A Trip to the Sky Penis

[shanmonster]

After a strange party the night before with people of questionable sobriety (me being one of those questionable people), I woke up and made my way to the CN Tower. Although I've gazed at Toronto's Sky Penis many times, I've never actually gone for a ride up its urethra. On Saturday, up I went.

The elevator goes about 15 mph. That's pretty fast. It's about the same speed that my sphincter puckers firmly shut while I watch the ground disappear beneath me. My ears popped the same way as they would if I were riding in an airplane. From my vantage point in Charlie's great glass elevator, I watched the ground race away from me until the throngs of tourists went from irritating to inconsequential.

I went to the 360 Restaurant, which is a rotating restaurant in the bulging head of the sky penis. The most interesting thing about this restaurant is the rotating view. In the time it took us to eat our meals, the restaurant completed about one and a half revolutions, showing us a fantastic view of the city, Lake Ontario, and the hideous CN rail yard. The least interesting thing was the carpet, so I won't talk about that.



The food was very pricey, and fell far short of my expectations. I had made the incorrect assumption that because the meals were very expensive, that they would match in quality the equally expensive meal I'd eaten at Verses in Kitchener last month. The food, although not bad, by any stretch of the imagination, was also not great. It struck me as being no tastier than something I might purchase at a mid-priced family restaurant. Still, the food was rather pretty.

First course: Tomatoes, feta, and arugula salad with some sort of balsamic vinegar and oil. Meh.



Second course: Breast of capon stuffed with mushrooms and served with au jus and mashed sweet potatoes. It was ok, but no better than anything I've eaten at a mid-priced restaurant.



Third course: Dark and white chocolate mousse tower with fraiche creme anglais and fresh fruit. The creme and the blackberries were the best part, but still nowhere close to being the most delicious dessert I've ever had. The presentation was clever, I guess. If you use your imagination, you can see how this is supposed to represent the tower I was in at the time.



The coffee, however, was the worst coffee I've ever had in a restaurant. I did not take its picture.

After eating, I then went an walked on the glass floor, and experienced a bizarre physiological response to the whole thing. My legs went all wobbly, and I felt my guts suck right up inside my body as I looked almost a mile down beneath my feet. So I laid down and had my picture taken.



Afterwards, when we finally left the intensely overcrowded observation deck, I went downtown and got accosted by a hot chick peddling Bruno merchandise. She tried to get me into her van, but I escaped this succubus. And now I'm home.

Hi.

How was your weekend?

Comments

[ltmurnau.livejournal.com]

I can understand the urge to build these great phallic structures in the middle of urban areas, but why do they always put spinning restaurants in them?

In 1988, I visited Berlin and crossed over into East Berlin for a day. The tallest structure in East Berlin was the Funkturm, a radio tower 150 metres high that had a revolving restaurant about 50 metres up. We sat and ate not-very-remarkable Commie German food that was expensive but we paid in East Marks (which looked like badly printed Monopoly money, officially traded at 1:1 but unofficially at 20:1).

[wiliqueen.livejournal.com]

I've been up in the Tower once in '89 and once in '94. The glass floors were installed in between those two visits; previously there were windows where you could look straight down, but you had to lean over a waist-high mini-wall to do so.

On the second visit, I determined that the glass floors were a definite improvement, only because it's absolutely fascinating to watch different people wrestle with instinct in order to take that step.

[niteshad.livejournal.com]

I horrified my (then) girlfriend in 2000 by enthusiatically jumping up and down on top of the glass floor. Probably some onlookers were similarly affected.

[real-bethy.livejournal.com]

The phrase gone for a ride up its urethra is a series of words that evokes such wonderful imagery. :)

I've heard naught but ambivalence about the rotating restaurant atop the great sky penis. I think they charge you for the novelty of eating in a twisting dick-bulb and serve you meh-flavoured food.

[valkryor.livejournal.com]

I watched Megashark vs Giant Octopus. And yes, it was about as terrible as you'd expect it to be. You'll enjoy it. :D

[niteshad.livejournal.com]

I've been in the CN tower three times, 1988, 1994 and 2000. The first couple of times it seemed worth it, however the last one, it seemed like it had transformed itself from architectural marvel (which the tower still is) into a kitschy tourist trap. When I return to Toronto, I shall not be visiting the tower again.