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I wrote a play today, in 7.5 hours.
This is the first draft. My brain hurts.
Dramatic Personae:
Pope Innocent VIII
Three Witches
Scene opens with a corpulent man in blood red robes and skull cap wearing a large crucifix. A bottle of wine, chalices, and a small box with the holy host in it rest on a large desk/table. An unlit fireplace may also be seen.
Innocent:
Back, back, back, to 1432, the end of the Medieval Warm Period and the beginning of the little Ice Age, a period of terrible weather which won't lift for four hundred years. Black Death, failing crops, and Holy Fire are at the forefront of everyone's minds. It all started when the bad weather started. I don't believe in coincidences.
(Enter Witch 1, breastfeeding baby, humming to it some sort of lullaby. )
(Gestures to the baby) That's me. Little Cibo. Born in Greece, in the infancy of the terrible time. How was I to know that it would be my task to cleanse the world of the great evil which had fallen upon it? My birth was portentous, though no one knew it at the time. No sparrow flew into the house. No great eagle dropped snakes or wolf cubs. No hoarse raven croaked fatal entrance. But even if they had, augury is no longer a tool of the holy Roman empire. People speak of the innocence of babes, but it is a lie borne of the Devil. We are all born with Original Sin. Though none are born innocent, I grow to become Innocent.
(Witch switches baby to other breast, still singing softly)
Witch I:
(Singing more loudly in lullaby cadence)
Fair is foul, and foul is fair, hover through the fog and filthy air….
Innocent:
When things are bad long enough, people have a tendency of lowering expectations. The world is caught in a tempest, spiritual and corporeal. Storms rage day in and day out. On the nice days, it's all the sun can manage to shimmer pale and white through dense fog banks. Blossoms freeze off trees and do not regrow. Crops rot in the ground, season after season. Grapes moulder on the vine. Because wine is in short supply, we drink the water, and the water is full of corpses. When grain does grow, it will not ripen. It must be brought indoors in pots. Dank, mouldering grains and grasses, with their oversized purple-black seeds. Cold, cold, cold. The punishment of God is upon us, and even as our teeth knock together from the cold, don't think we can't feel the fires of hell. Oh yes, ignis sacer--Holy Fire--is upon us, especially those sinful folk in France. Some fight with starving livestock over mouldy grain, and when they win out, fingers, toes, and more burn, burn, burn. They burn with Holy Fire, then loose and wobbling, they blacken and fall off in loathsome rot before inevitable death. St. Anthony's Fire. They call it that because the monks of the Order of Saint Anthony have the most success at curing it.
Witch I:
You forgot the dancers.
Innocent:
The dancing plague is sent upon them by Saint John the Baptist.
Witch I:
(Switches baby to a third nipple)
Maybe they just do it to keep warm.
Innocent:
Trembling convulsions and Satanic visions! They dance themselves to death. And it grows worse! Many men cannot perform the sex act. Many women are infertile. And when their wombs do catch, well, even then, it is often all for nought. Babies wither in the womb. Calves drop stillborn from cows. Black rain floods the downs. Meadows of generations become blasted heaths. The world is overwrought by evil, and something has to be done.
Witch I:
(Cries out when baby bites her, then leaves)
Innocent:
I went to the Holy City of Rome. In order to fix a problem, one must first understand the cause. So I threw myself into the study of God…
Witch II:
(Enters with a sexually provocative walk) And of women.
Innocent:
The instruments of darkness tell us truths. In order to understand the sacred, one must have a thorough understanding of the profane. I still have plenty of time to sin. Redemption shone before me, illuminating the way, just as now, it springs forth from me.
(Witch II and Innocent kiss)
Ah, women. The necessary evil. It has to do with you, I knew it, then. You women and that red evil. It runs through you, and trickles out from between your legs during your most fertile years, unless you are very holy indeed. Pliny warned of the dangers of your effluvium.
