so my girlfriend and I are on a college trip that has us staying in a hotel in New York City. The suites each have 2 bedrooms with a pair of double beds that connect to a common living room. we have just entered the sexual phase of our relationship and privacy is non-existent. so we have to attempt to be creative.
the top floor of the hotel is a ballroom open on weekends to bridge clubs and such things. one night, out of sheer desperation, we decide to give the women's restroom of the ballroom a try. the sofa in the lounge area is too short to be of any real use and the area is higher traffic than we like, so she suggests we try a stall.
the conditions are cramped as hell. i'm seated on the toilet, some knobby protrusion thereof digging into the small of my back, and she's astride and facing me. the angle is bad for thrusting, so she's doing most of the work. amazingly, this seems to be having the desired effect (ah, youth) but then someone comes into the restroom.
i brace my feet against the door to conceal my legs from view, but now there's a problem - her feet are pointing in the wrong direction for someone using the bathroom. so she starts making exaggerate snorting noises; whether she was attempting to simulate sobbing or cocaine use i have never managed to reliably determine. however, this causes our neighbor concern - "you okay in there honey?" she asks in a brooklyn drawl - so gf changes tactics. "One of my contacts fell out," she says.
amazingly, by this point, i'm enough overcome by the surreality of the situation to totally lose all sense of place and whisper, confused, "since when do you wear contacts?"
no sooner are the words out than the realization of what i've just done hits like a ton of bricks. there's an awkward silence, and our neighbor vacates rather quickly.
1)One time I was having sex with a fellow in his room and his mother (who was working in the basement doing beadwork...we weren't so crazy to try and have sex with her just wandering the house) knocked on the door and asked him if he wanted to join her and his father for dinner. Mid-thrust, he kind of called out, "No, thanks! Bethy and I have plans!" and then she proceeded to ask him for restaurant suggestions through the door...and while we had sex, he discussed various Italian restaurants in the area with her.
2) One day, a guy I was seeing and I went to Pearson Airport to pick up his 83 year old bubbe who was flying in from Winnepeg. When we were in the parking garage looking for somewhere to park, we saw Gordon Pinsent drive out of a parking spot. We waved and parked where he left. The boy said, "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if we had sex in Gordon Pinsent's parking spot while picking my grandmother up at the airport?" I thought briefly and said, "Yes, yes it would." I hiked up my skirt and we did what came naturally. However, the car we were in was very small and I ended up by propping one of my feet on the driver's headrest and one on the dashboard. Someone walking by saw my leg on the dash and thought that I was injured (or dead) and ran up yelling, "Hey! Are you okay?!" Startled by the noise, the boyfriend lifts himself up off me and directly into a face that went from concerned to horrified in the matter of seconds.
3) One time, I was performing oral sex on a guy and he accidentally ejaculated in my eye. I was wearing contact lenses at the time. My eye immediately starting burning and because it hurt so much I couldn't keep my eye open enough to take out my lens...so the two of us spent half an hour in the hotel room trying to flush out my eye. Fortunately, I found this way more funny than I did upsetting. In fact, we would often joke about it.
A public service announcement: If you allow your girlfriend to distract you while you are cutting up peppers, it is NOT ACCEPTABLE to just quickly rinse your hands. Even if they're only cubanelles.
I'll try to make this brief as it pains me to think about it, even now.
I was a senior in highschool and with my first girlfriend of about 6 months up in my bedroom. We were both virgins and figured now was as good a time as any to remedy that situation. Well, like a stupid teenager, condoms didn't enter into the equation. I started doing the motion while she basically lied there, not helping at all. I thought I was in the correct area, but as it turns out, I was between her and the bedsheets. With her giving me no help or guidance, I just kept pumping away until I developed a rather sharp pain in my lower area. I thought this might be normal, but when the pain continued and worsened, I figured something had to be wrong. I got up, went into the bathroom, and to my horror realized that I had rubbed myself raw on the head... I was actually bleeding from a dime-sized abrasion. I still have the scar to this day to remind me. We broke up a few months later, and during that time, sex was never attempted again. As a matter of fact, with my next girlfriend and current wife of 13 years, sex took the better part of 8 months to even be attempted. Once rubbed raw, twice shy, I suppose.
