I'm a Weakling and a Klutz

[shanmonster]

I had a new experience last night. I attended a dance class which made me feel like I'd never worked out before in my entire life. I felt as weak as a newborn, and as uncoordinated as a drunk horse.

What was this class?

Pole dancing.

At first, it seemed deceptively simple. We learned a couple of standing moves. From a horse stance, we did figure 8s with our hips, and something rather similar to a Maya. Although I'm used to doing those movements, and I'm used to horse stance, I'm not used to putting them together, and I got a good burn out of it.

And then we did a few backbends with the pole. That wasn't too bad, either.

Next we sat crosslegged, our legs wrapped around the pole. We gripped the pole up over our heads, and then lifted ourselves up off the ground, so our crossed legs hovered a good foot or two off the ground.

At least, that was the theory. I couldn't budge. I strained and pulled until I thought my biceps would launch themselves off my arms and land twitching like epileptic trout on the floor, but I couldn't get my butt even an inch off the floor.

In the meanwhile, the instructor was either defying gravity or exhibiting her super powers by smoothly floating up and down.

This exercise makes chin-ups look no more physically demanding than brushing your teeth.

Then we worked on spins with the pole. I started walking clockwise, hooked my left leg around the pole as I gave a little hop, and spun my way down to kneeling on the floor. This is the only move I could do somewhat correctly. As soon as I tried walking counterclockwise, I thanked my lucky stars I wasn't a guy; every time I tried a spin from this direction, I jammed my crotch full-force and full-speed into the pole. OUCH!

Since this graceless, weakling klutz feeling is so unfamiliar to me, I feel like I must persevere and triumph over it. I think I'm going to keep taking the pole dancing--not because I can imagine myself ever doing pole dance performances (where would I do that?), but because damn, what an amazing upper body workout....

Here are a few of the many moves I cannot do:

Watch on YouTube

Comments

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

No such user!

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Wow. Her arms are amazing.

[real-bethy.livejournal.com]

Wow. I've never been to an exotic dance club where the dancers were that good with a pole...even the special features. If they were, I wouldn't mind paying 6 bucks for a beer and some boobies. :)

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

There's a reason for that. I think at a lot of exotic dance clubs, the dancers are well aware that they don't necessarily need to be good dancers to rake in the dough. They just need to have the right look.

So why expend all that energy when all you need to do is bump and grind and shake your titties?

[zombienought.livejournal.com]

I went to a club in Victoria, BC a few times, and
every time, several of the dancers were consistent-
ly amazing with polework. Perhaps this is because
they have to work harder, since they don't ever
leave the stage? Maybe it's because they're enjoy-
ing doing what they like instead of having to go
into the crowd...

A few US dancers have told me that, with lack of
health care and sick leave, it's much safer to do
a simple "bump and grind" and make about the same
amount of money, than to damage themselves getting
gymnastic with the pole.

[real-bethy.livejournal.com]

I have heard similar stories from US dancers as well. Personally, I would be nervous to even be clomping around on stage in such high heels - I would break my ankle in three minutes flat, I'm sure. During my undergrad, I took a course on exotic dancing (I guess I should specify that it was a cultural/sociological/political course, not an actual course where dance was taught) and it really opened my eyes to the difficulties that womyn in the field have to face every day. The reality of the exotic dance industry is anything but exotic and glamorous...working the pole can become a daily grind just as much as data entry.

[hayet.livejournal.com]

.........!!!!!

This makes me want to learn. SO BAD. Wow.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Are there classes where you live?

[hayet.livejournal.com]

oh, probably. but, as usual, I haven't the time.

I wonder how long it would take a person starting at couch potato to work up to the strength necessary to do any of those moves, though...? assuming they are working out at home due to time/money/new baby constraints?

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

I really couldn't tell you. I'm betting it would take months, though.

I think I'm going to try taking these classes regularly. The day I can finally do one of those pull-ups, I'll be boasting about it all over the web. Ha!

[dancingleaf.livejournal.com]

I have a pole. I am working my way slowly through Sheila Kelley's pole 101. (which I don't particularly like.) There aren't any classes in my area.

I have just recovered from my last pole inflicted injury. Yes, I too slammed my groin into the pole with sufficient force that I am still feeling the lingering bruise 9? days later.

Not to mention it is hell on my R rotator cuff, old injury.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Oh dear! You mean I'll get more groin injuries? Kung fu isn't that bad! Heh...

[pernwebgoddess.livejournal.com]

Dude... I could never do that. I've got the strength of a kitten in my upper arms anyway.

GOD I'm so out of shape.

[wiliqueen.livejournal.com]

Right there with you. *sigh* I was moping for DAYS about my utter failure at Spanish Web (http://wiliqueen.livejournal.com/371400.html). I keep saying I'm going to take a regular Actor's Gym class, and it keeps not happening, because I suck. And am also slightly concerned about the rotator cuff issue, since I can't even do a simple cartwheel anymore without a warning twinge. :-/

[pernwebgoddess.livejournal.com]

I can remember the days when all I had to do to tone a muscle or lose an inch or two was think about it, and I'd naturally reach my goal through regular activity.

Childbirth and natural laziness have sabotaged me.

Gah.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Wow! That looks like such fun! I wish I had an opportunity to do that sort of training here.

[wiliqueen.livejournal.com]

I know it's a bit of a schlep from Kitchener, but...

http://www.torontocircus.com/index.php

[madamewoo.livejournal.com]

are those the pole dancing classes in downtown K?

I totally tried that class, and I was SO not up to it. It was SO HARD.

but it would be fun to be able to do!

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Those are the ones!

I'm going to try to do the classes twice a week and see if I can ever get to the point where I can hoist myself up.

Then maybe I'll start working on making it all look good. Heh....

[wiliqueen.livejournal.com]

A couple years ago, Jane magazine's Stephanie Trong took a pole-dancing class for a pretty interesting feature article (and made some similar observations). I thought of you at the time because she resembles you a bit, and it seemed like something that would interest you.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

I have never read Jane. How is it different from Cosmo?

[wiliqueen.livejournal.com]

Cosmo is fluff for smart women who still play the game by the old rules. Jane is fluff for smart women who would rather hack the game code.

Or at least it used to be; Conde Nast forced a retooling a while back. They tried to say "We'll look a little different, but we'll still be us," but even though most of the same senior staff is still there, they just didn't seem to succeed. I ended up dropping the subscription I'd had for about five years.

[real-bethy.livejournal.com]

I personally prefer "Bitch" to "Jane" (at least, new "Jane", which has become "Cosmo" in denial from my perspective...but I'll be the first to admit that I absolutely hate most womyn's magazines with a passion). However, it is not without its charms and the pole dancing article was cool.

[admnaismith.livejournal.com]

Holy cow, that grrl is STRONG!

[fourcorners.livejournal.com]

She's amazing. Being a former strip club afficianado, I've seen some reall great pole acts, some that blow you away with artistic style and physical ability, but this girl in the video is Cirque du Soleil caliber

[zombienought.livejournal.com]

I am really surprised that you couldn't do this stuff
with ease. It's cool that you've found something new
to challenge you.

I jammed my crotch full-force and full-speed into the pole

Strip clubs are *sooo* unhygaenic!

[real-bethy.livejournal.com]

In the city where I'm from, there is a strip club where the dancers make any men celebrating their birthdays lick the pole. **shudder**

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Payback, I guess. Ugh.