Witch II:
(recites) Contact with it turns new wine sour, crops touched by it become barren, grafts die, seeds in gardens dry up, the fruit of the trees fall off, the bright surface of mirrors in which it is merely reflected is dimmed, the edge of steel and the gleam of ivory are dulled, hives of bees die, even bronze and iron are at once seized by rust, and a horrible smell fills the air; to taste it drives dogs mad and infects their bites with incurable poison.
Innocent:
(nods) Yet I know, from long experience, that women do not course all the time. The issue is deeper than this. Some other evil. It was a mystery to me then. I knew that it had to do with Original Sin. It was the Devil's doing. But I also thought that if I was sinful, I was part of the problem, not its solution. So I made the right sort of friends, paid off the right sort of protectors, bought the right sort of blind eyes, and I became a priest.
Witch II:
And a philanderer.
Innocent:
I became a bishop.
Witch II:
You became a father.
Innocent:
I became a cardinal.
Witch II:
Nepotist.
Innocent:
I take care of my own. You think to question me? I who serve the cross? I who command nations?
Witch II:
You remained a sinner.
Innocent:
I became Pope.
Witch II:
It changed nothing.
Innocent:
It changed everything. Indulge me, if you will. Or don't. It doesn't matter. I became Innocent. I am Innocent.
Witch II:
You became more bloodthirsty.
Innocent II:
No longer for your courses, but for the blood of the Lamb. Once I received the Keys of the Kingdom of Heaven, I ended bloodshed. I stopped the rampant killing within the Holy See. I called a truce. Finally, I was in position to cleanse the world of evil.
Witch II:
I don't know why you'd want to do that when you are evil incarnate.
Innocent:
Hush! (Holds up cross) Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be submissive, as also says the law.
Witch II:
That's not how you talk to me in bed. You emptied the coffers.
Innocent:
I refill them.
Witch II:
Indeed, you do.
Innocent:
Saving the world is expensive.
Witch II:
You're a shrewd businessman. Do you know what sells?
Innocent:
Slaves.
Witch II:
The Spanish and Portuguese slave trades boom under your patronage.
Innocent:
Harvesting heathens to sell as slaves, and converting them to Catholicism at the same time. It's brilliant, but I still need more money to buy allegiances. More money to save the world.
Witch II:
More money to keep your mistresses and bastards. Eight wicked boys born, and just as many girls, that I know of. Probably even more. You are indeed the father of Rome.
Innocent:
My children and grandchildren have made brilliant alliances. They bring glory to Rome. As for me, I sell salvation. Indulgences bring in a lot of gold, and ensure the faithful their rightful places in Heaven. What's the saying? Two birds with one stone? I think I do well with it. But the world is still plagued with evils, in thunder, lightning, and in rain. Rotting limbs. Devilish dances. Failing crops. Dead seeds. Cows with dry udders. And the cold! It was always so cold. Cold as a witch's tit. Witches. They were the root of all this. They caused all of this evil. Satan and his minions.
Witch III:
(enters with a satchel)
All hail, Innocent VIII, thou shalt be Pope hereafter! I have a letter for you.
Innocent:
From whom?
Witch III:
A Dominican Inquisitor by the name of Heinrich Kramer.
Witch I:
(enters again, sweeping floor with a broom)
May I have some salvation?
Innocent:
(holds up hand, reads letter)
What? This is an outrage! Those damned Germans. They aren't letting Kramer prosecute witches. Damn their eyes. I'll show them. Vellum. Quill.
(Witch III passes these to Innocent.)
Time to write a bull. (Begins writing)
(The three witches cavort behind him in imitation of the Witches' Sabbat: Witch I pretends to fly on a broom. Witch III pulls a goat mask out of satchel and puts it on. She bends over and flips robes up, and other two witches kiss Witch III's ass. Afterwards, they snack on holy host and wine from Innocent's desk while he continues to writes.)
(Innocent stands up, bull in hand. The witches quickly straighten themselves out. Witch I resumes sweeping.)