Seventeen years old. Boyfriend and I on the floor of my mum's apt in the living room. I didn't know Dad had come to spend the night, and thought Mum was out. Dad walks in on us. Can't see much in the dark, but he comments "are you okay, I thought I heard some grunting out here?"
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chiming
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Date: 2007-10-25 03:10 pm (UTC)From:the top floor of the hotel is a ballroom open on weekends to bridge clubs and such things. one night, out of sheer desperation, we decide to give the women's restroom of the ballroom a try. the sofa in the lounge area is too short to be of any real use and the area is higher traffic than we like, so she suggests we try a stall.
the conditions are cramped as hell. i'm seated on the toilet, some knobby protrusion thereof digging into the small of my back, and she's astride and facing me. the angle is bad for thrusting, so she's doing most of the work. amazingly, this seems to be having the desired effect (ah, youth) but then someone comes into the restroom.
i brace my feet against the door to conceal my legs from view, but now there's a problem - her feet are pointing in the wrong direction for someone using the bathroom. so she starts making exaggerate snorting noises; whether she was attempting to simulate sobbing or cocaine use i have never managed to reliably determine. however, this causes our neighbor concern - "you okay in there honey?" she asks in a brooklyn drawl - so gf changes tactics. "One of my contacts fell out," she says.
amazingly, by this point, i'm enough overcome by the surreality of the situation to totally lose all sense of place and whisper, confused, "since when do you wear contacts?"
no sooner are the words out than the realization of what i've just done hits like a ton of bricks. there's an awkward silence, and our neighbor vacates rather quickly.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-25 09:09 pm (UTC)From:2) One day, a guy I was seeing and I went to Pearson Airport to pick up his 83 year old bubbe who was flying in from Winnepeg. When we were in the parking garage looking for somewhere to park, we saw Gordon Pinsent drive out of a parking spot. We waved and parked where he left. The boy said, "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if we had sex in Gordon Pinsent's parking spot while picking my grandmother up at the airport?" I thought briefly and said, "Yes, yes it would." I hiked up my skirt and we did what came naturally. However, the car we were in was very small and I ended up by propping one of my feet on the driver's headrest and one on the dashboard. Someone walking by saw my leg on the dash and thought that I was injured (or dead) and ran up yelling, "Hey! Are you okay?!" Startled by the noise, the boyfriend lifts himself up off me and directly into a face that went from concerned to horrified in the matter of seconds.
3) One time, I was performing oral sex on a guy and he accidentally ejaculated in my eye. I was wearing contact lenses at the time. My eye immediately starting burning and because it hurt so much I couldn't keep my eye open enough to take out my lens...so the two of us spent half an hour in the hotel room trying to flush out my eye. Fortunately, I found this way more funny than I did upsetting. In fact, we would often joke about it.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-26 06:06 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2007-10-26 01:41 pm (UTC)From:I was a senior in highschool and with my first girlfriend of about 6 months up in my bedroom. We were both virgins and figured now was as good a time as any to remedy that situation. Well, like a stupid teenager, condoms didn't enter into the equation. I started doing the motion while she basically lied there, not helping at all. I thought I was in the correct area, but as it turns out, I was between her and the bedsheets. With her giving me no help or guidance, I just kept pumping away until I developed a rather sharp pain in my lower area. I thought this might be normal, but when the pain continued and worsened, I figured something had to be wrong. I got up, went into the bathroom, and to my horror realized that I had rubbed myself raw on the head... I was actually bleeding from a dime-sized abrasion. I still have the scar to this day to remind me. We broke up a few months later, and during that time, sex was never attempted again. As a matter of fact, with my next girlfriend and current wife of 13 years, sex took the better part of 8 months to even be attempted. Once rubbed raw, twice shy, I suppose.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-26 05:46 pm (UTC)From:Dad walks in on us. Can't see much in the dark, but he comments "are you okay, I thought I heard some grunting out here?"
End of that session.