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It's that time again: the time when I list all the freaky-deeky search terms which led people to my webpage. I may be jaded about a lot of things, but almost every month, I discover a search term so goddamned odd that it makes my jaw drop. Here are my favourites du mois.
* chinchilla porn (Not with my willas. Squire's a blasé eunuch!)
* ass dancing (This is technically a better term for raqs sharqi than belly dancing)
* bigfoot skin (The tastiest part of Kentucky Fried Bigfoot)
* costume vagina patterns (That's one hell of a Hallowe'en get-up!)
* dancing vagina page (I want to see an animation of this)
* shakespeare nudity (Shakespeare was a porn star in the 17th century, dontcha know?)
* tarzan nude (Shakespeare slash Tarzan. Hmmm....)
* us army sew on silver wings (When they run out of things to shoot, they spend their time in quilting bees)
* vagina skin recipes (Who looked for this, anyway? Ed Gein?)
* 26 world championships stick them up your ass (I really don't understand this)
* she shrunk him to doll size then used him as dildo (Hee!)
* why does my skin go purple (Because you rub on Barney too much)
* 3ft dildo (What's the point? Could you use it like a baseball bat?)
* churchupskirt (Gotta watch out for those naughty Pentecostal women)
* gynecomastia chicken (Is someone looking for pictures of roosters with big tits?)
* semen good for skin (But would you really want to walk around looking like there's eggwhite all over your face?)
* siamese britney spears photos (Conjoined Britneys?)
* squirting lesbian canada (This makes me think squirt guns ought to be shaped like women with mullets)
* bukkake sperm hospital (This sounds like the name of a disturbing soap opera)
* lice vagina good pictures (That doesn't seem like a good anything, to me)
* nude cheesecake (Nude cheesecake isn't nearly as tasty as cheesecake with cherry sauce)
* wild cannibalism pictures (Heaven forfend you find domesticated anthropophagy)
* wrinkle in time nudity (That's just wrong.)
* naughty vacuuming or hoovering (Isn't that dangerous? Sounds like a Darwin Award in the making.)
* pictures of michael jackson with erection (Ew ew ew ew ew!)
* sawing britney spears in half magic (Here comes those sawing women in half search terms again)
* vertical sawing a girl stories (See?)
* what does mean morbid nudity (Think of Don King, Bea Arthur, Nancy Reagan, and Dom Deluise naked in a hot tub, and you're on the right track)
* chinchilla porn (Not with my willas. Squire's a blasé eunuch!)
* ass dancing (This is technically a better term for raqs sharqi than belly dancing)
* bigfoot skin (The tastiest part of Kentucky Fried Bigfoot)
* costume vagina patterns (That's one hell of a Hallowe'en get-up!)
* dancing vagina page (I want to see an animation of this)
* shakespeare nudity (Shakespeare was a porn star in the 17th century, dontcha know?)
* tarzan nude (Shakespeare slash Tarzan. Hmmm....)
* us army sew on silver wings (When they run out of things to shoot, they spend their time in quilting bees)
* vagina skin recipes (Who looked for this, anyway? Ed Gein?)
* 26 world championships stick them up your ass (I really don't understand this)
* she shrunk him to doll size then used him as dildo (Hee!)
* why does my skin go purple (Because you rub on Barney too much)
* 3ft dildo (What's the point? Could you use it like a baseball bat?)
* churchupskirt (Gotta watch out for those naughty Pentecostal women)
* gynecomastia chicken (Is someone looking for pictures of roosters with big tits?)
* semen good for skin (But would you really want to walk around looking like there's eggwhite all over your face?)
* siamese britney spears photos (Conjoined Britneys?)
* squirting lesbian canada (This makes me think squirt guns ought to be shaped like women with mullets)
* bukkake sperm hospital (This sounds like the name of a disturbing soap opera)
* lice vagina good pictures (That doesn't seem like a good anything, to me)
* nude cheesecake (Nude cheesecake isn't nearly as tasty as cheesecake with cherry sauce)
* wild cannibalism pictures (Heaven forfend you find domesticated anthropophagy)
* wrinkle in time nudity (That's just wrong.)
* naughty vacuuming or hoovering (Isn't that dangerous? Sounds like a Darwin Award in the making.)
* pictures of michael jackson with erection (Ew ew ew ew ew!)
* sawing britney spears in half magic (Here comes those sawing women in half search terms again)
* vertical sawing a girl stories (See?)
* what does mean morbid nudity (Think of Don King, Bea Arthur, Nancy Reagan, and Dom Deluise naked in a hot tub, and you're on the right track)
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no subject
Date: 2003-11-01 10:46 am (UTC)From:Hasn't this one turned up in a previous posting of search terms?
It works (http://userpic.livejournal.com/3851287/161633) for some guy named
No Silly, Dr. Hannibal Lecter! I wonder what kind of wine you'd pick to go with that...
Cheesecake isn't cheesecake without strawberry topping! YUM!
Madeline L'Engle spinning in her grave at warp ten, agreed.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-01 10:52 am (UTC)From:You don't think Ed Gein had recipes? You're probably right. He was an old-fashioned farmer. His recipes may never have exceeded a few shakes of salt, then boil until cooked. Hannibal Lecter, on the other hand, is a consummate epicure.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-01 11:04 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2003-11-01 11:06 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2003-11-01 01:50 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2003-11-01 04:23 pm (UTC)From:The weirdest search term ever was "amphetamine chewing gum." At that point, I had never discussed amphetamines or chewing gum anywhere on my entire site. I'm still not sure how the search engines led people to me that way.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-03 02:32 am (UTC)From: