shanmonster | The Kindness of Strangers

Over the past year or so, I've noted that the number of people who actually know me and either hang out with me or used to hang out with me are a distinct minority when it comes to commenting on anything I post. A couple of people I've taken dance workshops with, one or two of my students (past or present), and a couple people I've LARPed with have dialogues with me on LiveJournal or FaceBook, but for the most part, the people who communicate with me through these media are people I've never met. Some might say this is because the people I see in person discuss with me in person the things I write about, but this is not the case.

I am essentially a hermit. Aside from work and the monthly LARP excursion, the only people I see with any sort of regularity are

f00dave,

amelielee, and

knightky. And with those last two, it's only a couple of times a month. They only occasionally read what I post, and rarely comment. When we converse, it is rarely about anything I may have written.

I am not necessarily a hermit by choice. My work schedule keeps me busy in the evenings, when most people seem to have their free time. And quite frankly, few people like spending time with me, nowadays. I know this is true, because when I make posts that I will be going to Toronto and would like to hang out, or if I say I'm going to a show and would like company, it is a perishingly rare occasion when anyone responds. Or people may say, "Let's hang out!" But whenever I'm in the area, they are notably absent. I'm not averse to meeting those of you who do post regularly. However, I get a nigh-unto-superstitious fear that if I do, you will stop posting. Pretty much my entire social life is relegated to online interactions.

I'm guessing that the reason I am actively avoided is because I am difficult, blunt, and pretty weird. Maybe I make people tired because I am always keeping myself busy. I really don't think it's my smell. I bathe regularly. You'd tell me if I stink, right? On that note, I need to go have a shower. I have two classes to teach tonight, and I just got home from a workout not too long ago. Maybe I am rather ripe.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: The Knife - Forest Families

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On the contrary, you are intransigent, forthright, and pretty wonderful. In addition, you are talented, witty, creative, well-spoken, and sensitive without being maudlin or saccarine-sweet. What's not to like? I will say that you are an unusual human being, but I think the world needs more people who are unafraid to be the individuals they are much more than it needs yet even more comfortable, reassuring, conformists.

"There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion."
— Francis Bacon

Well, merci, monsieur!

...and you speak French, apparently! It just gets better and better. Heh.

Un peu.

Once upon a time, I used to be functionally bilingual. Alas, but my French skills slowly began to melt away while I was in university. I can still speak a bit, but my comprehension of written French is better than my spoken French. I am also better at writing French than I am at speaking it.

I studied quite a few languages, over the years, but English remains the only one with which I have significant facility.

I don't think you're difficult, blunt or weird, at least not to the point where I'd stop associating with you. But I live over 3,000 miles away and it's highly unlikely we'll ever meet in person. If we lived in the same town I think we'd hang out.

Maybe we would!

I'd like to think we'd hang out if I didn't live in Kansas, although it's more likely we'd just remain acquaintances since we have divergent interests and work schedules. The reason I even heard of you in the first place, was that I joined up with a couple of other JW "survivors" on LiveJournal and heard you had a website with a bunch of funny essays about life in the fold. I stopped in, read a few stories, and was hooked. I consider you (and other online cronies) to be something of a pen pal, though sometimes it's more one-sided.

For the record, I'm abrasive, mercurial and deeply weird. That's the opinion of the people at work who wonder why I'm too good to sit down at lunch break and discuss American Idol with them. Everyone else thinks I'm a peach (or are too afraid to say otherwise).

Heh. I've yet to meet an ex-JW who isn't weird. I think it comes with the ... territory (hahaha! JW in-joke!). Have you noticed this, too?

*groan*
Yes. Cognitive dissonance comes into play, I think. Even the few JWs who made religion a part of their lives, not the reason for existing, still came across as just a little unhinged. It requires some subterfuge and doublespeak to successfully straddle both worlds. And, as we all know, the fence belongs to the devil.

And let's not even get into the physical and sexual abuse perpetrated by, overlooked or flat out excused by the elders..."Well, if Jehovah (acting through the body of elders who suddenly have enough money to re-pave the parking lot) can forgive him for getting boozed up and raping his step-daughter, that's good enough for us."

