Nudity is Only Skin-Deep

I've set honest-to-goodness fitness goals for myself. I want to be able to do the following:

• handstand push-ups
  
• one-armed push-ups
  
• dragon flag
  
• weighted pistol squats

I can now do a couple of pistol squats without making funny noises. And as of yesterday's workout, I learned I can do a push-up from an extended plank position.

Yes, I can do these (skip ahead to about 0:38):


Disregard what he says about this being the world's hardest push-up. That's bullshit. I find the standard military push-up, with elbows in close to the body, and hands down by the waist, much harder, because my triceps are pretty weak. The extended plank push-up works a whole different muscle set.

As for world's hardest push-up, I'm pretty sure each of the following are much more difficult than the preceding one:







I have a long way to go, with regards to the single-armed push-ups. My chest and arms are my weakest areas. But I do not doubt that I can get to that point. Yesterday, I read Pavel Tsatsouline's The Naked Warrior: Master the Secrets of the Super-Strong-- Using Bodyweight Exercises Only. The book shows progressions which I believe will enable any able-bodied person, regardless of their current fitness level, to succeed at both pistol squats and single-armed push-ups. These moves aren't just parlour tricks. In working on these movements, you are developing incredible strength throughout almost your entire body.

I'm putting sporadic strength-training into my regular, daily life. Every time I get up off a chair or toilet, I make sure my knee is stacked straight over top of my ankle, and I push off with just one leg.

I also want to begin daily training to get myself to doing those one-armed push-ups.

As for the dragon flags and handstand push-ups, I'll work on those more sporadically, for now. Handstand push-ups are more of a show-off move, anyhow, imo.

In the meantime, I have a mini TRX workout today at noon. I'm looking forward to it.

Over the past month or so, I think I've gained about four pounds of muscle through TRX training and watching what I eat. I have noticed an improvement in my strength and endurance. And I've noticed my legs and butt are getting bigger, and my back more defined. My last TRX session is next Friday. I'll be sad to no longer be doing it, but intend on switching back to heavy-duty weight training mixed with plyometrics. Lots of heavy lifting. Lots of hopping, too. Yup. I regularly work out until I'm a sweating, panting wreck on the floor, and then I get right back up and do more.

And once I get back from my trip to the UK in September, I want to switch over to CrossFit.

Although I think I was eating pretty darned well before, I've been paying even stricter attention, these past few weeks. No more baked goods (aside from the occasional whole-grain toast or pita). Lots more lean protein (chicken, fish, nuts, chick peas, and whey protein). Lots more veggies. Cutting back significantly on the fruit juice, too, and drinking water, or water with a bit of unsweetened lemon juice in it.

I brought Amelia to my TRX class today. Another woman showed up to try out the workout, too. I got a weirdo vibe from her. She started asking me questions a few minutes before the class was scheduled to start.

Her: (looking around, and not seeing the instructor) Obviously, no one believes in punctuality anymore.

Me: (gesturing to her, Amelia, and myself, then smiling) Obviously, you're incorrect.

Her: (blink blink) You do this workout a lot, don't you?

Me: Yes. Three times a week. I like it very much.

Her: You must have lost a lot of weight.

Me: Actually, I've gained a few pounds of muscle since starting.

Her: But you must have lost inches.

Me: I didn't really significant fat to burn, and with my diet and training, I'm getting bigger.

Her: (looking hornswoggled) But you must have lost inches.

Me: No. I'm gaining muscle mass.

Her: But you will burn fat.

Me: With the right diet and exercise, yes, you will burn fat...if there is fat to burn.

Her: o.O

Obviously, the only reason a woman would work out is to get smaller. Duh. How silly of me....

In any case, the workout was too much for her, and she went back to the cardio machines about a quarter of the way through. Amelia, however, was a trooper and stuck it out, and did pretty darned well, considering it wasn't a beginner-level TRX class.

Man, those one-legged bridge lifts are brutal!

Here's my back, as of yesterday:

Despite the horrendous heat and humidity, I've been doing a lot of walking lately. On Saturday, I figure I walked for around five or six hours, and that was after leading a fitness boot camp class. I went to a few festivals.

The first one was the non-violence festival, which was decidedly non-festive. People were sitting in semi lotus position, meditating. A few musicians playing esoteric musical instruments played slow music, calm, and dare I say it?--boring music. The local NDP representative had a booth there, and so did an AIDS awareness group. That reminds me: a man at that booth gave me a safe sex kit. I wonder what I got? Probably a couple of condoms. Maybe some lube.... I have a hard time wrapping my head around the concept of a festival based on non-violence. Is it to counteract all the festivals dedicated to shooting one another, kicking ass, etc.? In any case, my perverse persnickety side made me want to dig out a few boffer weapons and squirt guns and start a melee. But I was good.

From there, I walked to the Cherry Festival at Cherry Park. I'd never been to Cherry Park before. I falsely assumed that the park would have lots of cherry trees. It didn't have many trees at all. It was a huge field, with the grass baked yellow-brown by the incessant sun. Everyone looked melty. I saw no violence at the Cherry Festival. I bought a cute belt with a cherry design, and a scoop of cherry ice cream, and then I walked home.

A funny thing happened on the way to the Turkish Festival.

