shanmonster | I wear a size 10 snake oil

I went to the Outdoor Adventure Show last weekend. Although I normally can't stand crowds, for whatever reason, this trade show is the exception. I go every year, and I throw aside my more introverted ways and start conversations with all sorts of people from a wide variety of backgrounds. Antarctic explorers, tropical scuba divers, Vancouver Island lumberjacks, stunt drivers, sky divers.... It's great! There are so many fascinating people to meet there.

But then there's this one section of the show which is dedicated to health and wellness, and amongst the gym owners and protein bar salesfolk are the snake oil shills. I normally make a beeline straight through there to the next section, but this time, I decided to listen to someone peddling magical socks and insoles. I asked them, "Are these compression socks?" (Note: before I went to the show, I actually did look up this company. They actually do sell compression socks).

"No," said the excited salesman. "They're better! Come try it out and you'll see."

Kyle looked at me with a raised eyebrow, but I like to investigate quackery for fun every now and then. So I took off my boots and stood in my nonmagical sock feet on a little template on the floor. I took a grounded stance from my martial arts training.

The guy said, "No, I want you to stand with your legs locked out and all your muscles tensed.. Stack your fists in front of you."

I did so, feeling completely unnatural. No one stands like this. It's an unnatural stance, but I knew it's also part of his game. He then pushed down on my clenched fists, and lo and behold, it pulled me forward and off balance. He then had me repeat the experiment while standing on magical shoe insoles. This time, when he pressed down on my fists, he didn't pull me forward. "See how much more stable you are now?"

"Well, yeah," I said. "You didn't pull me forward that time."

He looked terribly insulted, then said, "Here, I'll do it again." He repeated the experiment, and once again, he pulled me forward slightly when I was not on the magical insoles.

I laughed and said, "You just pulled me forward again!"

His partner came forward and said, "No, they really work! They get rid of all pain because of neuro pathways. They improve natural balance."

"There's nothing natural about the stance you're using to test it. Anyone's balance and stability will be terrible in the stance you folks told me to take."

"They fixed my partial paralysis," claimed the woman.

At this point, I knew there was no sense in talking to them further. I smiled, nodded, and said, "I'm glad they help you. Good bye."

They scowled at me as I left.

I put these folks in the same boat as the ones at the show last year who were trying to sell me magical athletic wear. "It's seamless," announced the saleswoman holding out a sports bra with obvious seams....