It's What's Inside That Counts

[shanmonster]

I'm being called fat-phobic in another community because I have the temerity to say that women with no curves are as worthy as women with curves. Terms like skinny privilege are being thrown at me. I feel as though people are having a dick-waving contest, only instead of showing who's got the bigger wang, they're boasting over who's the bigger victim.

Life ain't easy, whether you're fat or thin or tall or short. Just as fat does not equate to unfit, skinny does not equate to fit (and even fit does not equate to happy). Yes, clothes are harder to find when you're bigger than a size twelve. Yes, it sucks. But guess what? It's not the end of the world. Life is what you make of it, and each one of us is going to have our own individual setbacks. Some will be unique, and some will be commonplace. The idea that having a particular body shape is the golden ticket to a good life is utter bosh.

Stop pointing fingers. You're not perfect. Neither am I. We are all human. We are all flawed. There will always be someone better off and worse off than you, and skinniness/fatness is so damned irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. I firmly believe that everyone has value and potential, and it is up to each of us to make what we can of ourselves, despite whatever setbacks life throws our way. I don't care what you look like, but I care that you take care of yourself and one another. You only have one life, and one body, so look after it, and be decent to other people, for fuck's sake.

Comments

[hellbound-heart.livejournal.com]

I really hate what you get a lot of in the British media about 'real women'. As a response to the amount of skinny models in magazines, the backlash is that those aren't 'real women'. 'Real women' have curves. For one thing, a lot of this praise of bigger women seems insincere. You'll have a paparazzi lens scrutinising cellulite on a person with a simpering article reading 'how awesome that [this person] is a real woman and doesn't care about her, ahem, less than perfect thighs!' And another thing, referring to one group of women as if somehow they...aren't real, they're catwalk robots of some kind - how is that going to help? I agree that some elements of fashion promote unhealthy eating, so let's deal with that, instead of demonising groups of people!

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Amen.

[amberite.livejournal.com]

Well, women pictured on magazine covers often aren't real women, but that's literal and has far more to do with Photoshop than with the models pictured: http://www.hemmy.net/2007/05/25/celebrities-before-and-after-photoshop/

...and the people we need to take legitimate complaints to about this aren't the everyday, real-life skinny people!

For more of that kind of thing, check out the Baroque Anatomy (http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/search/label/baroque%20anatomy) tag on Photoshop Disasters; it's hilarious.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Omg! Baroque Anatomy is hysterical!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

What drives me crazy are the people who flat out say "Women are supposed to be curvy" and then get hostile when told that's a discriminatory thing to say. Whether their protestations are rooted in ignorance or resentment at being called on their shit, the result is the same--refusal/failure to comprehend the insult.

The only response to that sort of thing is to say should be "My bad. Sorry. I should have clarified that I prefer..."

I even mentioned this exact topic, a long time ago, in an LJ post.

Making a sweeping statement about an entire group of people is only going to make the speaker sound like an ass. I know I'm guilty of it occasionally, but I like to think I'm capable of admitting mea culpa when I'm called on it.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

I just read your write-up, and I agree with every last bit of it.

Everyone has something that sets them off. One of mine is so-called "reverse discrimination". Yes, I think discrimination against women is bad, but for whatever reason, when people say shit like, "Boys are dumb. Throw rocks at them," I see more red than when someone says, "Pfft. Woman driver." Maybe it's because I like to root for the underdog, and more people are standing up for women's rights than men's. Dunno.

When I was teaching an intermediate-level belly dance class, I accepted a total novice because no other dance teacher in the city would teach this person, because he was male. Grr....

I also take umbrage with the stop violence against women thing, when I believe in stopping violence, period. Women abuse people, too. I was beaten up by far more girls in my day than boys. A vagina isn't proof of a kind and peaceful nature. I should know. I'm ashamed to admit used to have a bad and violent temper, and used to hit people when I was angry. I am proud of myself for getting that under control. Oddly enough, I think it was martial arts training that let me do that.

Wow. I'm in a ranty mood today. Heheheh....

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

A vagina isn't proof of a kind and peaceful nature

For. Real.

