In the News

[shanmonster]

Penguins' pooing powers revealed: Prodigious penguin poop propulsion. Apparently, if people wanted to fling feces as far as a certain caterpillar, the shit would hit the fan a good 250 feet away. Holy shit (thanks, Miss Wurzel Todd)!

Student Caught In Racial Controversy: Get this--four students have been suspended for their part in nominating an African-American student for an African-American award. The catch is the African-American in question is white. Goddamned political correctness can bite my zitty arse (thanks, Rev. Dead Corpse).

Inmate charged in Pennsylvania spork attack: Let's just think about that title for a while, shall we (thanks again, Rev.)?

Too well-dressed to be abused: " A Moroccan man had been released after a Spanish court ruled his wife was too well-dressed during the trial to be a victim of domestic violence, news reports said yesterday." Yeah, that makes sense.

Doctors Remove Woman's 175-Pound Tumor: Here's my favourite sentence: "The lack of the tumour really suits her." I'm sure it does.

One-eyed goat draws stares from amazed locals: " Some community members suggested the goat might have been the result of an act of bestiality. Said one: 'We've never seen anything like this before. There are many immoral people who think nothing of raping toddlers, so why not a goat?'"