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This past LARP weekend was a huge change from previous events. Instead of playing Di'ikh the emo Drow, I chose to play the part of a hugely-pregnant female Orc by the name of Marrow. Much hilarity ensued. Amazing things were happening beneath my dress. I held up to twenty spell packets (little cloth bags filled with bird seed) in my bra. These represented rocks which I used to throw at my enemies.
In order to get the pregnant look, I wore a hideous yellow full-length dress, green nylon leggings on my legs, green nylon leggings on my arms and chest (with a hole cut in the crotch so my head could get through), an over-sized bra stuffed with J-cloths. My pregnant belly was a semi-inflated beach ball, and I also wore a self-inflating whoopie cushion against my arse. These plastic devices were held in place by a pair of queen-sized pantyhose with the legs cut off. The whoopie cushion would go off every time I leaned on something, sat down, or shifted position. For the first day and a half,I think a third of the people at the game thought it was real, and they were averting their eyes so as not to cause me embarrassment.
On the day the babies were due, I wore a leather belt cinched tightly around my waist. Dolls, with cords tied to them and to my belt, were tucked by the legs into my belt and under the beach ball.
The birthing scene was hysterical (and yes, I mean that in terms of the Greek origin of the word, too). The way the dolls were attached, they would fall out at randomly and drag on the ground behind me. The baby fell out as I walked through the centre of town, setting off a chorus of screams from the townsfolk. Someone kept screaming "Pick it up! Pick it up!" to me, so I grabbed the umbilical cord and walked around that way for a while. Someone puked (Serai, maybe?). Then they screamed, "Put it down! Put it down!" so I shrugged, spun the baby around once or twice for momentum, and plopped it down onto the shield of a fighter by the name of Wolfgar.
The bold warrior began screaming like a little girl. When the placenta came out (I used the whoopie cushion, as I didn't have the foresight to bring a raw liver), I plopped that down onto the shield, too, and he screamed even more.
After the townsfolk cleaned up the baby and cossetted them in a way I just couldn't fathom (do they know nothing about baby Orcs?), they attempted to make me breastfeed it. Baby Orcs bite, of course, and it's not a good idea to let a baby's mouth that close to a sensitive piece of anatomy. But having never given birth before, I was convinced to let the baby latch on. It bit me and naturally I sent it flying, then walked off to do something more useful, like go off to battle.
As I wandered off, the other baby fell out and dragged behind me, and the screaming resumed. I didn't want the babies as I thought their father was no good, so after someone cut this one free, I abandoned both children in town and went off to fight monsters.
Later that day, after I killed a demonic wall and got myself all corrupted by something or another, I returned to my camp. An Orcish scouting party from another tribe had been wandering away downwind and caught my scent, and followed their noses to my camp.
They gave me tribute (a severed human leg and a set of imp wings), and then that's when the Orcgy took place. I never did catch their names. I hope my brother Ubiquitous did. In any case, what happened from there on was lost in much roaring, much pounding, several instances of fists of fury, and a mist of green spunk. I'm not entirely sure of all the details, but one of the Orcs lost consciousness, and I broke the tibia using the severed leg on him. When he came to, he was very pleased and left walking funny.
That's how I got pregnant again. I killed more monsters later that night, and shouted out the town laws over and over again as a criminal taken into custody was gagged by my brother's filthy underpants.
I truly earned that shower I took when I got home.
And how was your weekend?
![[Marrow]](https://p2.dreamwidth.org/ea6b8a16d610/2919457-658359/photos-398.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sf2p/v290/5/40/507413398/n507413398_563741_9306.jpg "[Marrow]")
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Link time.
Women as Warriors in the 19th Century: This just seems appropriate, somehow.
Woman in India 'has twins at 70': Also somewhat appropriate.
Stripper Bears: SFW. Make sure you have your sound on.
Laser Tattoo: Don't do this at homes, kiddies.
L'enculeur de mouches: NSFW. WTF, mate (thanks,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
balthcat)?
Boonga Boonga: Classic Japanese weirdery.
