Dirty Jokes from my Childhood - Where's Johnny?

[shanmonster]

Yesterday, I got thinking about the time when I wanted to do something or another, and Dad said no. I was in grade one at the time. I pleaded with him, but he was adamant. Determined to get my way, I tried bribing him. "Daddy, if you let me do it, I'll tell you a dirty joke."

He gave me a singularly awkward look (which took me years to understand) before saying absolutely not, and that I shouldn't be telling dirty jokes, anyhow.

I still remember the joke. It is terrible, and about as accurate a representation of sex as you might expect from a six-year-old. And this got me thinking that there's an unexplored oral tradition of folklore out there: dirty jokes/stories by little kids. I imagine there are all sorts of ethical conundrums with trying to study this area, but at the very least, I can share my recollections of the awful, awful dirty jokes I used to think were hysterically funny.

So here's the first dirty joke I think I ever knew.

Enjoy, if you can.

..........

Little Johnny was supposed to take piano lessons, and his teacher came to the house. He went behind the piano with her and stuck his finger up her bum.

His sister went looking for him. "Johnny! Where are you?"

He stuck his finger up a little further.

"Johnny, where are you?"

He stuck it up further.

"Johnny, where are you?"

And Johnny said, "Just getting to the gooey stuff!"

Comments

[elanya.livejournal.com]

relevant: http://badkidsjokes.tumblr.com/

[(Anonymous)]

When we were kids, my cousin actually loved this joke and would ask me to tell it regularly. I am really, really sorry.

Once there was a man who really loved pickles. He lived on the bottom floor of an apartment building, and there were quite a few weird people who also lived there. On the 4th floor was a juggler, and on the second floor there was a woman who liked to paint everything green. One day, the man on the 3rd floor had to pee, but his plumbing was broken. Thinking nobody would notice, he decided to pee out the window. But unfortunately for him, the juggler was practicing and she dropped a knife out the window, cutting off his penis. As it flew by, the woman on the 2nd floor painted it green, and it fell into the pickle jar on the windowsill of the first guy. Later on, he said it was the best pickle he'd ever eaten.