shanmonster: (Default)
My foot was bothering me this morning, and I felt pretty skanky, so I hopped into the shower. The hot water felt good on the bruises. After I'd soaked in the steam and spray, I took a pumice stone to my foot. Much to my surprise, chunks fell from the bones like overcooked meat.

Hunks of green, purple, and blue flesh swirled into the drain. The clogging made the tub fill up 'til I was standing in a gory stew. It smelled of flowers and not putrefaction. I was surprised at how yellow my foot bones are. I'd expected them to be whiter.

The good news is that I can now wear dainty shoes on my left foot. Now, if I can just scrub my right foot down to match, I won't be such a mutant.

Date: 2006-01-27 03:32 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] tlatoani.livejournal.com
Surrealism Day today?

Date: 2006-01-27 05:25 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] shanmonster.livejournal.com
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaybe.

Date: 2006-01-27 04:13 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] phil-in-a-box.livejournal.com
Holy fuck, please tell me that isn't for real. Dear god dear Jesus it can't be.

I think I'm going to puke my pants.

Date: 2006-01-27 05:25 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] shanmonster.livejournal.com
Why did you eat your pants?

Date: 2006-01-27 08:51 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] phil-in-a-box.livejournal.com
Oh no, I don't mean I puked them, I mean I puked them. Much like when people pee their pants they aren't usually letting denim flow freely from their urethra. ^_^

Btw, I told me girlfriend what you wrote in here today and she agreed that it was pretty much the sickest thing ever. PLEASE TELL ME YOU WERE KIDDING. >_<

Shan!

Date: 2006-01-27 04:25 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] sasha-khan.livejournal.com

Don't go to pieces on us!

Re: Shan!

Date: 2006-01-27 05:25 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] shanmonster.livejournal.com
I'll try not to!

Date: 2006-01-27 04:50 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] ccopperpot.livejournal.com
I read this and the other entry you have up today with a straight face with the exception that your usage of 'skanky' made me chuckle. You are many things, but skanky is not one that comes to mind quickly. :D

Date: 2006-01-27 05:19 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] shanmonster.livejournal.com
My other body is Courtney Love.

Date: 2006-01-29 06:59 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] duhastbees.livejournal.com
Oh, gross.

Date: 2006-01-27 06:25 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] entropy156.livejournal.com
I hate it when that happens. I find that the best solution is to dip what's left of the foot in a bowl of sawdust and then wrap it in a warm flour tortilla. Works every time.

Date: 2006-01-27 06:37 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] shanmonster.livejournal.com
I'll remember that for my right foot.

bruise medicine

Date: 2006-01-27 08:45 pm (UTC)From: (Anonymous)
Your teacher ought to be able to hook you up with some Dit Da Jow or some kind of bruise medicine. That kind of injury needs looked after, otherwise it will tweak you for months. If you have a Chinese grocery store in town, or better yet a Chinese pharmacy, they will probably have Five Photo Brand linaments, which are the best that are commonly sold commercially, and are very inexpensive. They work very well. In the US and probably Canada too their bottles are often labled "antiseptic" for legal reasons, but don't worry.

The extremely available Tiger Balm is completely useless, and is primarily popular because they put a tiger on the package and illiterates thought it contained tiger bone, which works very well but is now almost impossible to get, especially commercially.

Five Photos linament can be ordered from East Earth Trade Winds on the internet. I have been buying from East Earth for about fifteen years, it is run by Mike Chetowski who is a martial artist and herbalist, and who has taken chunks of his time over the years to help me educate myself. He is well known for his willingness to help, his skills, and his fantastic customer service policy. Believe it or not, I actually don't work for him. From reading your blog, you will probably find the website interesting.

Of course, if you can get to a chinese pharmacy, they may have homemade jow, which will almost certainly be excellent.

If you are going to do kung fu after 30, you need to be able to heal your injuries, otherwise you will train a lot less than you want/need to, and spend too much time in pain. There is plenty of information online now, if you are interested Ron Teeguardin has a great and detailed website, an easily read and informative writing style, and is very knowledgeable. Ignore any random religious concepts you encounter.

Up to you, of course. Your agonized postings are really quite entertaining.

Bruce Dearborn Walker

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