There. That will fix things. Telling Kramer not to prosecute witches. Shows you how corrupt things have gotten in Germany. The damned place is full of heresy. Here's my proclamation:
Many persons of both sexes, unmindful of their own salvation and straying from the Catholic Faith, have abandoned themselves to devils, incubi and succubi, and by their incantations, spells, conjurations, and other accursed charms and crafts, enormities and horrid offences, have slain infants yet in the mother's womb, as also the offspring of cattle, have blasted the produce of the earth, the grapes of the vine, the fruits of the trees, nay, men and women, beasts of burthen, herd-beasts, as well as animals of other kinds, vineyards, orchards, meadows, pasture-land, corn, wheat, and all other cereals; these wretches furthermore afflict and torment men and women, beasts of burthen, herd-beasts, as well as animals of other kinds, with terrible and piteous pains and sore diseases, both internal and external; they hinder men from performing the sexual act and women from conceiving, whence husbands cannot know their wives nor wives receive their husbands; over and above this, they blasphemously renounce that Faith which is theirs by the Sacrament of Baptism, and at the instigation of the Enemy of Mankind they do not shrink from committing and perpetrating the foulest abominations and filthiest excesses to the deadly peril of their own souls, whereby they outrage the Divine Majesty and are a cause of scandal and danger to very many the abominations and enormities in question remain unpunished not without open danger to the souls of many and peril of eternal damnation.
(Passes it to Witch III)
Have scribes make copies. This is to be shared throughout Christendom. Ensure Kramer gets a copy.
(Witch III bows, takes it, and leaves.)
Brr. So cold.
Witch II:
(moves over and puts an arm around Innocent)
Warmer now?
Innocent:
Fire. Fire would warm me.
Witch I:
(goes over and lights a fire)
Tell me about witches, your holiness.
Innocent:
Foul creatures. Cannibals. They drink the blood of children.
Witch II:
I thought it was just the Jews who did that.
Innocent:
Foul blood libel! I set Torquemada in place to take care of that.
Witch I:
(Starts dusting Innocent's desk)
Isn't Torquemada Jewish?
Innocent:
Hush!
Witch I:
I just find it strange. I can't imagine why a Jew or a witch would drink blood.
(pointedly picks up the bottle of wine)
I mean, who would ever want to drink blood?
Innocent:
I said shush!
Witch I:
(Shrugs, dusts under bottle of wine, and sets it back down.)
I don't understand why they'd eat flesh, either. (moves chest with Holy Host while dusting) Seems to me the problem isn't just witches. Seems to me that the problem starts from higher up. You had to make that papal bull because your own underlings aren't listening to you. Seems to me the rot comes from within.
Innocent:
Heretics! They shall burn on the auto-da-fé! Torquemada shall see to it!
Witch II:
I don't know why Torquemada burns so many people.
Witch I:
Maybe he just does it to keep warm.
Witch II:
Don't you ever worry he'll burn the wrong people?
Innocent:
Kill them all! God will know His own.
(In his fury, Innocent collapses in the arms of Witch II.)
Witch III:
(Enters again)
Ah. Another fit, I see.
(The three clear off the desk and lay him on it)
Witch II:
This is the longest he's been awake in days.
Witch I:
Uncanny. What do you think it means?
Innocent:
I thirst….
Witch II:
(brings over wine bottle)
Innocent:
I don't drink … wine.
Witch III:
He wants the milk of human kindness.
Witch I:
(suckles Innocent)
Witch II:
Is he awake?
Witch I:
(pokes him. No response)
No.
Witch II:
What did Kramer say?
Witch III:
He wrote a book. His Holiness already ordered it to be distributed to every Bishopric.
Witch II:
What? Already? How?
Witch I:
Witchcraft, I suppose.
Witch II:
What's the book called?
Witch III:
The Malleus Maleficarum. The Hammer of Witches. It blames women for pretty much everything. Sometimes men get blamed, too, but mostly women. (reaches into satchel and pulls out a book. Flips through.) There's a whole section in here about how witches deprive men of their virile members.
Witch II:
I suppose more people will die.
Witch III:
Of course they will. His Holiness has endorsed it. Cruelty is in style. Have you heard about that Romanian prince?
Witch I:
The one who keeps skewering people on stakes?
