The Christmas Song and Dance Act

I went to a Christmas party last night and got one of the nicest Christmas presents I've ever received: a handmade sterling silver anklet with reticulated dangles and a cuttle cast clasp. Thank you so very much, Lacey! It's perfect!

I predict the rest of my Christmas gifts will be a Toblerone bar, some bubble bath, an Avon underarm deoderant, and several bars of glycerine soap. Aside from the chocolate, my Christmas hauls regularly seem to generically insist I don't bathe enough. It's a bit worrisome.

In other news, I'm working on an artistic grant proposal with f00. A $2000 grant is available for artists who merge technology with art, and I have an idea which allows the audience to experience the viewpoint of the dancer while watching a dance performance. I think it's a really neat idea, and if I'm lucky, we'll get the moolah to pull it off. I just have to get the proposal shipped off by the beginning of January.

If the grant was a bit larger, and if there was more time involved, I'd like to develop a performance melding my heart as percussion for a drum solo dance performance. I'm not certain how to get the electrodes to stay put, though. EEGs would be pretty funky, too, especially if fed into some sort of music generating software. Any ideas on how to make this come into fruition?

A Miraculous Discovery

The other night, f00 insisted on showing me a part of the Battlestar Galactica movie. It's the scene where three Tucana performers sing and dance on stage. The women have double faces, with four eyes and two mouths (a face within a face), and wear white disco dresses with fluttery ribbon hems. They sing typical a sweet-voiced disco song, but harmonize with themselves in a deep bass when they use their secondary mouths. f00 wanted me to watch the scene so I could laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, and I did laugh. It is very silly.

But then something caught my eye.

"Go back again," I said.

He put the scene back, and I watched the dancer on the left very carefully.

"Aaah!" I shrieked. "She's not wearing panties! I just saw alien muff!"

He didn't believe me, but when he rewound the movie and watched the scene, he finally agreed. The alien lady isn't wearing a stitch beneath her twirly white dress. I can't help but wonder if there's a vagina within her vagina....

Miraculously enough, I can find no reference to this nudity online. Can I really have discovered something so incredibly momentous? Wow. I feel like Louis Pasteur, or something.

In the News

Drifter arrested after cow assaulted: A couple of things in this man-fucks-a-cow story make me raise an eyebrow. For one, "Police call it a cowardly act against Sedala the cow." I fail to see how this is a cowardly act, unless the word was used strictly in a punning sense. No, it's certainly not heroic (more heroic would be if he'd chosen instead to be fucked by a bull), but cowardly? I don't get it. Secondly, I take issues with this statement: "Sedala isn't due for two months and is now recovering from the ordeal." Recovering? For goodness sake, veterinarians regularly shove their entire arms up cows' wazoos! Unless this man was hung like a sperm whale, why would the cow need to recover? Honestly. People anthropomorphize far too much. I doubt the cow gave a shit. On second thought, I'll bet the cow did give a shit--all over the front of its rapist.

Tanks roll into Tikrit: This story disturbs me for two reasons. First of all, "Demonstrators risk a year in jail and, if they work for the state as civil servants or teachers, they will loose their jobs." Loose their jobs? Oh my. Reuters doesn't proofread anymore, I guess, before unleashing its tales to the world. Secondly, the message of the article is distressing. Although Saddam was a right and total bastard, how much better is it to fire upon someone who chooses to kiss a photo of him? I'm thinking of pots and kettles, here.

I also have a question, and maybe you can answer it. Is Saddam Hussein considered a prisoner of war? If not, why not? If so, is the US military shitting all over the Geneva Convention by posting videos of him in captivity? Enquiring minds want to know.

Philosophy Lesson

In ancient Greece, the great philosopher Socrates (469-399BC), was known for his wisdom.

One day he spoke with a pupil who exclaimed: "Socrates, guess what I just heard about one of your students!"

"Pause a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me anything, let me ask you three questions."

"Three questions?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you tell me what you heard, I must ask you... Is it Truth?"

"Well," the man replied, "I don't know if it's true, I just heard it from Xenophon, I don't know it for a fact."

"My second question," said Socrates. "Is it Good?"

"No," the man said. "I mean... To the contrary..."

"So, it's neither Truth or Good," noted Socrates. "Now, my third question. Is it Useful?"

"No, it's not," the man admitted. "I cannot see how you would benefit."

"Well," concluded Socrates, with a smile: "If what you want to tell me is neither Truth, Good or Useful, then why tell me at all?"

After this exchange Socrates' pupil continued on his way, with new understanding and increased regard for the wisdom of Socrates.

This also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife (thanks, Rogue).