I was walking along the Iron Horse Trail when one of the more "colourful" (ie. crazy/drunk) locals was headed toward me clad in a long-sleeved black shirt and black jeans, despite the temperature. While I watched, he began flailing his arms and head around like an excited worshipper at a snake-handling church, and then he flung himself face-first into the bushes.

I kept walking by, and peeked off to the side at him. He was lying there in a sprawled position, his tongue lolling from his mouth. He looked like a caricature of roadkill.

There was no way I wanted to go up to this guy to check to see if he was all right. He looked like he'd been faking it, hardcore. But at the same time, considering the heat, his garb, and possibly the dehydrating effects of alcohol, there actually was a possibility that this ridiculous display actually would make him pass out and succumb to heat stroke.

I decided that I'd take a look around for a police officer and send one his way.

But then, apparently disappointed I hadn't checked in on him, he just got up and continued on his way as though nothing had happened.

Oooookay.

The Turkish festival was a bit disappointing. I was hoping I'd find kasiklar, but there was nothing like that at all. There were just a couple of food booths, a booth selling a few scarves and tshirts, and an information booth manned by a guy who didn't seem to know what was going on. A dervish whirled slowly on a small stage. I saw no violence at the Turkish Festival.

After grabbing a bite to eat at a sushi restaurant, I came back home and got good and tipsy off half of a beer. Oh dehydration, maker of cheap drunks.

Yesterday, I got up bright an early and went for a run. Even though it was a short run and I got home well before 9 am, I was slick with sweat. So hot! Gah! I had a bit of a nap to reboot, and then went off to dance class feeling much refreshed. Once I finished with that, I went out for ice cream, because it was still ridiculously hot. And when I got home, I had another beer. This time, I didn't get tipsy. But I did undo all my hard work at trying to keep my diet clean. Stupid hot weather, melting me, and melting my resolve!

Today I have another TRX session. This one is all about lunges, I think. I'm looking forward to feeling wobbly. Gonna grow my biglegs and bigbutt again!

Link time? I think so.

At home with Albania's last sworn virgins: Fascinating article about how women forswore sex to become culturally accepted as men.

Feminist Figure Girl: Interesting blog by a feminist body builder.

Body Weight Coach: I've been especially interested in learning more about training incorporating body weight rather than other weights, lately. There are plenty of good exercises on this website. I have been working on holding extended planks, lately. See?



I want to be able to do them like this guy!



Bones With Bling: Because sometimes you CAN take it with you.

Have Summer Glau and Peter Dinklage made the greatest movie ever?: This upcoming LARP movie looks awesome! I want to see it.

Animals Being Dicks: Hilarity! I thought I'd piss myself!

Woman Died From Sex With Dog, Sean McDonnell Arrested In Limerick, Ireland: I didn't even know someone could be allergic to dog sex. How utterly bizarre!

Therapy to change 'feminine' boy created a troubled man, family says: This is what comes from trying to force people into molds of "real men" and such.

Iraqi bolts headcam to skull in name of art: Cyborg art.

Today was my first go-round with TRX suspension training. I have been anticipating this day for over a week, and the workout was just as intense as I was hoping. I left feeling like my limbs were controlled by a drunken marionette, because I'd been worked good and hard.

I think the class went a little longer than future ones will because we had to learn the ropes, so to speak. There are different positions you can set the straps to, and we had to learn the different positions you go into to do the various exercises. This really isn't very complicated, though. Certainly no more complicated than setting up any sort of basic exercise equipment.

None of the exercises we did were complicated. They were all familiar to me, except that they were augmented a bit to incorporate the straps. We did lunges, crunches, squats, pushups, pull-ups, etc. But all with suspension. The one thing that makes this very different from doing them with freeweights or on plate-weight machines is the way the suspension forces you to use your stabilizing muscles. It is fantastic for that. It's also great for working the core.

The crunch (which is done upsidedown to a regular, unsuspended crunch) was not very difficult for me to do, but I felt the burn after far fewer repetitions than when I do them regular-style, or even weighted on an incline bench. The plank, which I am very good at, and can hold for a lot longer than the usual 30 seconds or so asked for by fitness magazines, pooped me up much faster when my feet were suspended by the straps. Nice.

I expected to feel the burn. I expected to feel wobbly. What I did not expect was the hand pain. A couple of the grips and positions made my hands ache horribly. I suspect this is because of arthritis, but it could also be because my grip strength has weakened. The trainer told me my hands would become stronger in the weeks to come. I sure hope so, because otherwise, I'm not sure how I'll progress with the upper body exercises.

I found the upper body exercises hardest, partially because of the soreness in my hands, and also because my arms and shoulders have always been my weakest parts. I found the core and leg exercises the easiest, but neither rely on my hands, and my core and leg strength have always been pretty darned good.

That being said, the one-legged lunges were killer. Apparently, I exceeded my trainer's expectations (she told me, "You KILLED those lunges!"), but they sure did make my legs and feet wobbly. I also felt a lot of fascia burn, which intrigued me. Now that I'm good and familiar with my peroneal tendons, I realize that's causing a lot of the trickiness for me. I could feel every tiny micro-correction as I went through the lunges (I did well over 30 on my first try, with each leg), but afterwards, my legs felt like screaming, over-cooked noodles being shaken from above. It was great.

On Wednesday, we'll be working on squats. I expect to feel like a soggy noodle again. But it's the upper body training that intimidates me the most....