Witch II:
I thought he was dead.
Witch I:
Dead, Undead. It doesn't matter.
Witch III:
The point is, the end justifies the means. Or that's what Machiavelli says, anyhow, and there's no dearth of his influence around here.
Witch II:
But Innocent denounced his work!
Witch III:
He also denounced extramarital intercourse. It's one set of rules for us, and none for him at all.
Witch II:
It's true. He does have some peculiar notions.
Witch III:
He insists all worship the Holy Trinity, but ever since the night he took his first attack, he went right on back to his Greek roots. Started seeking the blessing of Panacea, the goddess of Universal healing. The way I see it, he wears the crucifix for show.
Witch II:
Well, Catholic does mean Universal.
Witch III:
True, but don't let him hear you say that. If you say that, it's heresy. If he says it, it's not. Only he is above all that. It's his Magnum Opus. He's in a perpetual state of absolution. He's a regular Philosopher's Stone, transmuting sin into salvation. No matter how monstrous he becomes, he always remains Innocent.
Witch II:
Is he still drinking?
Witch I:
Only a few drops. Ah. None. Take my milk for gall, you murdering minister.
Witch II:
Is he dead?
Witch I:
No, but his condition worsens.
Witch II:
No wine, no water, no milk, no gall.
Witch III:
Humourless retch.
Witch II:
Can nothing be done?
Witch III:
If the milk no longer works, arrangements have been made. I procured three boys Ten years old. Fine, Christian children.
Witch II:
Whose?
Witch III:
Not his. I made certain.
Witch II:
Are they willing?
Witch III:
They were willing for a ducat apiece.
Witch I:
(breaks off from Innocent and stands up)
If mother's milk won't help him, then life blood it is.
Witch III:
It's already on his head. It may as well fill him up, too. We three shall meet again. (bows and leaves room)
Witch I:
(looks at Innocent) You never loved.
Witch II:
It's not true. He too, can love and he will love again.
Witch I:
You don't see the irony in this at all, do you?
Witch II:
Even an evil man may be loved.
This is the first draft. My brain hurts.
Dramatic Personae:
Pope Innocent VIII
Three Witches
Scene opens with a corpulent man in blood red robes and skull cap wearing a large crucifix. A bottle of wine, chalices, and a small box with the holy host in it rest on a large desk/table. An unlit fireplace may also be seen.
Innocent:
Back, back, back, to 1432, the end of the Medieval Warm Period and the beginning of the little Ice Age, a period of terrible weather which won't lift for four hundred years. Black Death, failing crops, and Holy Fire are at the forefront of everyone's minds. It all started when the bad weather started. I don't believe in coincidences.
(Enter Witch 1, breastfeeding baby, humming to it some sort of lullaby. )
(Gestures to the baby) That's me. Little Cibo. Born in Greece, in the infancy of the terrible time. How was I to know that it would be my task to cleanse the world of the great evil which had fallen upon it? My birth was portentous, though no one knew it at the time. No sparrow flew into the house. No great eagle dropped snakes or wolf cubs. No hoarse raven croaked fatal entrance. But even if they had, augury is no longer a tool of the holy Roman empire. People speak of the innocence of babes, but it is a lie borne of the Devil. We are all born with Original Sin. Though none are born innocent, I grow to become Innocent.
(Witch switches baby to other breast, still singing softly)
Witch I:
(Singing more loudly in lullaby cadence)
Fair is foul, and foul is fair, hover through the fog and filthy air….
Innocent:
When things are bad long enough, people have a tendency of lowering expectations. The world is caught in a tempest, spiritual and corporeal. Storms rage day in and day out. On the nice days, it's all the sun can manage to shimmer pale and white through dense fog banks. Blossoms freeze off trees and do not regrow. Crops rot in the ground, season after season. Grapes moulder on the vine. Because wine is in short supply, we drink the water, and the water is full of corpses. When grain does grow, it will not ripen. It must be brought indoors in pots. Dank, mouldering grains and grasses, with their oversized purple-black seeds. Cold, cold, cold. The punishment of God is upon us, and even as our teeth knock together from the cold, don't think we can't feel the fires of hell. Oh yes, ignis sacer--Holy Fire--is upon us, especially those sinful folk in France. Some fight with starving livestock over mouldy grain, and when they win out, fingers, toes, and more burn, burn, burn. They burn with Holy Fire, then loose and wobbling, they blacken and fall off in loathsome rot before inevitable death. St. Anthony's Fire. They call it that because the monks of the Order of Saint Anthony have the most success at curing it.