In order to get the pregnant look, I wore a hideous yellow full-length dress, green nylon leggings on my legs, green nylon leggings on my arms and chest (with a hole cut in the crotch so my head could get through), an over-sized bra stuffed with J-cloths. My pregnant belly was a semi-inflated beach ball, and I also wore a self-inflating whoopie cushion against my arse. These plastic devices were held in place by a pair of queen-sized pantyhose with the legs cut off. The whoopie cushion would go off every time I leaned on something, sat down, or shifted position. For the first day and a half,I think a third of the people at the game thought it was real, and they were averting their eyes so as not to cause me embarrassment.
On the day the babies were due, I wore a leather belt cinched tightly around my waist. Dolls, with cords tied to them and to my belt, were tucked by the legs into my belt and under the beach ball.
The birthing scene was hysterical (and yes, I mean that in terms of the Greek origin of the word, too). The way the dolls were attached, they would fall out at randomly and drag on the ground behind me. The baby fell out as I walked through the centre of town, setting off a chorus of screams from the townsfolk. Someone kept screaming "Pick it up! Pick it up!" to me, so I grabbed the umbilical cord and walked around that way for a while. Someone puked (Serai, maybe?). Then they screamed, "Put it down! Put it down!" so I shrugged, spun the baby around once or twice for momentum, and plopped it down onto the shield of a fighter by the name of Wolfgar.
The bold warrior began screaming like a little girl. When the placenta came out (I used the whoopie cushion, as I didn't have the foresight to bring a raw liver), I plopped that down onto the shield, too, and he screamed even more.
After the townsfolk cleaned up the baby and cossetted them in a way I just couldn't fathom (do they know nothing about baby Orcs?), they attempted to make me breastfeed it. Baby Orcs bite, of course, and it's not a good idea to let a baby's mouth that close to a sensitive piece of anatomy. But having never given birth before, I was convinced to let the baby latch on. It bit me and naturally I sent it flying, then walked off to do something more useful, like go off to battle.
As I wandered off, the other baby fell out and dragged behind me, and the screaming resumed. I didn't want the babies as I thought their father was no good, so after someone cut this one free, I abandoned both children in town and went off to fight monsters.
Later that day, after I killed a demonic wall and got myself all corrupted by something or another, I returned to my camp. An Orcish scouting party from another tribe had been wandering away downwind and caught my scent, and followed their noses to my camp.
They gave me tribute (a severed human leg and a set of imp wings), and then that's when the Orcgy took place. I never did catch their names. I hope my brother Ubiquitous did. In any case, what happened from there on was lost in much roaring, much pounding, several instances of fists of fury, and a mist of green spunk. I'm not entirely sure of all the details, but one of the Orcs lost consciousness, and I broke the tibia using the severed leg on him. When he came to, he was very pleased and left walking funny.
That's how I got pregnant again. I killed more monsters later that night, and shouted out the town laws over and over again as a criminal taken into custody was gagged by my brother's filthy underpants.
I truly earned that shower I took when I got home.
And how was your weekend?
---------
Link time.
Women as Warriors in the 19th Century: This just seems appropriate, somehow.
Woman in India 'has twins at 70': Also somewhat appropriate.
Stripper Bears: SFW. Make sure you have your sound on.
Laser Tattoo: Don't do this at homes, kiddies.
L'enculeur de mouches: NSFW. WTF, mate (thanks,
balthcat)?Boonga Boonga: Classic Japanese weirdery.
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Date: 2008-07-07 01:30 pm (UTC)From:no subject
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Date: 2008-07-07 03:57 pm (UTC)From:Christ on a Cracker.
Date: 2008-07-07 03:55 pm (UTC)From:Re: Christ on a Cracker.
Date: 2008-07-07 03:56 pm (UTC)From:Re: Christ on a Cracker.
Date: 2008-07-07 03:57 pm (UTC)From:Mwahahahaha.....
Re: Christ on a Cracker.
Date: 2008-07-07 04:04 pm (UTC)From:**LOL**
Re: Christ on a Cracker.
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