Latin folks!

[shanmonster]

I spent the last hour and a half trying to compose some poetry in Latin. I'm willing to bet it's dog Latin (mutt Latin, at that), because my grasp of the language is tenuous.

But if your grasp is decent, can you scan this and tell me if it makes sense?

Eruo

Miser perturbatio, miser quemadmodum.
Exanimus mihi.
Vindici, transporto meus mucro amor.
Talionis cum meus gladius imbibo meus cruorem.

Comments

[alagbon.livejournal.com]

What?!? My mother was a saint!

[goth-hobbit.livejournal.com]

I think I have an idea, but if you have it down in English, I can help you knock it into proper shape. Alternate possibilities are in parentheses. What I've got is:

Overthrow (destroy)

Wretched disturbed people, wretched in what way.
Dead, I am.
Defender (protector), transport my beloved sword point.
Retaliation when my sword drinks in (assimilate) my own blood.


Another possibility is:

To pluck

Wretched passion , wretched how.
Lifeless me.
Avenger , send my sword's point love.
Retribution when my sword imbibe my blood.

Like I said, if you have an English version of what you're composing, let me know and I can help knock it into Latin.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

The second version is the closer of the two. The verbs and tenses are problematic, as is my grasp of Latin. But I'm working on it....

[goth-hobbit.livejournal.com]

Okay, here's some more word nerdiness.

Eruo has a more precise meaning as "to cast forth". If you want the act of plucking, vello would be a better choice (pluck, pull, tear out, uproot, or demolish). Explanto would be another possibility.

Passion has a number of possibilities, depending on what you're trying to convey. Going from mildest to most violent, we have:
perturbatio - confusion, disorder
aestus - an agitation
flagitum - a shameful act, passionate deed, outrage, burning shame, disgraceful thing
ira - anger or wrath
furia - a fury, scourge, curse
aestuo - to rage or burn
furor - a raving, rage, madness, fury, passion
rabiosus - rabid or fierce

Quemadmodum is an interrogative of "in what manner", but can also be used as "for instance" or "just as". Mihi is a reflexive which carries the sense of "to me", but in this instance, you might want to substitute sum, as in "I am".

Avenger or revenger can be rendered as ultoris or punitoris, with the second carrying the shading of "one who exacts retribution". Transporto is shaded as "carry across", where mittere translates as send, throw, hurl, or cast.
Mucro should probably be mucronis as the thing possessing love (sword-point's love).

Retribution is another one that has several shadings. Talionis is translated as retaliation, whereas poenitus or poenare have a translation more in line with retribution (Poena dare - to pay the penalty). Punire is a more general punish. Meus gladius and meus cruorem should be switched around so that the modified nouns come first. Imbibo should switch switch tense to imbitus.

I hope that this helps, and that I haven't completely overwhelmed you with my ability to take a simple project, and turn it into something of a scope more in keeping with the invasion of Normandy.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Yay! Word nerdiness!

I chose Eruo because of the double entendre. It means both rescue and raze/demolish, does it not?

As for passion, what words would be more relevant in terms of lust as opposed to fury?

This has been most helpful. Thank you!

[goth-hobbit.livejournal.com]

Eruo has attested meanings of elicit, pluck/dig/root up, overthrow, and destroy, while deruo and its conjugations translate as cause to fall/collapse, detract/take away, fall down/off, and throw/cast down. Eripio has the double meaning of rescue, or take by force. The most common usage of admio is annul, but it also had attested translations of rescue, deprive/steal/seize, withdraw/take away/carry off, and castrate. Vulgar Latin has delere and destruere for destroy (interestingly, there's not a word in the colloquial that translates as rescue). Raze can be translated as adaequo, complano or conplano (both of which also mean "smooth out trouble"), diruo (also means bankrupt), excindo and exscindo (exterminate or destroy people), and excido (cut down, destroy). If eruo has the double entendre attested, I can't find it.

Lubido and libido both work for describing pure lust, with an emphasis on pleasure. For lustful passion with a hint of madness, you've got caleo (hot with passion, inflamed), incendio (fiery passion/love/hostility), cupiditas (lust, carnal desire, and greed), and aegrotatio (morbid desire/passion, unhealthy moral condition).

Hey, glad to help! Let me know if you need me to chase anything else down.