Witch I:
You forgot the dancers.
Innocent:
The dancing plague is sent upon them by Saint John the Baptist.
Witch I:
(Switches baby to a third nipple)
Maybe they just do it to keep warm.
Innocent:
Trembling convulsions and Satanic visions! They dance themselves to death. And it grows worse! Many men cannot perform the sex act. Many women are infertile. And when their wombs do catch, well, even then, it is often all for nought. Babies wither in the womb. Calves drop stillborn from cows. Black rain floods the downs. Meadows of generations become blasted heaths. The world is overwrought by evil, and something has to be done.
Witch I:
(Cries out when baby bites her, then leaves)
Innocent:
I went to the Holy City of Rome. In order to fix a problem, one must first understand the cause. So I threw myself into the study of God…
Witch II:
(Enters with a sexually provocative walk) And of women.
Innocent:
The instruments of darkness tell us truths. In order to understand the sacred, one must have a thorough understanding of the profane. I still have plenty of time to sin. Redemption shone before me, illuminating the way, just as now, it springs forth from me.
(Witch II and Innocent kiss)
Ah, women. The necessary evil. It has to do with you, I knew it, then. You women and that red evil. It runs through you, and trickles out from between your legs during your most fertile years, unless you are very holy indeed. Pliny warned of the dangers of your effluvium.
Witch II:
(recites) Contact with it turns new wine sour, crops touched by it become barren, grafts die, seeds in gardens dry up, the fruit of the trees fall off, the bright surface of mirrors in which it is merely reflected is dimmed, the edge of steel and the gleam of ivory are dulled, hives of bees die, even bronze and iron are at once seized by rust, and a horrible smell fills the air; to taste it drives dogs mad and infects their bites with incurable poison.
Innocent:
(nods) Yet I know, from long experience, that women do not course all the time. The issue is deeper than this. Some other evil. It was a mystery to me then. I knew that it had to do with Original Sin. It was the Devil's doing. But I also thought that if I was sinful, I was part of the problem, not its solution. So I made the right sort of friends, paid off the right sort of protectors, bought the right sort of blind eyes, and I became a priest.
Witch II:
And a philanderer.
Innocent:
I became a bishop.
Witch II:
You became a father.
Innocent:
I became a cardinal.
Witch II:
Nepotist.
Innocent:
I take care of my own. You think to question me? I who serve the cross? I who command nations?
Witch II:
You remained a sinner.
Innocent:
I became Pope.
Witch II:
It changed nothing.
Innocent:
It changed everything. Indulge me, if you will. Or don't. It doesn't matter. I became Innocent. I am Innocent.
Witch II:
You became more bloodthirsty.
Innocent II:
No longer for your courses, but for the blood of the Lamb. Once I received the Keys of the Kingdom of Heaven, I ended bloodshed. I stopped the rampant killing within the Holy See. I called a truce. Finally, I was in position to cleanse the world of evil.
Witch II:
I don't know why you'd want to do that when you are evil incarnate.
Innocent:
Hush! (Holds up cross) Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be submissive, as also says the law.
Witch II:
That's not how you talk to me in bed. You emptied the coffers.
Innocent:
I refill them.
Witch II:
Indeed, you do.
Innocent:
Saving the world is expensive.
Witch II:
You're a shrewd businessman. Do you know what sells?
Innocent:
Slaves.
Witch II:
The Spanish and Portuguese slave trades boom under your patronage.
Innocent:
Harvesting heathens to sell as slaves, and converting them to Catholicism at the same time. It's brilliant, but I still need more money to buy allegiances. More money to save the world.
