Water, Jonathan Coulton, and Donkey Shows

[shanmonster]

Bright and early yesterday morning, miami_pony and his friend entropicana picked me up and we began our long drive to Rochester, NY to see Jonathan Coulton in concert. As we approached the US border, I saw signs for Niagara Falls. "I've never seen the falls," I said, whereupon miami_pony expressed dismay and made a slight change in our driving plans. We drove through the Canadian city of Niagara Falls, which surprised me by being the Canadian version of Las Vegas in terms of tackiness. Even in daylight, before the neon came on, the sight made my eyes sore. The decor is one of Orientalist haunted house, with mummies, pyramids, and Frankenstein's monsters. The Ripley's Believe it Or Not building lay on its side, an enormous WWE museum pumped out loud classical music (of all things), and overpriced street meat and candy shops lined the streets. Throngs of people wandered up and down the hill with cameras, cotton candy, hot dogs, and shopping bags filled with Canadian souvenirs made in China. I hadn't realized Canada had a tourist trap of such magnitude. All along, I'd thought of the city as mostly a destination for honeymooners.

Then we drove down the hill more and my eyes were eased by the wonderful sight of the American falls. As we drove along with our windows open, droplets of mist sprayed us inside the car. Even over the sound of the car's engine and nearby construction, I could sense the deep roar of tonnes and tonnes of water crashing down. And when we went around the corner and saw the even more impressive Horseshoe Falls, it seemed I could feel the roar deep inside my bowels. Above the falls rested the wreck of an old scow. entropicana told us the story of it.

By this point, it was close to noon and we were all hungry. We decided we'd grab something to eat stateside. But where the Canadian side was all glitter and consumerism run amok, the American side was a veritable ghost town. We spied a Pizza Hut in the distance, but as we drove up to it saw the windows were all boarded up. Niagara Falls, NY is run-down and depressing.

We kept driving and finally found a service centre with a Fuddruckers (or Buttfuckers from Idiocracy). I bought an overpriced, very greasy burger and an excellent chocolate milkshake, and after eating, we continued our merry way.

Once we left the dreary Niagara area, upstate New York grew more and more beautiful, with newly budding trees, jaunty waving flags, well-kept homes, and bright green fields dotted with horses. Alas, but the roads are also Jackson Pollocked with roadkill: smears and hunks of skunks, groundhogs, squirrels, and even a couple of deer. Golden-feathered turkey vultures circled and swooped overhead for almost the entire drive.

Our drive took much longer than anticipated thanks to the faultiness of Google Maps' instructions. We ended up driving over an hour out of our way, and arrived at the concert late. No one was running the ticket booth, so we just walked on in to the auditorium. The opening act (Paul and Storm) was just finishing up a very funny song about seamen. I wish we'd seen their whole act, because Paul and Storm are talented musicians and excellent showmen. They finished their set with A Better Version of You, dedicated to all of the people who used to be children.

And then we had an intermission, where I remedied the not having paid for the show by purchasing an Re: Your Brains t-shirt from Jonathon Coulton (I'm wearing it now. W00t!)

Up next was Surround Sound, an a cappella group from RIT. They did a flat and uninspired version of "Code Monkey," but their next songs were a lot better. They harmonize very well, and all seem to be really nice guys.

When they finished, Jonathan Coulton took the stage. He has a pleasant, smooth demeanor, with a voice that melts like butter in my ears (which is rather a disgusting image, now that I've imagined it). He sang about code monkeys and Flickr photos and giant squid and fancy pants and big butts. Paul and Storm joined him as backup for several songs, and I sat and ate it all up. He finished with one of my favourite songs, "Re. Your Brains," and had us all sing the "All we want to do is eat your brains" refrain, zombie-style. By the end, my voice was hoarse and my cheeks sore from all the grinning.



The drive back was much faster, now that we knew to avoid all the wrong turns and unnecessary detours. We once again stopped by Niagara Falls, and this time took the time to wander around. We cut through the casino to look at the falls from on high. As it became darker, enormous spotlights were turned on, lighting up the falls. Gels turned the falls pastel colours. I maintain that yellow is an unfortunate choice.



The city, which had been tacky by day, was a glorious, searing collection of kitschy neon and noise. We ended up eating supper at a Mexican restaurant. One of the many wall murals pictured a buxom senorita and a sign advertising donkey shows. ... The nachos were good, and mercifully, we were spared any congress of man and beast.

And that was my yesterday. How was yours?

Comments

[veritate.livejournal.com]

GREAT photo! I'm seething with jealousy. JoCo's voice really does melt like butter. So smooth and sweet.

And yes, the Falls really do rumble deep within the pit of your belly. It's terribly unfortunate how tacky the town itself has become.

Thanks for sharing about your trip.

[miami-pony.livejournal.com]

hey Shanlet, Trent's LJ username is Entropicana. I'm totally chuffed that you and he got along so well.

[tdj.livejournal.com]

One of my best friends from high school spent a summer eschewing pronouns and now works as a software developer.

When I first heard Code Monkey, it was immediately forwarded to all of our mutual friends. I maintain to this day that it is somehow biographical.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Wow, it all sounds fantastic! I'm all about the tacky vacation spots, so it appears I must now add Niagra Falls to my list of eventual tourist destinations.

I wish Mr. Coulton would schedule a midwest tour that included Kansas City.

[real-bethy.livejournal.com]

The Canadian side of The Falls is WAY cooler than the American side!!!

scary building on the American side

[raine-storm.livejournal.com]

when I went to Niagara Falls, the visitor's centre on the American side was condemened, and still open. I bravely entered the building because I really really really had to go pee. The bathroom stalls all had the locks on the wrong side of the doors, it was very odd, but thankfully noone locked me in the stall.