But I'm not bitter. Mazel tov!

I seem to recall telling you to milk
the "new kid in town" thing while you
could. :)

I'm not sure what that means. Because I moved so much, I grew up being the new kid. In my experience, new kids are met with intense suspicion, and are rarely allowed to be one of the gang.

I meant that, when you moved to town,
you'd be exciting and new, and should
capitalise on that.

I guess it's time to go back to DJing.
:P

We're less than 4 hours apart... would like to meet one of these days when I make the time to head to your part of town... there's a few other Canadians I'd like to meet and/or see again, too. Some of them are farther away than you are along the same general path I think...

I can relate to blunt and weird... difficult - I suppose it depends on the topic, but it'll be interesting to find out...

If you're ever in the Kitchener area, let me know!

I will be in London May 1/2... trying to learn more about the plans of others whether or not I might be able to make a side journey (and figure out what I'd do with my husband during that time and I suppose it'd help to know if you'd be available around that time too...) Have a wedding to attend Sunday evening...

That could be nice! I know I'm busy that weekend, but am potentially around on the Monday.

Sounds like we're going to try to meet with my husband's grandma for lunch Monday, so we'll unfortunately be heading back in the wrong direction :( I will have to make time to visit my friend who is getting married in the future and take an extra day to make it over your way when there's more notice since you're likely busy most weekends as am I... I think most of my weekends have stuff going on now through early July or so [wry grin]

If'n you're ever in the vacinity of Woodstock, NY, let me know. Otherwise, with a 9 hour travel time between us, I don't think it's quite feasible for us to meet for coffee. However, you do seem like the kind of person I'd enjoy spending time with. Someone who I wouldn't feel I'd have to walk on eggshells around. I'm a bit abrasive myself, and people either love me or dislike me pretty strongly.

I've only been to NY once, a few years ago, but who knows? It could happen again.

Well, you are a pretty huge attention whore, Shan. I personally find it amusing, but it irritates most people, I think. I mean, you used to physically interpose yourself between Dave and I, dancing, when we were trying to have a conversation. You're like a -10 penalty to any interaction that doesn't directly involve you. So that may be part of it.

/blunt Brad

I think that aspect of me has changed considerably in the past few years. I stand down, for the most part, and keep my mouth shut.

Cool. I guess we all mellow with age.

Consolation talk: Eh, a lot of us creative/artistic types are near-hermits, myself included. It's just part of our karma or something, I dunno.

/FOREVER ALONE

:)

I don't think of these spaces as separate from our meat-world lives; merely an extension. I've met people from online during my travels, and then we go back to talking online afterwards. We're usually better for it, as the RL interaction improves makes the online person that much more "Real." F2F interaction is irreplaceable -- no amount of virtual 3D world can change that (soon) because the experience is too complex.

In other words, keep stinking, it's all part of You. and if you're ever in NY (or we're ever up your way), meeting is a requirement :)

Sounds good to me. :)

This... that RL interaction or spending a longer block time with someone that you know from only one thing can make a world of difference. The little things...

i don't live anywhere near toronto, but i would hang with you if i had any opportunity... i love your website and wonder where you get your energy... you might be the most creative person on planet earth... thank you so much for what you do... larry hochhaus, tulsa, oklahoma (addictionhelp@cox.net)

Thank you.

I suspect you'd somewhat disdain me. I'm lazy and uncreative, and I have an idea that not all of us who hang out on the net all day would be able to keep up with you. That said, I'd still go to a show with you if I were closer; my friends range from the merely weird to the "quirky in a mental health kind of way."

I have the impression of you as a fairly overwhelming individual -- I think this is what you mean by "difficult and blunt," though previous experience makes me think of it as "big and loud," and not having met you, I could be totally wrong. From what I've seen, people like that get along better with people who can go along, not so much with those who need to be leaders themselves.

It's probably not your smell. I've known people who didn't bathe until their roommates told them to, and they never had trouble finding buddies.

I like your blog. I bet you don't smell. My secret password to comment is enabl laborer which is great.

In general I have noticed that commenting on livejournal has been replaced with Facebook interaction. That may not be true for your LJ account individually of course (I have no idea whether you have a Facebook account).