Amid All This Confusion, We Lose Sight of the Enemy

[shanmonster]

Ok, that's another one down. I've just sent in an application for a government job. If I get it, I get excellent wages, great benefits, friendly people to work with, and, to top it all off, it's only about a five minute walk away.

I'm crossing my fingers (well, not really, but you get the point).

I still get the weirdest things in my guestbook and inbox. Just in, yet another preachy letter about Jesus Was Gother Than You. This one comes from Susan Settoon, who says, "I was a drug addict, drunk, into premiscuous sex, lying, cheating, hating, stealing, very much into goth, etc, until I was saved."

Here's my favourite bit, though:

"If someone sent you a death threat in the mail, would you do everything you can to determine whether or not that death threat is real? Would you take it to the police and try to find out if it is a hoax or not? Well, the Bible is a death threat. It tells you that you are going to die and either spend the rest of your life in Heaven or burning in Hell. Why wouldn't you go out of your way to make sure this is real?"

Wow. The Bible as death threat, and this coming from a Christian. Will wonders never cease?

And then I received this incomprehensible write-up in my guestbook:

Peoplecan always with kinds bothering and attacks. In these situations defense techniques unite with practical intelligence. Also people’s behaviors and soulsmust been thought in these positions. Preventing from bothering and attacks byusing one of the defense sports ( Karate, Taekwondo, Aikido, Kick box atc) Iscalled close defense art.
Theaim of Close Defence Art. In our country and on the world defence is more important in close protection and security which are doing for a sort of time. People who do this job (police, security, Soldier ) are always exposed to kinds of buttering andatackts. In these positions we can see the importance of Close Defence Art
-To improve are of the defense sports for preventing from buttering and attractsand to teach people who do these jobs
-To give theory and tactic lesson to people whosejobs are close protection and security to important their other people.
-Tohelp people who want to carry out this job veil.
To cooperate with other people and foundations in our country and foreign countries for knowledge trade and investigate to be help of improving and wide spreading this art.

Buh?



And now for a couple of links:

Bruno: Bruno pulls an Ali G. on a minister who specializes in saving gay men (thanks, idiolekt).

Many Times of Joy and Sorrow: It's about poop propulsion. NSFW.

Transparent Canoe/Kayak: Very cool, but I can't help but think it's not the wisest thing to have in case of capsizing. Rescuers would have a hell of a time finding an upset transparent craft (thanks, gha5t).

Anti-dance book from 1892: From the Ball-Room to Hell: Dance as a gateway drug. I'm obviously doomed.

Love Chess: Probably NSFW. Some sort of erotic chess game with an ancient Egyptian theme. I really don't get it, but it's a splendid case of rampant orientalism (thanks, balthcat).

Comments

[idiolekt.livejournal.com]

Jesus was a pervert.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Jesus was naughty.

[evildrgo.livejournal.com]

Like Evil Gods of Destruction
They Move Through Liquid Transparencies

[f00dave.livejournal.com]

The countdown to extinction will now transform reality
Slowly the sky grows dark
They slip into a final dream

Mmmmmm...

[miami-pony.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I was trying to place what song that was but didn't feel like Googling.

[sorceror.livejournal.com]

That "poop propulsion" link is Japanese. Isn't it. >_<

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

It's gotta be.

[twopiearr.livejournal.com]

Love Chess is just the latest in a long and usually undignified string of Battle Chess clones...

[zombienought.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I used to play Battle Chess. Why not Love Chess?


I would ignore a death threat if it seemed to be a
work of fiction.

[idiolekt.livejournal.com]

I love your icon. Very NSFW.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

I don't get it, either. I don't know if they're humourless, or stupid, or some combination of the two.

[cryduchat.livejournal.com]

Mmmm eXtreme Christians. Crunchy in milk ...

[miraba.livejournal.com]

"Lifelike" graphics.
I'm wondering if the reviewers weren't transported from the previous decade.

[miami-pony.livejournal.com]

You mean you didn't know that The Bible was a death threat? Of course! Fuck this "love thy neighbour" crap. Fuck this "The meek shall inherit the earth" nonsense. Religion is all "Be Like Me Or FUCKING DIE!" Isn't that the great wondrous beauty of both of the collected works that we refer to as The Bible?

Or.. wait.. there were 2? Well when they say The Bible, which one do they mean? The first one? Or the sequel? I mean sometimes the first one is really good and the rest are crap, like Police Academy. Is The Bible like Police Academy? Or is it where the sequel is better than the first one.. like The Terminator? Is The Bible like The Terminator? Or thirdly, is it where both are equally good.. like The Godfather parts 1 and 2?

Looks like your new friend might be thinking of The Godfather. After all, it does have God in the title.. and killing. and "Be like me or FUCKING DIE". Yep.

God, The Father, and the Holy Shit He's Got A Fucking Gun.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know the Bible can be read as a death threat. But I am surprised that a Christian would refer to it as such.

Re: recent post from Susan Settoon

[(Anonymous)]

You posted on 7-10-06 from someone named Susan Settoon. This name is not a common name, therefore I have to believe that someone is slandering my name. In the future can you please verify that the person " Susan Settoon " is in reality who they say they are. I live in a small town and do not need to have my name googled only to come up with some crazy talk about sex, drugs and weird things about God. I am NOT a drug addict, I am a married mother of 2, that believes in God from what I read in the Bible. So in the future , please verify that this person Susan Settoon is actually a *real* person. I do not believe it is.
I would truely appreciate you helping me not have phone calls wondering about my morals.
Thanks

[(Anonymous)]

The Bible as a death threat meaning it tells you that when you die you either will go to Heaven or Hell. Hell is death of the soul because one will perish forever in Hell. That is the threat of not believing that Jesus is God's Son. I no longer do any of the things that I have mentioned that I have done in my past. I happen to be proud of being saved from these things. Everyone has a past, and I am not ashamed to speak of mine because of the good that came out of it.

Anyway, being a Christian is awesome. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. The only way someone can know about Christ is by becoming a Christian and desiring to know God. Then that brings along faith.