Lewd Awakening

[shanmonster]

So there I am, fast asleep in the middle of the night when I am jammed/shocked/brutalized into consciousness. f00dave claims he was reaching for the sheet, but who would look for a sheet up my butt? Yes, he jammed a finger up my wazoo in search of the errant sheet.

I was not amused, and he dared complain at my yelp of surprise. Apparently, my shout woke him up.

Riiiiight.

Nevertheless, someone ought to get onto this idea: anal probes as the ultimate alarm clocks. I can't say much has woken me up as quickly.

Comments

[forestmaster.livejournal.com]

Your post made me laugh out loud... and I then read it to my significant other, who promptly stated that he did not need to be woken up in such a manner, thank you very much!

May your sleep this evening be undisturbed/undefiled/etc ;)

[chadnfrood.livejournal.com]

Every spring, the fellows in the House strongly suggest-- for legal reasons one can never admit to "requiring"-- that pledges drink massive quantities of beer. And, wouldn't you know it, a few pledges always end up passed out on the floor. Inevitably, pictures of penises get drawn on their faces and random objects get inserted into their bums-- none of this, by the by, is at all homoerotic. It doesn't wake them up, generally, but every year at least one pledge claims that he will never again rink Natty Lite again because "it makes his ass hurt".

[entropy156.livejournal.com]

*crosses "up Shan's butt" off of my list of places to look for a sheet*

[starsorstreet.livejournal.com]

Oww. I hope your anus is limber. Wow I never thought I would say that to someone.

[harpofhyperion.livejournal.com]

So, *thats* why the aliens abduct human beings ...

... they are merely doing market research on the latest thing in alien alarm clocks!

[(Anonymous)]

f00Dave was merely being humble. Another universe of untold horrors was about to enter our plane of existance through a certain point in space, and in a last ditch effort to save the humanity (and after much soul searching, for perhaps the human race could use a little die off), he pluged the hole as gently as he could, considering the area of attack (the rectum) and his only defense (his hand).

[redlyra.livejournal.com]

Heehee.

I can imagine an anal probing would wake me up in a jiffy as well...my...I wonder why anyone would think to look for a sheet up someone's ass...that to me is entirely confusing.

[blastedheath.livejournal.com]

Sounds like something from the Director's Cut of Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

"Where's your hand?"
"Between two--"
"Aieee!"

[zombienought.livejournal.com]

Not everyone gets an Unsolicited Finger In the Anus. You are
one lucky gal!

I once gave someone an anal probe, and she slept through the
whole thing.

Why do I feel like this was posted in bad_sex?

[f00dave.livejournal.com]

Jesus, talk about an over-reaction! It's like the anus is taboo or something (except to proctologists, who have a shitty job [sorry!]) in Canadian/American society. ... Oh wait, it is!

Anyway, sorry to burst the bubble, but it was a superficial thing; in my scream-disrupted memory of the event, I was reaching for the corner of the sheet, which was on her (the covering blanket having separated somewhat and being more on me) with the vague intention of balancing things out. Before the tactile impression of my thumb lightly poking something meaty arrived in my semi-consciousness, I had to suddenly deal with a screaming (but mostly immobile, 'cause sleepy) pissed-off ShanWife.

"Why'd you stick your finger in my ass?"

"Huh? I was reaching for the sheet. I'm sorry, but it was an accident ... go to sleep."

"But you stuck your finger in my ass!"

"It was my thumb, and it was an accident. Go to sleep."

She rolled around an inch or so and fell asleep. No aliens. No sex. Nothing to see here. Move along, folks.

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