Mmmm..... Bacon......

[shanmonster]

I've been lackadaisically, but interestedly, been following the Armin Meiwes Menschenfresser cannibalism trial. I'm not so sure a crime has been committed. Well, he did kill Bernd Brandes, but it was consensual. Meiwes is being hailed as the gentleman cannibal. He let his potential dinners back out of the oven, so to speak. "There was a teacher, a cook, a hotel employee and a student. He had them hanging from the ceiling head down and they had no chance of freeing themselves. One felt sick, the other didn't want to go on; he let them all down." Brandes was the lucky main course, and was even so blessed as to sample his own Vienna sausage.

Although prosecuters are pursuing a life sentence for murder, I just don't think this counts as murder. Brandes was just altogether too much like the cow from Milliway's (see The Restaurant at the End of the Universe). He wanted to be eaten, and told Meiwes where to cut. So this is why Meiwes' lawyer is instead seeking conviction of "'killing on request,' a form of illegal euthanasia that carries a sentence of six months to five years." Of course, Meiwes is obviously bonkers, according to common gastronomical perceptions. "Meiwes first sliced off Brandes' penis, fried it, seasoned it with salt, pepper and garlic. Then he shared it with its former owner. Stern reported Meiwes saying the dish was 'tough and unpalatable'" (from Willing victim was eaten while still alive). It seems to me he should have marinaded the meat before cooking it, or at least stewed it instead of frying it. I'll have to bear this in mind should I ever get really, really, really hungry.

The other thing I learned, that I already suspected, anyhow, is that human flesh tastes of pork. It seems pretty obvious, to me, considering it's called longpig. It's not like stewed babies are ever called manchicken.

I have yet to see anyone comment on the fact that Meiwes isn't the only cannibal in this story. Brandes ate himself in a way that Marilyn Manson will probably never accomplish, rib-removal urban legends notwithstanding.

Franz Josef Wagner, a Bild columnist, put part of the blame on Hollywood, which he said had turned a cannibal into a box-office franchise with the "Silence of the Lambs" and its sequels. "The cult star of the film world in 2002 was Hannibal Lecter, who ate a human brain to the music of Vivaldi," he wrote.
-- from ArminM.com

I suppose Meiwes may have decided to engage in anthropophagy out of adulating Anthony Hopkins, but that seems unlikely. Perhaps he was more influenced by cannibalistic children's literature (like Robinson Crusoe), Cannibal: The Musical, or Shiguro Takada's Contingency Cannibalism. Instead, it seems more possible he was influenced by Tobias Schneebaum or Poppy Z. Brite.

Weirdly enough, one of the oddest things I've found in this whole sordid story is that Meiwes had a "specially-built killing room in his 44-room home." Forty-four rooms! I'm impressed. I hadn't realized cannibals had so come up in the world. Cannibals have come a long way from grass huts in Papua New Guinea, hmm?

Now, who wants to make any bets over whether or not Meiwe develops a prion disease?

And now, just because it's such a rad fucking song, here's Jiminy Cricket's "Cannibal Song" .... again:

Once upon a time there were ten little cannibals
Swingin' on a vine,
One tried to pet a big wildcat,
And then there were nine.
One of the nine drank turpentine
And then there were eight.
Then one more fell dead on the floor
And seven was their fate.
One went to politics,
Then there were only six.
One took a dive,
Now five we see.
One went to Singapore,
Then there were only four.
One turned green,
Then there were three.
One fell into some glue,
Then there were only two...
They drank from a loving cup.
One became a skeleton,
Then there was only one,
And he ate himself all up. (What a silly thing to do!)