Witch II:
More money to keep your mistresses and bastards. Eight wicked boys born, and just as many girls, that I know of. Probably even more. You are indeed the father of Rome.
Innocent:
My children and grandchildren have made brilliant alliances. They bring glory to Rome. As for me, I sell salvation. Indulgences bring in a lot of gold, and ensure the faithful their rightful places in Heaven. What's the saying? Two birds with one stone? I think I do well with it. But the world is still plagued with evils, in thunder, lightning, and in rain. Rotting limbs. Devilish dances. Failing crops. Dead seeds. Cows with dry udders. And the cold! It was always so cold. Cold as a witch's tit. Witches. They were the root of all this. They caused all of this evil. Satan and his minions.
Witch III:
(enters with a satchel)
All hail, Innocent VIII, thou shalt be Pope hereafter! I have a letter for you.
Innocent:
From whom?
Witch III:
A Dominican Inquisitor by the name of Heinrich Kramer.
Witch I:
(enters again, sweeping floor with a broom)
May I have some salvation?
Innocent:
(holds up hand, reads letter)
What? This is an outrage! Those damned Germans. They aren't letting Kramer prosecute witches. Damn their eyes. I'll show them. Vellum. Quill.
(Witch III passes these to Innocent.)
Time to write a bull. (Begins writing)
(The three witches cavort behind him in imitation of the Witches' Sabbat: Witch I pretends to fly on a broom. Witch III pulls a goat mask out of satchel and puts it on. She bends over and flips robes up, and other two witches kiss Witch III's ass. Afterwards, they snack on holy host and wine from Innocent's desk while he continues to writes.)
(Innocent stands up, bull in hand. The witches quickly straighten themselves out. Witch I resumes sweeping.)
There. That will fix things. Telling Kramer not to prosecute witches. Shows you how corrupt things have gotten in Germany. The damned place is full of heresy. Here's my proclamation:
Many persons of both sexes, unmindful of their own salvation and straying from the Catholic Faith, have abandoned themselves to devils, incubi and succubi, and by their incantations, spells, conjurations, and other accursed charms and crafts, enormities and horrid offences, have slain infants yet in the mother's womb, as also the offspring of cattle, have blasted the produce of the earth, the grapes of the vine, the fruits of the trees, nay, men and women, beasts of burthen, herd-beasts, as well as animals of other kinds, vineyards, orchards, meadows, pasture-land, corn, wheat, and all other cereals; these wretches furthermore afflict and torment men and women, beasts of burthen, herd-beasts, as well as animals of other kinds, with terrible and piteous pains and sore diseases, both internal and external; they hinder men from performing the sexual act and women from conceiving, whence husbands cannot know their wives nor wives receive their husbands; over and above this, they blasphemously renounce that Faith which is theirs by the Sacrament of Baptism, and at the instigation of the Enemy of Mankind they do not shrink from committing and perpetrating the foulest abominations and filthiest excesses to the deadly peril of their own souls, whereby they outrage the Divine Majesty and are a cause of scandal and danger to very many the abominations and enormities in question remain unpunished not without open danger to the souls of many and peril of eternal damnation.
(Passes it to Witch III)
Have scribes make copies. This is to be shared throughout Christendom. Ensure Kramer gets a copy.
(Witch III bows, takes it, and leaves.)
Brr. So cold.
Witch II:
(moves over and puts an arm around Innocent)
Warmer now?
Innocent:
Fire. Fire would warm me.
Witch I:
(goes over and lights a fire)
Tell me about witches, your holiness.
Innocent:
Foul creatures. Cannibals. They drink the blood of children.
Witch II:
I thought it was just the Jews who did that.
Innocent:
Foul blood libel! I set Torquemada in place to take care of that.
Witch I:
(Starts dusting Innocent's desk)
Isn't Torquemada Jewish?
Innocent:
Hush!
Witch I:
I just find it strange. I can't imagine why a Jew or a witch would drink blood.
(pointedly picks up the bottle of wine)
I mean, who would ever want to drink blood?
