make love to me"), William Russ as the owner of a Satanic punk-rock nightclub.
Three Stars. Joe Bob says check It out! Joe Bob Briggs, JOE BOB'S ULTIMATE B MOVIE GUIDE
What's not to like? It's got an ancient evil, kung fu, and belly dancers. Oh my!
Check out this review:
The devil is roaming around Nawluns disguised as a pasty-face hooker in a cheap negligee so he can rip out the throats of Catholic priests in this slime-demon devil-worship programmer. Archbishop Hal Holbrook decides they need a new guy in the parish to do battle with sex demons, so he sends Ben Cross, of Chariots of Fire fame, to kung-fu a lizard-gut giant caterpillar disguised as a belly dancer. But first he gets flung out of a 17th-story window and wakes up in the hospital without any injuries, but the Pope keeps it out of the newspapers because "His Holiness doesn't like miracles."
This is what convinces the guys in the black smocks that Ben is the man for the job down on Bourbon Street. The basic idea here is that there's this window of time between Good Friday, when the priest snuffs out the candle, and Easter morning, when the priests are totally defenseless because Jesus is in the grave. That's when the slime demons show up dressed like hookers and start playing kissy-face with the priest to see if he'll pull a Jimmy Swaggart or else resist the temptation and fling the Devil back into hell. So far, the Devil is 2 and 0.
Fourteen breasts. Seven dead bodies. One dead dog. Five exploding necks. Two exploding demon heads. Two crucifixions. Grisly intestine-monster with giant licking tongue. Bloodsucking. Nekkid-lady knife plunging. Great Poltergeist ripoff effects. Phone call from Hell. Blood barfing. A 74 on the Vomit Meter. Gratuitous devil worship. Gratuitous bed snakes. Insane asylum Fu. With Trevor Howard, in the last film he made, as the spooky old blind demon expert, Ned Beatty as the weirdbeard police lieutenant, Nicole Fortier as the pasty-face devil woman, Jill Carroll as the innocent young girl who just happened to get involved in devil worship ("Father, please make love to me"), William Russ as the owner of a Satanic punk-rock nightclub.
Three Stars. Joe Bob says check It out! Joe Bob Briggs, JOE BOB'S ULTIMATE B MOVIE GUIDE
What's not to like? It's got an ancient evil, kung fu, and belly dancers. Oh my!
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Date: 2005-09-29 04:35 pm (UTC)From:no subject
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Date: 2005-09-30 03:26 am (UTC)From:And I must see something with a 20' penis. Any recommendations?
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