Admission: I have a temper, too. It takes a lot to send me over the edge, but when I do...*whew* Not pretty. People who say "she's sexy when she's mad" have never seen Really Mad. I've never struck anyone in anger, but I've said some pretty horrific words. =(

Yay for rants! It's good to get that stuff out there, IMO. Even if the assholes don't listen, now they can't say they've never been told.

When the personal is political

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

Marxian identity politics is never pretty or rational. Uncle Karl would roll over in his grave to see how Marxian analysis has escaped the narrow bonds of socio-economic class and degenerated into the low comedy of body-image identity politics. Sheesh! You're absolutely right. If you're thin or fat and don't want to be, for whatever reason, that's a problem. If you're fat or thin and you're okay with how you look then more power to you. For Hod's sake though, to adopt body image as a collective identity characteristic and make a political issue of catering to demands for "validation" is ludicrous to the point of hysteria.

Re: When the personal is political

[hellbound-heart.livejournal.com]

"For Hod's sake though, to adopt body image as a collective identity characteristic and make a political issue of catering to demands for "validation" is ludicrous to the point of hysteria."

Absofuckinglutely.

[silverfae.livejournal.com]

For every girl in high school who got nasty whispers because she was fat, I can bear witness that the same little assholes didn't think anything of whining right into my face, "ohhhh, you're soooo skinnny!" as if it were a compliment, but their expressions said anything but that.

The Real Women are Curvy crap surely makes a big girl with no boobs feel less than ideal, and on the other side of the coin being condescended to because I happen to be built with a skinny ass and hips and oversized boobs naturally is downright insulting as well.

Being told by a well-meaning friend in dance class, "but you have no hips to shake" was a sore spot until I confronted her thoughtlessness and pointed out that snakes don't have hips either, but they sure undulate nicely.

Thanks for posting that video.. seen it before, but it's a nice reminder.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

(Reposted from my FB because it seems applicable here....)

When I was in university, I was very underweight. Not because I dieted or anything like that, but because I am naturally very thin, and at the time, was recovering from a depressive episode where I simply could not bring myself to eat more... than was absolutely necessary to keep me up and moving. I got a lot of insults from complete strangers. I was called disgusting and repulsive. I was told to "eat a sandwich." When I was showering at the Y in one of the private stalls, an extremely angry-looking woman lunged to my stall and drew my shower curtain closed more than it was (why she was peeping at me, I don't know).

I was also personally blamed for setting an unrealistic standard for other girls, which is totally preposterous.

So yeah, skinny chicks get the hate, too.

[silverfae.livejournal.com]

I was so very thin in high school, mainly because I did two hours of modern dance and then gymnastics and held a job on Saturdays. I could drink milkshakes, eat a whole pizza and still not gain an ounce, so I totally understand your metabolism.

[shanmonster.livejournal.com]

Yeah. My metabolism was just like that until I turned 30.

It also took me years of working out before I gained any muscle.

[jourdannex.livejournal.com]

Growing up, I was really underweight, not by choice, but both my sister and I were...we actually had to shop at 'baby stores' until I was in high school. I could not wait to wear a misses size O and shop WHERE EVERYONE ELSE DID.

I had a friend years ago who was overweight. She told me I could never understand being teased for being fat. And I told her, I can understand the gist of it because I was teased for being skinny..and she got so mad she did not speak to me for days...she said I belittled her and was mocking her. And I was not, I never would, I was just trying to say, I understood being mocked is hard, FOR WHATEVER REASON. When you look different as a kid, or as an adult, people are harsh.

I literally sat in a chair on weekends as a kid and read books with a stash of fattening food gorging myself trying to gain weight. I would be SO HAPPY TO DO THAT NOW :) But no....it all caught up to me :)

But yea, the blame and the hate, it comes whether you are heavy or thin.

That video you posted is amazing.

[zydee.livejournal.com]

It's been a long time since I read my LJ -- and I see this! Well said. I've been fat and I've been skinny, and I'm somewhere in between now. I have to say, the view from "in between" is rather nice. But I can still remember both ends of that spectrum, and they are not happy joyous puppy-filled memories.

I'm so glad you're still out here in LJ land.