Innocent:
I said shush!
Witch I:
(Shrugs, dusts under bottle of wine, and sets it back down.)
I don't understand why they'd eat flesh, either. (moves chest with Holy Host while dusting) Seems to me the problem isn't just witches. Seems to me that the problem starts from higher up. You had to make that papal bull because your own underlings aren't listening to you. Seems to me the rot comes from within.
Innocent:
Heretics! They shall burn on the auto-da-fé! Torquemada shall see to it!
Witch II:
I don't know why Torquemada burns so many people.
Witch I:
Maybe he just does it to keep warm.
Witch II:
Don't you ever worry he'll burn the wrong people?
Innocent:
Kill them all! God will know His own.
(In his fury, Innocent collapses in the arms of Witch II.)
Witch III:
(Enters again)
Ah. Another fit, I see.
(The three clear off the desk and lay him on it)
Witch II:
This is the longest he's been awake in days.
Witch I:
Uncanny. What do you think it means?
Innocent:
I thirst….
Witch II:
(brings over wine bottle)
Innocent:
I don't drink … wine.
Witch III:
He wants the milk of human kindness.
Witch I:
(suckles Innocent)
Witch II:
Is he awake?
Witch I:
(pokes him. No response)
No.
Witch II:
What did Kramer say?
Witch III:
He wrote a book. His Holiness already ordered it to be distributed to every Bishopric.
Witch II:
What? Already? How?
Witch I:
Witchcraft, I suppose.
Witch II:
What's the book called?
Witch III:
The Malleus Maleficarum. The Hammer of Witches. It blames women for pretty much everything. Sometimes men get blamed, too, but mostly women. (reaches into satchel and pulls out a book. Flips through.) There's a whole section in here about how witches deprive men of their virile members.
Witch II:
I suppose more people will die.
Witch III:
Of course they will. His Holiness has endorsed it. Cruelty is in style. Have you heard about that Romanian prince?
Witch I:
The one who keeps skewering people on stakes?
Witch II:
I thought he was dead.
Witch I:
Dead, Undead. It doesn't matter.
Witch III:
The point is, the end justifies the means. Or that's what Machiavelli says, anyhow, and there's no dearth of his influence around here.
Witch II:
But Innocent denounced his work!
Witch III:
He also denounced extramarital intercourse. It's one set of rules for us, and none for him at all.
Witch II:
It's true. He does have some peculiar notions.
Witch III:
He insists all worship the Holy Trinity, but ever since the night he took his first attack, he went right on back to his Greek roots. Started seeking the blessing of Panacea, the goddess of Universal healing. The way I see it, he wears the crucifix for show.
Witch II:
Well, Catholic does mean Universal.
Witch III:
True, but don't let him hear you say that. If you say that, it's heresy. If he says it, it's not. Only he is above all that. It's his Magnum Opus. He's in a perpetual state of absolution. He's a regular Philosopher's Stone, transmuting sin into salvation. No matter how monstrous he becomes, he always remains Innocent.
Witch II:
Is he still drinking?
Witch I:
Only a few drops. Ah. None. Take my milk for gall, you murdering minister.
Witch II:
Is he dead?
Witch I:
No, but his condition worsens.
Witch II:
No wine, no water, no milk, no gall.
Witch III:
Humourless retch.
Witch II:
Can nothing be done?
Witch III:
If the milk no longer works, arrangements have been made. I procured three boys Ten years old. Fine, Christian children.
Witch II:
Whose?
Witch III:
Not his. I made certain.
Witch II:
Are they willing?
Witch III:
They were willing for a ducat apiece.
Witch I:
(breaks off from Innocent and stands up)
If mother's milk won't help him, then life blood it is.
Witch III:
It's already on his head. It may as well fill him up, too. We three shall meet again. (bows and leaves room)
Witch I:
(looks at Innocent) You never loved.
Witch II:
It's not true. He too, can love and he will love again.
Witch I:
You don't see the irony in this at all, do you?
Witch II:
Even an evil man may be loved.
